Should I get remarried before my BF leaves on deployment?

Question

I have been officially divorced since Sept. I met someone in Jan and we are talking about getting married. He wants to do it before he leaves on deployment. Everyone in my family wants me to wait and slow down. They all believe it is too soon. I believe there is no timeline for life. What should I do?

Answer 1

I hear alot of men wanting to marry there woman before they go off to war. It gives them hope and it gives them something to hold on to, and the strenght to survive knowing they have a spouse at home waiting for them and that loves them. It is your call, do you feel that your are ready? If you are not ready, dont marry him untill YOU are ready and if he truly loves you he will respect that.

Answer 2

Absolutely not! You don't even know this guy. Believe me, you should be with someone between 3-5 years before marriage! You have to be in love before you get married and you can't be in love with somebody you don't know. You have to know the person inside and outside, mentally, emotionally and physically.

You will find out so many things that you didn't even know about each other after you get married. Things that you do not like, or may disagree with, but now it's too late. You will probably have a child and that's the saddest thing when a baby is born with parents that don't love each other. Now you both feel trapped that's when the fighting begins. That's when you will take it out on each other and form a miserable household. The cheating begins, the children suffer and then here comes just another divorce.

I cannot believe you can even ask this question if you were just divorced! You also want to marry a guy that leaving!!! What the hell is the matter with you? What the hell are you in a rush for? Why does everyone think they have to get married? SLOW DOWN! Try using a little more common sense and instead, just enjoy life. Your own life!

Answer 3

I got married 2 months after my divorce became final and do not regret it a bit. I married very young and it was a disaster. After I told my husband it was over, I met a wonderful man. We lived together while I was waiting for my divorce to become final. As soon as I had those papers in my hand, he wanted to marry. We got married two months later and I do not regret it for a single minute. I couldn't be happier and I am glad I did not wait. We have been married for 4 years and together for 7.

You know what is in your heart. If you love this man and believe you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then marry him and never look back.

The only warning I have for you is that being a military wife is hard. It means long, lonely separations. You will have to handle your household, kids, finances and anything that might come up without him being there. You will have to be supportive, faithful and never give him a minute of doubt and worry, because it could get him killed. Once he comes back from deployment, you will have to get to know him all over again and accept the changes in him. The military has services and organizations that will help you both.

Finally, you are right. There is no timeline for life. There is also no guarantee of life. Statistically, he will be fine, but every soldier and their family has to face the fact that they may not come home. This may be the only chance you get to be his wife.

Answer 4

I will just say this...deployments are very hard on even the strongest of marriages and I have seen too many of my husbands soldiers wanting to make sure their girl is there for them when they get back and get married to soon. 4 months is soon to get married in any circumstance but in a deployment situation even more. Also, the man that leaves may not be the same one that comes back. Is your love strong enough right now to be able to handle the mood swings, nightmares, depression and other problems he may come back with? Deployments have torn apart some of the strongest marriages I have ever seen. Whatever your decision I wish you the best and hope you really think this through.

Answer 5

Do not remarry just yet. It is way too soon to even think about getting married again. You were just divorced in Sept. and now your thinking about marriage again. You have not even been divorced for a year yet. Why the rush? After your boyfriend comes back from deployment and things work out then maybe you two can be married. Some second marriages do not work out because most people get married to the first person who asks them. I am now on my second marriage and I was divorced in 1998 and I did not marry the first guy who wanted to marry me. I got married to the second man who wanted to marry me and we were married in 2003. You need to take things a bit slower and get out and start dating other men and make sure that it's the right thing to do. If you and your boyfriend are meant to be together then you'll be together and if your not meant to be together then it won't happen.

Answer 6

As an Air Force wife I can tell you that many guys do this before their deployments, and later when they get back it just doesn't turn out... not to say that's the case for you. Think about what you want...would you marry him this soon if he wasn't deploying? Do you really know what you're getting into (military life?) Military divorce rate is 83%, hope you guys are part of the 17% that make it work. You'll make the right decision, if you really believe you're ready for marriage this soon Go for it!!!

Answer 7

Second marriages statistically have the highest divorce rate compared to any other (1st, 3rd, 4th etc). The reason is simple, people are in a rush to find the Happiness they lost. After all It's wonderful to be in love and married. However, when you rush into a marriage you often find that you and you 2nd spouse didn't really know each other all that well, and aren't really suited for each other.

I would wait. You will be here when he gets back. Besides, getting married because someone is leave for a year is a really bad reason to do it.

Answer 8

NO!~!!!
You are still grieving the loss of your last relationship.
It will take over a year to get past that one, especially if you don't like him.
You don't have to get married every time someone asks you.
Get love letters instead! E-mails, gifts, keep him hanging in there, and find out if he is really going to WORK to get you.
Plan for your future with him overseas. You will get to know your new BF and heal from your last divorce.
If this is important, wait------you are not in a race to see how many failed marriages you can have,right?
Listen to your family. There is no "timeline." You don't EVER have to get married--you can be single forever if you want to.
You do not have to be married or have a man in your life to have a good life.
You need to find that out! You need to KNOW that! It will make you a better partner.

Answer 9

Yes, slow down. Facing a deployment can create pressures to do things you might not do otherwise. You say you've been talking about marriage, but if he weren't being deployed, would you still get married so soon? Be careful.

Answer 10

Wait! You need to heal from the divorce. You need to experience a year's worth of life with this BF before you even think about a commitment. How does he handle birthdays? What's he like at Christmas? Do I like his family? Too many questions that shouldn't be rushed.

Answer 11

Wait. you can write and talk while he is deployed. You will learn to know each other so much more. You are on the rebound right now. Make sure it is right. If it is you will have time to discover yourself and your love for your new guy. Don't rush into another marriage that may not be right. Wait. You have the rest of your life to get married.