My fiance' told me this morning that he has tried cocaine a totel of 10 times over the past 4 months. We live together with our ONE month old daughter and my daughter from my former marriage. We have been together for 3 years. I feel angry instead of willing to help I don't think I know him anymore. I want to leave, but the inconviences of moving 50 miles away(my parents house) discourages me. I watch way too many drug rehab shows to know that people on drugs put their families through way too much drama. I'm scared.
2007-06-05 08:05:06 · 13 answers · asked by It's just me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, I know its going to be easy to say and hard to do, but you need to get your man into a drug and alcohol treatment and rehabilitation center. I cannot tell you which one is the best, but find one. Your local city hall will have a list.
One might think this is funny but in reality it is no laughing matter. Cocain and other drugs effect the mind, and when people are high on drugs and alcohol, they can and often will do things that they otherwise would not think of doing.
You have the right to be angry. Ask him how he started and why? Then determine if he is actually serious about the relationship. Depending upon his answer(s) and his willingness to go into treatment, you can decide to do the following or not.
For the sake of your daughter(s) make sure he goes. If he wont, you need to walk out and leave until he cleans up.
Good luck to you and yours.
2007-06-05 08:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by Daniel R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, 10 times in 4 months is not a experimental usage. He is a addict. You have children to think about. Think about this, would you leave your kids with a coke user if you ran to the store, of course not, so why have a coke user around full time. I would read this, sit down and call your parents. Tell them the complete truth. After you get the nod from them move in with them. Tell the cokehead that he either enters a 90 detox/rehab with weekly drug tests after he is released, or the entire relationship is over. Do not stay where you are. Take all your belongings and start over, then if he does complete the 90 day program, then think about moving in with him. Right now you need your parents, the kids need a supportive enviroment, and that guy needs some rehab. If he refuses, and says it's not a problem etc..tell him to hit the curb. Remember your kids come first, and they dont deserve to live with a coke user. Good luck, and you welcome to email me if you would like.
2007-06-05 15:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by wisconsindeathtrip03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should seek counsel from a local pastor, social worker, psychiatrist immediately to work out the finer points of your finiancial and emotional issues and immediately put some distance between yourself and the user.
Not to put any pressure on you, but a motivating factor in getting this resolved ASAP is, if you get pulled over with your kid in the car with a few ounces of columbian bam bam in the glove compartment. Your child will be in the care of the state for the next 10 years where you'll be sending XOXO letters from prison.
2007-06-05 15:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by Twopillows 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cancel any wedding plans and move out with your parents. When he can assure you that he is done with it and you can trust that he is, then you slowly build the relationship again, but stay on guard. I got addicted to crack cocaine a couple of years ago and I put my family (especially my Wife) through hell. Do not do nothing and hope it goes away by itself.
2007-06-05 15:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by Phil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You need to get you and your children away from him. There is NO way you can subject them to a life with him. As inconvenient as it is, move to your parents for the time being to help settle you and the kids - then see what happens workwise and stuff after a time. Break the engagement immediately, and get out and away from him.
2007-06-05 15:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as scary as it is...you have to put your two girls first. those girls dont deserve to be put in a situation that might get very ugly very soon....and as you stated it would just be an "inconvenience" to move away but i THINK that might be the best idea. and btw...you SHOULD be angry...he destroyed the trust between you two...and put your safety and your children's safety in jeopardy by having drugs in the home (not really sure if he had it IN the house or not...)
2007-06-05 15:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by kvalentine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stress him to join a rehab program, and hope that he really wants to quit. Talk to people and ask for signs to look for to tell when he's high. If you see any, leave. Moving 50m. away is better than putting your daughter and yourself thru family trauma just for the hoo of it..............
2007-06-05 15:13:34 · answer #7 · answered by it'sjustme79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your decision. Cocaine is bad news and nasty.
If he stops then thats good news. If he dosesnt then that 50 miles isnt going to seem so far after all.
2007-06-05 15:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by philip_jones2003 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he needs to seek professional help NOW or the wedding is off.
You have to for everyone's sake involved.
Good luck!
mg
2007-06-05 15:14:36 · answer #9 · answered by Matt G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be scared....I have been through hell and back with a cocaine addict in recovery.....
...not for the faint of heart, I can promise you that.
2007-06-05 15:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋