The gist of the problem is that my friend (who didn't have much experience with women) ended up engaged to a women within weeks of knowing her. Everyone freaked but they eneded up just living together (inseperable) for about 2 years. Now they are finally getting married soon. I have been asked to be the best man but then again I am the only friend that is left. Thanks to this women he has basically broken contact with all his old freinds. She has always been nice to me (but I think she approves-frankly a bit "too" nice if you know what I mean) but overall she is kind of a mean person. She treats everyone else kind of horrible. This includes my freind. Should I step down from my post and let him know that in good conscience I cannot suport this decission? I'm ok with standing by him and letting him screw up his own life (cause I will be there to pick up the pieces) but now they are talking kids. That's like child abuse. I think he can eventually do much better.
2007-06-05 07:31:48 · 37 answers · asked by zatoichison 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, as his friend, i would do that.
have you seriously thought of getting the old gang together and doing an intetrvention?
grabbing him and running to vegas or some other location to tell him it won't work?
2007-06-05 07:36:05 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I honestly think that it's none of your business & not your concern if he's making the right decision or not. If he's asked you to be his Best Man, then you should be that & only that. If he's making a mistake, then let him figure it out on his own & let him deal with it, IT'S HIS LIFE. I'm pretty sure that you will NOT be picking up the pieces if he screws up. He will be the one picking up the pieces of his own mistake (which he's got to learn ON HIS OWN). You are better off being happy for him, attend the wedding & be the Best Man as requested. Don't give any bad vibes at his wedding or before, just because other people don't agree with his life, it does not mean you should too. There's nothing worse than a bunch of friends turning their back on you or telling you who's good for you to marry & who's not.
2007-06-05 07:42:34 · answer #2 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never ever do what your thinking. Its his life. My brother got married and his best man told him it would be a mistake and steped down. It ruined their relationship, caused stress on my brother and my sister-in-law. I wasn't a big fan of my sister-in-law but he loves her, she loves him and they have a beutiful baby boy and another on the way. They are so happy and they just needed that "friend" to get out of the way. They have new friends that they found as a couple and the "friend" that did that lost his other friends b/c it showed he was a stupid jerk and didn't really care about my brother only that he thought he would be loosing his friend. Grow up stand up there and if it doesn't work out you can be there for him "pick up the peices" like you wrote. He wouldn't still be with her if he didn't want to. You never know what is going on behind closed doors and I'm sure they are very happy when it is just the two of them.
2007-06-05 07:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by Lovely Lady 27 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try, but chances are your friend won't listen. Years ago I was in the very same place you are now and I told my friend what I thought. We're close so I could take the chance and he respected what I said for the risk I was taking. He listened and thanked me and then went ahead and got married. And the misery and the fighting and the divorce I predicted followed.
Couple of words of advice here - state your peace and don't repeat it. Don't expect your friend to do anything other than go ahead with the wedding once you have your say. And three, never ever say I told you so when it all falls apart. Just be there.
PS, his other friends are useless, since your friend needs them now more than ever and they're nowhere to be found. Such is all one can expect from fair weather friends I suppose.
2007-06-05 07:37:32 · answer #4 · answered by wineboy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the 1st time I was engaged no one really liked him. He consumed all my time, picked on me and other people saw things I did not about his personality. I found out later he had a lot of scary issues.
What my friends and family did was asked a lot of loaded questions. Like "are you sure you really want to marry this guy, it is a lifetime commitment" or "how is he going to be when you have children" are you sure you are in love with him or with the idea of being in love". They asked about his past, past relationships - why they ended and asked me stuff about his temperament. Stuff that got me thinking.
They also kept asking me to go to family functions and started stealing my time back. If he said something I would get asked"whats it going to be like after your married".
Either way I would start pointing things out and let him know. I am SO, SO thankful my friends and family did so for me. Right after we broke up I met my husband. I know I would never been as happy with my ex. My husband is great and I am very happy and thankful.
2007-06-05 07:51:04 · answer #5 · answered by Ann 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your responsibility as a best man - part of that job is making sure the groom gets to the wedding and gets through the wedding.
However, as a friend, you need to tell your friend that you think he's making a bad choice. The chance exists that your friend will react badly and turn on you, but that's a chance you have to take if you believe he'll be better off without her.
2007-06-05 07:38:11 · answer #6 · answered by Jaeson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in your exact situation. My best friend of 20 years was going to marry a man that hit her. I told her as nicely as I could that I could not be a part of her wedding because I thought she was making a terrible mistake with her life. We lost touch for 2 years and I am very happy to say she did not marry him and is happily married to a wonderful man now. It was a very hard decision to make I almost lost my friend but I couldn't support her and watch her be hurt by him because all the support I gave he was never enough I had to back out and it was the right decision at the time. I can only share my story with you because ultimately you have a tremendous decision to make. I agree with you, its so very hard to watch someone you care about let someone treat them so badly. I wish it didn't happen but people let bad things into their lives everyday. I wish you all the best and I hope your friend finds the happiness he deserves. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that NO ONE!!! God Bless!!!!
2007-06-05 07:40:00 · answer #7 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend loves you enough to ask you to be his best man. He is happy, and he is a grown man doing what he belives is best for him and will make him the happiest in the long run.
Respect his decision, even though you may have second thoughts. Shake his hand, give him a guy hug and pat on the back, hug her and wish them the best.
He doesn't need another person telling him he's making a mistake; he needs someone to respect his decision and be there for him in his time in the limelight.
It is not for his friends (you included) or family to TELL him what is best for him; it's up to him. Be not only the best man, but the best friend.
2007-06-05 07:44:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from experience....
If you say something, you will be allienated because you aren't supporting him. You will be there to pick up the pieces (which is great), but if he feels like everyone was against him, he won't let anyone know that pieces need to be picked up.
I was a bridesmaid to a union and did not agree with it all. Now they are looking like divorice is next but he refuses to open up to anyone who did not agree with the wedding (the entire family).
So pick your battles, either way, you can't win.
Kids.... ouch... I hope it doesn't come to that.
2007-06-05 07:46:30 · answer #9 · answered by west 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A BEST MAN, BUT IT IS AS A FRIEND THAT LOVES HIM TO SAY SOMETHING. He loves her because she is one of very few women that even dealt with him. Make him realize that the relationship he has with her (abusive) is not healthy and normal. That he could very well, with his personality, find a woman that really loves him for him.
If he listens, then good for you. If he does not, I would not participate in the wedding as a gesture of commitment. Still be his friend afterword's, just to pick up the pieces. I would spend one on one time with him and exclude her, so that you two can openly talk. Also, when you bud in (IN THE NAME OF YOUR LOVE FOR HIM), be prepared for him to be mad at you. Good luck.
2007-06-05 07:38:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A real friend will stand by his friend no matter what your personal feelings are about his fiancee'. Don't pass up the opportunity to play an intricate part in a special day in your friends life-(whether it be a relationship that will last forever or one that last a few months)---It's the game of life.
2007-06-05 07:37:25 · answer #11 · answered by D T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋