"HE" doesn't want to give me any!!??? :(?

Question

So, my man doesn't want to have sex very often and I just don't get it. I thought women were the ones who were supposed to say "Not tonight"? But it is like one to two weeks at a time? I can rub on him and he just rolls his eyes and throws my hand off of him? I am so sexually frustrated that we fight all the time because I'm PI%%ED off all the time! I just don't know what to do. I don't think he is cheating... I can't think of when he would be able to if he was but this is just how he always has been but it seems to be getting worse and I am going crazy? Any other female going through this?

Answer 1

Not exactly. Worse. My ex and I were having sex just once in... (see if you can guess) ... 6 months! He wasn't cheating, his health was perfectly OK, he just don't wanna do it. Laziness. Pure and simple. And that was happening from day one of our pathetic, time and mind consuming sort-of-marriage. Because we known each other since were just kids, we were good friends, so it wasn't easy to leave him just because of that. Plus, no one believed me!! Who ever heard of such thing?!! I've done everything you can think of, nothing worked.
I hear you, girl, and my heart is with you. Don't do the same mistakes I did. Try and talk to him first, tell him your worries and frustrations, convince him to see a counselor or a doctor. Most of the times, low libido in men means they have a health issue (not necessarily a genitals problem). Try that (I did, but it didn't work, because he didn't want to go to a doctor, he said there is nothing wrong with him!!). If he refuses DUMP HIM.
I'm sorry to be as franc, but it's absolutely necessary to get rid of him if he doesn't change (and I'm afraid he will not).
I've lost almost 9 years of my life like that and now, when I finally meet my true other half, I will probably not have the joy of having any kids, because I'm too old. Think about it.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, girl.

Answer 2

Before my husband and I married (and I became pregnant) we were once-a-weekers (which is perfect in my book). After I became pregnant with our first child (even before I started showing) immediately his sex drive ceased to exist until A) it had been so long since we had sex that he just couldn't take it anymore, or B) he had had a few beers and was "loosened up." The main reason was that he said it freaked him out to have sex "with the baby right there," even though he knew it was perfectly safe. That's fine--some guys are just creeped out by that sort of thing--no big deal. After the birth of our son, the sex was still sporadic, and I was tired of waiting for him to come around, and tired of being rejected (eyes rolled, not tonight, etc.). I found out that he wasn't cheating on me, but that he had developed a rather nasty internet porn addiction and was "taking care of himself," and leaving me high and dry. I can't even begin to tell you everything that happened between my finding out and the pregnancy of our second child. Fights, screaming, tears, multiple "I'm sorry"ies, etc. Anyway, things got better for a while, then I got pregnant again with our second child. It started again.

Our younger child will be 2 in July, and this hasn't be a recurring problem since his birth. We still don't have sex as often as I'd like (maybe twice a month, sometimes three times on a good month, lol), but at least he's not rejecting me all the time now. I think at this point it's not porn--it's just a matter of we have two toddlers, he's a stay at home dad and has also started going back to college, and I work a full time job to support the family. If nothing else, we're just too exhausted, lol. Seriously though--do you guys have a computer? If so, do some checking around.

Answer 3

I had this issue with my ex and I believe I have a more active sex drive than most women, his ignoring my advances was accompanied with a lot of other relationship problems and led to my finding a way to meet my emotional and physical needs elsewhere, I am not proud. Eventually a divorce followed and for the best really.
My boyfriend and I are in a relationship and though it seems hard, we are open and honest about everything. we both are very physical people and enjoy time "together" nearly every day even 2 years into the relationship. It is a basic understanding between us that if we simply cut the other off, the offended party will go elsewhere for it. We are agreed that the other person will be given a warning that "hey, you aren't giving me the attention I am used to from you, is there a problem, please be aware that if you continue to turn me down and not be open with me I will feel you no longer want to be intimate with me and I will meet those needs elsewhere"
It may sound harsh but being open and honest often is hash but it is the only way to have a completely satisfying relationship.
Talk with your man, be brutally honest if need be, guys don't take hints well, my ex didn't that's for sure and I tried every trick in the book with him. He simply was interested in someone else and took for granted that I would always be around for if eventually he did feel like using me instead of his imagination or hand.
Go talk to him and be as honest and open as possible! good luck!

Answer 4

Please understand that everyone has their own sexual needs...some are far lower than others. And, your husband sounds as if he is worn out by work...please give him a break. Men are not mechanical toys at another's whim. We are no different than you...sometimes you want to, other times you don't ...your husband is a more "don't" than "do." It would be far easier for you to use a mechanical toy than fight this battle. And, you could discuss "sharing" the experience...this requires very little energy on his part, he doesn't even have to get it up...and you should be satisfied....a logical alternative to the fighting. And, there should be no embarrassment in bringing this up...it will make life much easier all the way around if he contributes to the deal, but if that is not what he wants, let's face it....you have a lot of "lone" time at your disposal...so use it wisely. IF he objects, then he needs some pro help. But I doubt that he will. I strongly disagree with some of the writings above....not every man wants sex daily, or even weekly. Some men have little or no sex drive. And I seriously doubt that he is cheating....none of this has that sound. Good luck

Answer 5

I am experiencing the same problem and we are newlyweds. However, my husband works for an oil company and is simply EXHAUSTED. He works 7 a.m. until whenever (usually 7-8) and he also works every other weekend. I notice I actually get it on the weekends he is off work. The rest of the time he falls asleep before the evening news, if he is home by then.

It is also possible your husband has a medical problems. If it isn't any of this, you should definitely look into marriage counseling. Have you tried talking to him?

Cheating isn't the only option. Most of these people responding don't know what they are talking about, but that's not surprising is it?

Answer 6

It's quite possible that he no longer finds you attractive. It could be due to any physical changes you might have had over the years. Or it is possible that he might have a much lower sexual drive than most men do. Either way, I can understand your frustration.

Usually, having a straight talk about it helps understand his inner thoughts. If he doesn't open-up much to a conversation, you may want to try to spend some time arousing him. Arousal does the trick most often. Please be patient if you can. It's possible that there are some work related pressures, financial pressures, or such things that are weighing down on him.

As a man I can tell you that if I for some reason not exactly in a mood for a sexual intercourse, and if I knew you wanted some, I'd be most willing to perform a lot of oral for you, and would love to give you an intense masturbation. Hopefully, he'll be willing to see your viewpoint and be willing to "give" you the pleasure you deserve :-) Good luck.

Answer 7

A couple of things - one that someone mentioned - masturbation. It could be that he is looking at porn and masterbating, which would result in him not having any sexual energy left for you.

The other thing, is that it could be medical. There are plenty of things that will cause a guys sex drive to be reduced. If it's a 'new' thing - I would suggest talking to him about how you feel - in a non agressive, not 'pissy' way - that you enjoy the physical aspect of your relationship, but that he doesn't seem to be as interested. Is something going on?

If he's just 'not in the mood' - I'd do a bit of research - rule out the usual 'cheating/mbing' and then suggest a doctor.

Prostate problems (in older men) can result in low sex drive, and so can low testosterone.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Boy some questions just get alot of answers I have read most of them and they are all pretty good, I guess it could be alot of things. you should really do some investigative work and see if it is porn on the computer or elsewhere or if he is cheating, maybe it is a medical problem and he is to embarres to talk about it or maybe he doesnt even know how to comunicate this to you or maybe he doesnt even know that he has a problem himself. However I just bought this book and have been trying these things on my husband without him knowing to see if it increase's his sex drive. The book is call The Food Doctor. and they also have a website you could check out too. it is the same WWW.THEFOODDOCTOR.COM and anyway somethings they say to try for sex is ostyers, alfafa spouts, rasberrys, ginger. I have been slipping this in my husbands meals and I have actually seen improvement. The book I bought was on foods and how they help you. but I have checked out the website and seen that they have a book just on how to increase your sex drive and if I would have seen that at the book store I would have got that one too. I am sorry this is so long I know alot of these answers are I hope that you find some sort of help from all of them. anyway Good Luck. Hope this helps..

Answer 9

Don't worry my husband and I use to have sex everyday now I'm even lucky if i get some once a week. He's a federal agent and this happened to me ever since he started working the grave yard shift. Don't worry I would always get the I'm tired excuse so I sat down with him and asked him if he wasn't turned on by me anymore or if he was seeing someone else he said no. I bought a sex book maybe you should try by giving him a back rub and other stuff to turn him on it's actually helped me boost my sex life.

Answer 10

Laura,
Women's sexual appetite is actually the same if not more than men's. It's just that women are quiet and polite about it. Sounds like he just doesn't like sex period. Probably has nothing to do with you at all. It's just him, hard to believe but there are people out there that just don't care for sex. I'm with you, I love sex all the time. Try exciting him with a lingerie show or flashing him or something like that. If that doesn't work I think you would be better off finding someone with the same appetite as you baby. Hope this helps.... : )