Should I leave my husband?

Question

My husband is always watching porn I have asked him to stop and have explain to him that it really upset me and how bad it makes me feel

I offer sex to him and he turns me down and would rather watch pron I am not shy in the bedroom any suggest to have him stop and start havin gsex with me we have been married for 5 yrs.

Answer 1

Maybe you should ask him why he watches porn so much. Maybe there is a way you can work around his problem. Try to work things out before you call it quits. Too many marriages end up in divorce. If the problem persists, give him an ultimatum. You or the porn. If he truly loves you, he would take into consideration your feelings.

Answer 2

I think your husband needs counseling. Unfortunately - you can't make him go to counseling.

I would also install filters on all the computers. You can find a free one that will block porn sites, and other things you tell it too: http://www.k9webprotection.com/

I would suggest you go to this website:

recoverynation.com

and read the partners information. It's specifically for the spouses/signifigant others of men or women that are sexually addicted.

Porn addicts - unfortunately - are harder to 'cure' than alcoholics. The drug created by orgasm is like Heroin, and it's addictive as can be.

If your husband has stated he 'wants' to stop - you might have a starting point. If he's ignored your requests, and continues to watch porn - then I'm afraid you are going to have to leave the marriage.

There are some tough questions to show your husband on this page:
http://www.firesofdarkness.com/answers/index.htm

Sometimes it helps - sometimes it doesn't.

The main thing for you to understand, is that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You aren't any less desirable, any less attractive, any LESS at all because he's a porn addict.

Most people don't understand unless they've truly been in a situation where their SO rejects actual physical sex to enjoy mbing to porn. It's humiliating, and hurtful and really makes you feel unattractive on a multitude of levels. But the reality is that it is NOT you - it's him.

I wish you luck in whatever happens. It's not an easy situation at all.

Answer 3

That is a tough place to be in as he really doesn't understand how much it hurts you when he is looking at porn because to him, it's just looking and it doesn't mean anything. For you, it's betrayal as you are supposed to be the only woman in his life and he is giving to them what is yours. He is giving "them" his time, his emotional lust and his thoughts. Those should belong to you ONLY when it comes to sex.

People are very divided about porn. I am against it because it does destroy relationships and it also makes sex mean nothing.

I cannot advise you on this - please see a therapist or if you are a member of a church, talk to your pastor - it is hard not to take what he is doing personally but it isn't about you at all. You have not failed in any way - your husband has the problem.

Get all the facts before you decide what to do with your marriage. You can't change anyone - you can only change how you respond. And if you find that you cannot accept this in your life and he will not change, then you can make a better decision and not feel like you could have tried harder before walking away.

Good luck.

Answer 4

If it was just the porn watching habit, I wouldn't think it would be grounds for divorce, but perhaps counseling. But if it's affecting you to the point where he chooses it over you, then I think you have a problem that you need to give him an ultimatum with. I'm not sure how obsessed with it he is, but if it's a serious obsession, perhaps you should consider leaving. I do understand how you feel, everyone has different opinions on stuff like this, and I personally don't care for it. If it's something that is making you truly miserable and he won't stop, then you need to move and and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. We only have one life, make it good! I hope it all works out ok for you.

Answer 5

I was always open with my husband with porn, and had it in the house to watch together, but he felt uncomfortable that I enjoyed it just as much as him and we stopped.

Anyway, we have had problems in our marraige, its pretty up and down. I had been in hospital really ill and when i came out i was signed off work for 5 week. Me and my husband were very rarely making love anyway and I felt so unattractive. We had a new computer, and after looking in the history i discovered he had been on loads of porn sites all the time I was ill. I was devestated. That was last August and I am still bitter about it.

I think the fact that I had been so open to allow it was really cool of me, but the fact he looked at it when he no longer desired me was just devestating.

Men, and women look at porn. There is nothing wrong in that at all, its when you hide it from your partner it becomes a problem. Im still with my husband, but i will be honest, I wish I had left, looking back. But thats due to a build up of problems in general.

The fact is, your husband is still doing it, despite your protestes. I would be tempted to google "big fat juicy cocks" into the computer, have a brief look, and leave it for him to find in the history. He wont like it.

Answer 6

It could be worse u know...he could be out sleepin w/ other people...porn is not that big of a deal...id rather for a man to watch porn than b off messin around...just tell him to tone it down and not watch it so much....he is ur husband u married him and u should accept him flaws and all....it sounds like a confidence problem u have..and u r makin him make a choice and give up something because of ur self esteem ..thats not right in a relationship ..yall are supposed to come to mutual understandings...omg its just porn its not like he's in the bedroom snortin something in his nose...there are worse things to leave a man over...think about what he could b doin instead he is at home watchin porn...

Answer 7

What is worst watching porn or cheating on you. Instead of taking such drastic measures, why not try marriage counseling, or make a deal with him on how much porn can he watch. Or just simply join him, it can be a lot more fun when the two of you watch it together, use it as a build up to sex. Another suggestion is start watching it and tell him as he watches for the girls you watch it for the guys, fair games ain't it.

Answer 8

What your husband is doing is a form of adultery.

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

No woman deserves to be treated with disrespect. Get yourself into counselling to get some tools on how to handle this subject. Your husband SHOULD NOT be looking at other women. He married you. That means looking, touching, fantasising.......You are one. If he decides to look at other women then he obviously does not respect you or care about your feelings. You need to deal with this immediately. Demand him to quit. I would throw out any tape/DVD he has and tell him it's you or the movies. Honestly. This is serious stuff. How do you think most affairs start? By mistake, NO, they tend to 'dream' of being with the other person and then eventually they act on it. Yes your husband only watches porn but what's next? Him going to a strip club and then having a stripper proposition him to have sex. Stand your ground before he comes home and tells you he's cheated.

Answer 9

I personally wouldn't divorce someone over porn (but then again it doesn't bother me). He should certainly respect your feelings though.

Have you REALLY explained it to him? You might want to talk to him again and tell him that it hurts you so much that you're seriously considering whether or not you can live with it.

Since you're askin here if you should leave him ... say it to HIM too. Tell him that you might have to leave if he doesn't stop. DO NOT threathen him. that won't work. Just tell him how you feel.

And if he really is "always" watching porn", he might be addicted and will need help in order to stop. Or does it just seem like he is doing it all the time because it upsets you? If he does it daily he probably does need help to break the addicition. It's not as easy as just stopping, he might want to, but isn't able.

Answer 10

If this is an issue in your marriage and if you told him to stop...then he needs to stop! It isn't healthy for the mind when the man is in a committed relationship. It is one thing to be curious but another thing to be obsessed. When it takes top priority over the womans feelings then this a problem. It gives men false idea's on the average women and most women in porn have severe issues in the first place to expose themselves like this. They are airbrushed with boob implants, and are mostly as made up cosmetically as they can be.They are not real when it comes to the intimacey of what love should be with a woman in his relationship to the women in his life. Men involved on a regular basis are addicted to it and don't even realize it because society is making this industry appear normal on every level! It is disrespectfull to the woman who is married to a man that does it and see's no wrong in it. This is usually where temptation starts for a man to think about cheating because it all originates and starts in the mind! Wives need to demand that counseling be top priority in her marriage when it starts causing problems in the marriage. Best wishes sweetie.