Anyone here ever been through relationship counseling?

Question

Did it work? What did you talk about? What came out in the sessions? Did it help to solve or patch your problems?

Answer 1

NO

Answer 2

Well, I am a marriage/family therapist and have found counseling to be very effective for many of the couples I've counseled. However, in order for it to work, both parties need to be willing and open to suggestions and change. I sometimes see couples together, then again separately.

As far as what you talk about, there's usually one or two big issues that drive them to seek counseling. It could be an extra-marital affair, porn, problems with the kids, lack of communication, or a number of things. Those big problems usually get addressed first, and often you will find there are underlying problems and the major ones are just the tip of the iceberg.

Your sessions will involve not only talking, but working towards results and change. These are not sessions to vent at each other or try to get the therapist to side with you. He/she will present a neutral front. Your purpose for counseling is to make your marriage better. Your therapist will most likely give you both "assignments" individually and as a couple throughout the week, and you will report back to him or her. This could be something as simple as a husband practicing walking out of the room when he feels his temper rising, or working to eliminate accusatory statements, or going on a date together that weekend.

While counseling will not necessarily eliminate your problems altogether, it will definitely help you learn how to handle them in a way that you can tackle them together as a team.

One more thing, if you don't both "click" with your counselor, find a new one! Rapport is very very important. Also, make sure you have the same core beliefs. For example, if you don't want to divorce, don't see a counselor who supports it. Or if your husband has a porn addiction, don't see a counselor who thinks porn is healthy. When you don't click with your counselor or you don't share some of the same beliefs, it could actually do your marriage more harm than good.

Good luck!

Answer 3

There are no guarantees...even when BOTH are committed to making changes...each of us can only change so much...but counceling does provide a forum for total expression of feelings, emotions, and views that cannot be interurpted by the other. Then, the other is asked what he/she feels about what was just said. IF both are honest, a greater understanding of each will happen, but that does NOT mean changes will happen. Often in a relationship, it is NOT what is said, but how it is percieved by the other..counceling does cure this problem, and shows each how to handle feelings about what comes up .... it encourages open exchange and discussion, but does NOT prevent fights if things are not handled correctly (even if they are handled well, fights are going to happen). I went to counceling, found out much, and it made little difference to the relationship. What didn't work still didn't work, but at least I understood why it didn't work. As you can tell, I am rather abrupt...and this can be mistaken as being cross when it is not intended to be cross. A simple, "are you as angry as you sound" solved that issue. But there were just too many issues to solve, so we parted with an understanding that we had each done all we could, and neither of us had a sense of failure...for that, I am thankful.

Answer 4

I am also a counselor. What I have found is that with many couples it takes a few sessions before they feel comfortable opening up and being honest. And yes, they have to be honest, but it can take a little time.
I have also counseled individuals that have been successful in helping their marriages even though their partner did not participate in the sessions.
Sometimes individuals need to see their own roll through the eyes of an outsider in order to improve themselves.
To answer your question, it usually works if the couple are willing to give it a try.

Answer 5

The biggest problem with counseling for couples is when one or both go in with the wrong idea of what it is and how it works. What I see most often: (1) One of the partners does not want to be there and has no intention of really working on anything. They are there just to appease the other. (2) One of them honestly does not see any problem with the marriage and thinks the other is just over reacting. And what I see most of, is that one or both think counseling is a place to go where they can play the blame game and tell a third party how rotten their mate is and hope to get this person to side with them. The last are not really there to fix anything, they are just there to vent about all the failures of their mate. Don't look for success if you or your partner have any of the above attitudes, chances are it will not help.

If you go, both of you need to go with a team attitude. We have a problem or problems. We need some ideas of how to work through them. We want to help or save our relationship. We are willing to give and take, not just take.

Answer 6

Yes, I have. It helped me so much I decided to become a marriage/relationship counselor myself. Ateez9 is 100% correct when he says that both couples have to be committed to making things work. Often times I counsel couples that are just using marriage counseling as an excuse to say "well we tried, i guess we hav no other choice but to divorce."

Relationship counseling ONLY works when BOTH parties are honest and committed. Period.

Answer 7

i have been though relationship counseling but it didn't work for us. the reason it didn't work for us is because we weren't open with the counselor about all our issues. he didn't went to work on all our issues just the ones he thought we needed to work on. so since we didn't work on all our issues it didn't work for us. we were suppose to learn how to communicate with each other and how to solve our issues without being abusive to each other. it really didn't help solve our problems or even patch them up. and we ended up splitting up and going our own way.

Answer 8

I've gone through pre-marital counseling and that helped a lot.

Answer 9

Ya it works as long as both parties are committed to making things work. You talk about anything you want to bring up.

Answer 10

If both people are serious it can work.

If not, then it is a good way to clear the air before the divorce....

Either way it is money well spent.

Answer 11

Well, my wife was a total liar and it went no where because of it.