this is a follow up to my previous question. He is controlling. if i don't rock the boat he is fine with me

Question

but i want to go back to school










his anwser is" we will see." " what about the kids he says" he controls me with money i want to buy a shirt " no don't you think you have enough clothes." I don't know if i can take it much longer. i know married couples should compromise and give sometime. but he is a flirtateous hypocrite who has a cave man attitude when it comes to marriage. People say oh you have a good marriage. yeah as long as things are going his way. God forbid i go to school anyway he would throw a fit. like i said before overall its an ok married i guess but these issues kill the core of me. they make me want to scream. what do i say or what actions do i need to take to make him less controlling. although i want a divorce he won't give me one and i don't work and have no way to pay for a lawyer or even the filing fees. he won't go to counselling... i have four kids and my heart says he is a good father shut up and live don't break your kids hearts

Answer 1

Mommy being unhappy can't make the kids all that happy. You can't be controlled by someone who loves you. if he did have any love at all for his family he would not be this way. He feels as if he has no control over his own life and this is why he feels the need to control you. The controlling will get worse and not better. If you know in your heart you don't love him and can't see yourself in this relationship 5 years from now, get out now without hesitation. You can make it with your will of wanting to be free of someone who controls your whole life. Take it one step at a time and make a plan to get out soon.

Answer 2

I think deep down you know the answer to this one. You are completely right, he Does have a cave man attitude about marriage. You should, at the very least, not have to ask him every time you want to buy a new item of clothing! I think your wanting to go back to school is a good idea, it shows ( to me anyway) that you know you will later NEED a career to fall back on. It is wonderful that he is a good father, but he can continue to be that, even if you are no longer together. Is there not some sort of legal aid you can approach about divorce? I do not know the legal system in your country, but I am sure there must be some sort of help you can get. To continue living in an atmosphere where you are being controlled is not a good idea, not for you or for your children.

Answer 3

I did NOT even have to read the question. GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. Take the kids and go. File for divorce and look back. You spent so much of your life with him and he is using all this against you such as your kids, your lack of accomplishments, etc. You want to go to school? GO TO SCHOOL and dont let him keep you from anything at this point. He needs to respect you and now you need to stand up for yourself without letting you down. If he hits you, call the police and file that report. The next day move forward. Every state has free legal assistance for women who can't afford a lawyer and many law firms will represent the wife on contingentcy during a divorce, etc. It does not matter if he gives you a divorce, one can be granted or just seperate and get him out of your life. DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR HEART LISTEN TO YOUR BRAIN. For what ever time you have in your life, you are intitled to live it without the abuse. It may be a little hard at the beginning but you can do it. The kids I am sure will understand because anything is better then listening to parents fight and seeing their mother hurt. Kick him out and don't look back. If he will not leave then you go. Good Luck to you

Answer 4

You can definitely have your say, But you have to be calm, and expect to be heard, like an adult. You are behaving in a child to parent way..Deep down, he would probably wish for an equal partner rather than someone who is like another child of his, "You don't need a Daddy", you need a partner, and it would actually be better for him if he would accept you more as a partner, instead of him having to be the one to make each and every decision. You will suffer some sort of change in your own core being as you say this is killing the core of you and makes you want to scream, and this will even affect any happy sex life between you two. I think you can work this out, but you will need to study up on it or find counseling, maybe his job has benefits that include this, and he doesn't have to go, maybe the problem is with the way you are communicating your wishes..You have a right to work towards making your life enjoyable and harmonious.... Best wishes, I think you can make this alot better, you only live once, so make things go your way..... :)

Answer 5

Depending on where you live, you may be eligible for spousal support as well as child support. If that's the case, you would have income while you get a job.

Also, see if there are any sliding-scale legal aid groups you could consult b/c the first thing you need to find out is whether you can sue for divorce and have him pay the associated legal fees.

Until you talk to someone knowledgeable about the laws in your state, any other advice people give you may not pertain to your situation.

Answer 6

This isn't going to be a popular answer.

You need to work things out with him. Why put 4 lives in a broken house just to appeal to you being happier.

Biblically, women are to submit to their husbands AND (NOTE THE WORD AND) the husband is to love his wife as himself.

Explain this to him (if you are Christians) that you will submit to him being the head of the house. Just ask him to love you as himself.

You chose to have children, thus, you choose not going to school. They are worth it. They'll take care of you when you are old.

Being self-centered is probably one of the worst faults of our society.

What are you going to do if you go back to school? Learn something. Good. But most people go back to get better jobs. You have 4 kids and the setup is that you are watching them.

Just relax and think things over. Your kids smiles and security is worth not getting a new shirt all the time or going back to school.

Answer 7

You sound more like a slave than a wife. How much more are you going to take? Do whats right for you not the kids.

Answer 8

Ok, you don't say he hits or physically abuses you in any way. So, assuming that isn't an issue, just GO ENROLL IN COLLEGE.

You can get financial aid...and daycare aid. Just go out and do it, don't ask permission. If he ups and leaves, then you have your divorce.

Answer 9

only you can figure this one out. if hes a good father, he will be a good father whether he lives with you or not. good luck.