Why dont parents understand their teens?

Answer 1

Oh sweety, That has been going on for years. Your children will not understand you either. Just remember that your parents have a lot more experience in life than you do. I tell my kids to just come talk to me if I'm way out of line and I try to listen to their side of the story and maybe come to compromise. Try having a heart to heart talk with them. Oh, and remember, one of these days, the answer to this question will become crystal clear to you!

Answer 2

It's not that parents don't understand their teens. They do. Turst me, any parent can remember those days. Part of the conflict is parents look back and remember the fact that as a teen they weren't terribly self-aware, they didn't really have a clue how they impacted others and there were plenty of moments when mental glitches made them do really stupid things they later regretted. They also know that if a teen doesn't have a good sense of self-esteem it's a lot easier for them to follow the crowd rather than chart their own path.

All of that said, something to be aware of. As a teenager, your brain is going through a hefty amount of changes right now. At this time, unnecessary dendrites are being pruned back. So whatever you do a lot right now, be it sports or studying...those are the paths that are going to stick with you. Other things you do very infrequently will get pruned away as being unnecessary. While this is going on, however, a lot of the energy in your brain is going into this process and not as much is going into the areas of higher cognitive function. Hence, the oftentimes stupid mistakes that you can't see at the time (the 17 yr old who recently planted his sperm in a bottle of salad dressing in a cafeteria comes to mind as a primo example).

When you hit about 18, you're brain starts the final mylenation process on the frontal lobes and this will continue until you're around 25. The frontal lobe is the one responsible for forethought, planning, organization, thinking through consequences of actions BEFORE undertaking the actions and logical, rational thought.

When you're experiencing the disconnect with adults, blame your brain's teenage development because that's really at the heart of the matter.

Oh, and one other thing. Parents don't really hate you and your music when they tell you to turn the volume down. Reseach within the last 4 years has found that the ear drum loses flexibility as people age. By the time a person hits their mid-late 40's and definitely in their 50's loud sounds are literally painful. So that loud music you're blasting and loving is actually very painful to mom and dad. They'll learn to appreciate your music a lot better if you keep the volume reasonable.

Answer 3

20 and still arguing.... As the years go by generations change. Things are different now than they were 26 years ago when my parents were my age and we fight all the time about things. Most recently my hair. I got a mohawk, dad's argument is that 10 years from now I'll be going to get a job and I wont get it because the lady will remember me as the chick with the mohawk. He also says its an anti social hairstyle and all I'm getting it for is to be a punk and scare people off. My side I want it because I like the way mohawks look, I don't care what other people think and its a very common hairstyle today and not in the same sense as it was 30 years ago. I have a job and my boss loves my hair. Point being, parents and their kids will always argue about something or another. The way people grow up affects the way they feel. Every situation is different so even though "mom and dad" may have gone through something similar they don't know exactly how you feel.

Answer 4

I think it's the other way around. Teens don't understand their parents. I am 33 and have an almost-13-year-old son, and I also have a 16-year-old brother and 15-year-old sister. My sister comes to me often for advice when she's arguing with the P's. Most of the time, she has done something wrong and then she's in trouble, and she doesn't understand why they're mad. When I talk to her and turn it around so she can see what the situation looks like to the P's, she understands a lot more clearlly. Teens really think they know everything - I know I did. Parents usually realize that they don't know everything but when the kids don't clarify situations or don't respect their parents' wishes and then make it clear that they don't care, the **** hits the fan. I've come to realize that miscommunication in the form of misunderstanding, usually on the part of the teen, is the biggest problem, at least in my family. I feel very lucky having a brother and sister so close to my son's age to show me what to expect. I think my sister feels lucky having me and our other older sister around to bridge the gap. We have a lot more experience than she does, and at the same time, we can't punish her so we can offer guidance on everything from how to deal with the P's to how to deal with her friends.

Answer 5

As a parent I would say the better question would be, how come teens don't understand that their parents know what they are going through and understand how is should be?
I was a teen how also figured that my parents were too dumb to understand what I was going thru. There was no way that they had these feelings or problems when they were young!
But, alas, you will understand when you have children.
And probably not a moment before.

Answer 6

Parents do understand a lot about being a teenager, but teens tend to not want to talk to them about anything for fear of being seen as too childish. When we move into our teen years, we are starting to establish a solid self-identity and want to be independent. Parents understand all of this, despite what teens may think, because they've been there. The differences come in when both teens and parents forget that times change and there should be more discussion prior to action.

Answer 7

Sweetheart parents do understand. Life is just hard. I am 25 years old and expecting my first child in Oct. I was a horrible teenager to my parents. I constantly was doing opposite than what my parents wished me to do. It wasn't till about 4 years ago until I understood my parents.
When we are teens we think we understand the world and have all of the answers and could care less of what our parents think or want. They just want to see you be successful in life and want the best for you.
I know its a hard, and its not a great time to be a teen in our society now. Just keep your head up... It will get easier. :)

Answer 8

We do understand. We just don't agree with everything or see things the same way. That is due to the experience and knowledge we have gained over the years. We offer our advice or suggestions in hopes that kids will learn from our mistakes or even just look at situation from a different view. We understand plenty. We have lived it. Give parents a chance. You will be one oneday. What would you tell your child as an answer to this question?

Answer 9

The problem is that parents understand their teens more than the teens believe they possibly could. They have been where you are and they go crazy trying to prevent you from making the same mistakes they did.

You will eventually see this as you get older and more experienced, but right now, your parents will just seem like stubborn fools.

Answer 10

It is not that they don't understand....it is just that some parents just don't like to face certain things that come their way. I think communication is key with any relationship and sometimes people forget that. But it takes both sides to accomplish this, teens need to understand that parents have been there and only want what is best. Also, if you have good communication I think it paves the way for better understanding. :)

Answer 11

Communication gap!

Actually, this could be remedied if parents would try to remember what it was like to BE a teenager. I'm not talking about comparing our entertainment or style to the entertainment / style of teenagers today, or anything like that. I mean what it actually FELT like: the hormones, the pressures of school (and work for some), the social aspects, what it feels like to like somebody who doesn't notice you exist, or what it feels like to have a guy like you for the wrong reasons, etc. It would also be helpful if teens would APPRECIATE and RESPECT their parents, because parenting is a difficult job sometimes. The world today is MUCH worse than the one we grew up in, and that's pretty scary. For one thing, bullies in our day fought with their fists - they didn't bring guns to school. Teen pregnancy was practically unheard of, now it's so common that it isn't even shocking to see anymore. That's sad. Contrary to popular belief among teens, parents are NOT opposed to you having fun. They just don't want you to have fun at the expense of your health, or possibly risk of your life. They also don't want you to have fun at the expense of somebody else's feelings. If your parent is laying down the law, be thankful that they LOVE you enough to do that! At least that means you have parents that care more about YOU than they care about themselves! Not all children are as fortunate. But parents should treat EACH of their children as individuals, not according to some other child's behavior. They should allow their children a bit of freedom to make some of their own choices and learn from their mistakes.