How does saying that my HUSABDN LEFT ME AND MY TWO YOUNG KIDS FOR ANOTHER WOMAN make ME look bad?

Question

If said matter of factly, those are the facts, particularly when I hear that he has made up lies about me.

Answer 1

Unfortunately its the interpretation of the word "left". See if he left you behind, he therefore found something better. The interpretation is that there was something that made you "less than" and her "more than".

Throwing in the "and my two young kids" often is said with bitterness and people take it to mean you are very bitter about it--and often perceived as desperate. In such a way as saying "I'd take him back in a heartbeat if only he'd come back". It puts all the choices in his hands, and leaves you desperately awaiting his decision.

I understand that those are the facts--but often when people say that a spouse left thm, they are taking no responsibility for the state of the marriage. Did he just one day never come back? B/c that happens. The guy goes for cigarettes and never comes back. But sometimes the couple has been fighting and threatening divorce for years before they finally decide to call it quits. I know when I was single, I judged guys who said all their ex's were psycho, cheating, prostitutes. I mean what we have is either a guy who goes for that (obviously if everyone you date is that way, it must be your type), or a guy who after he is dumped she is psycho b/c she wouldn't tolerate his behavior. If she must be psycho merely for dumping him, you have a pretty good idea that in a few months you too will be the next psycho exgirlfriend. Sometimes if you are calling your ex names, it implies to someone that everyone you date will eventually be called the same names.

Also--you have the kids. So you don't want to alienate those kids from the man who created them. Without him, you wouldn't have those wonderful bundles of energy running around your house. That might have been the best part of him and you got it. But you don't want those kids to feel that they can't invite bio-dad to the graduation, or weddings--b/c mom can't handle it. It is important that they have a relationship with him and form their own opinions of his character. That is the only dad they have.

Sometimes it is impossible to state facts and come out on the high road. Sometimes you have to say We both made mistakes--even though you really feel you didn't. Your mistake was merely in falling in love with the wrong guy. But the high road in the end, makes you look classy elegant and the better person.

Answer 2

Facts and truths can still make you look vindictive, petty, angry and resentful. None of which make anyone look good. It is not just other people that you need to consider, but more importantly your children. If you and your children are out somewhere and someone asks about your husband and you reply, "I don't know, he left us for some other woman." Although, it may in fact be the truth, it makes you look bad to the person asking and it puts your children in a bad spot. You could simply say, "we are no longer together" and leave it at that. That way, your children do not hear you attacking their dad, and nobody else will be telling others how spiteful you are. As hard as it is and as much as you may want to crush him and his reputation, you need to take the high road and in the long run, it will make you look good and not the opposite.

Answer 3

It is the old saying of two wrongs don't make a right. Just because he is a spineless bastard that abandoned his family for someone else and chooses to bad mouth his children's mother does not make it okay for you to do the same.

Although it is the truth and factual it is very easily seen as you being petty and ugly about him.

Let him dig his own hole by acting the way he is.

Take the high road and just say that you two have split up and leave it at that. You will appear and will be acting as the more mature and great role model that you should be for your kids.

Let him step in his big steamy pile of karma and it will come back to bite him.

Hang in there!!

Answer 4

Do you really care what people say? Are they running your life or are you?

Even the most well meaning people will give bad advice. Whomever told you this is delusional! THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKS BAD IS HIM. Dump your friend and forget about him~~except go after child support issues.

Lies are told to cover the truth! He wants to look better to others and justify why he left. Simple! And so is he.

ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. So don't feed into other people's opinions of you or your life. Rely on yourself and make yourself and kids happy. Do not share your personal information (or thoughts) with people who will ridicule you for your decision. When you do that, you give people a right to make a comment, no matter how wrong they are. IMPROVE YOUR SELF ESTEEM!

You are looking pretty good to me; after all, you did get rid of your dead weight. Now, don't continue to care about him. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND HAVE FUN.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you have to go through this!

He is trying to justify his horrible actions toward you by trying to make it seem like it's your fault. He knows what he did was wrong. He's not worth the energy you use thinking about his lies and how much he hurt you.

You and those that are truly your friends will know what has happened. Keep those people close, focus on your kids and working through this, and you will show them all that you are the better person.

Good luck!

Answer 6

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Answer 7

It doesn't make you look bad, couples need to stick it out, regardless of what they have to sya about eachother..a rude person would say you didn't keep him happy so that could lower your esteem a little, but I don't think that is true at all...people go through alot and maybe they don't keep eachother happy, but that is personal between husband and wife, and in no way do I think you look bad, especially if he made up lies about you...somehow we always get stuck in the bad seat as the bad one right???

Answer 8

Well it makes him look bad, obviously he's not man enough to be loyal to one woman, and his kids. Just move on ignore what people say about the situation. It's human nature to love the drama around everything.

Answer 9

It isn't that is makes you look bad, it is that you are still not over it. You need to realize it has happened and move on. Not everyone needs to hear the story and those who know you know the story so does not need reminded. Start looking for a way to move forward and become a divorced woman raising two kids on her own. That in itself is a great accomplishment. Don't lower yourself to his level and badmouth him. Live your life and put him in your past.

Answer 10

Depends on why he left you for another women, maybe you abused them and he found someone else, you need to tell the whole story, but if he left for no reason why are you not trying to get your kids back