My husband did not come home!!?

Question

Well one of his long time friends came into town and he went out w/ him and more of their other friends. I don't trip off that, if anything I encourage him to hang out w/ his buddies. All I ask is that he keep in touch w/ me because I worry about him drinking and driving. Well I text him about 11:30pm to let me know when he is on his way home so I can expect him, So I fell asleep and woke up at 4am to find him still not home(which is not like him) So I started to feel sick and worried. I called and called w/ no answer. Finally calls back a lil b4 5am and says he's ok and he feels he has done nothing wrong. Now I am not mad cuz I think he was out cheating or anything, I am mad cuz he had me worried and up when had to get up at 5:45 for work. How do I address this? Is he taking advantage of my niceness?

Answer 1

Tell him you´ve never made an issue of his going out before- and you´re not going to start now. The issue is that you´re a couple, and you love and cherish him, and if he´s going to do the absolutely uncharacteristic thing of staying out until 5 AM he should let you know beforehand: not because he has to ask for permission, not because you´re controlling him, but as an act of RESPECT and CONSIDERATION, because you´re sitting at home scared to death that the love of your life is lying somewhere hurt or dead by the side of the road. Then calmly ask him to look at it from your side: how would he have felt in your situation? Don´t put words in his mouth, actually let him think about it. He´ll probably give a grudging grunt or some other guttural sound to aknowledge he screwed up. Then ask him to please never do it again, and he´ll probably be more than happy to do that since it´ll let him off the hook this time!

Answer 2

I had the same thing happen to me and I was mad bc I was worried from not hearing from him, and when I finally did he acted like he didn't do anything wrong. We're engaged, and live together and I explained to him that I was worried and that he should've had the courtesy to call and tell me he wasn't coming home, so I didn't wake up in a panic at 4 am when he didn't come home. Once he understood my viewpoint, he was apologetic and he's been really good about calling in or letting me know plans ahead of time.

Just talk to him, and hopefully he'll keep in touch next time.

Answer 3

If he does this alot I would be mad, but if its out of character and he was just hanging out with an old buddy that he hadn't seen in a while let it slide, but definitly tell him how much it worried you, and if next time he wants to stay out so late have enough respect to let you know it will be a late night, and periotically call if possible...

Answer 4

No, you need to relearn that he is grown. He may have taken a while to call, but he did....give him that credit.

Realistically, if you are worried about him drinking and driving, he must have a drinking problem, DWI or something for your great concern. Of course, you don't think he is cheating(although, I am not truly convinced of this--I would think so, but I don't know him.)

If this is not an ongoing problem, don't make one of it. Don't be mad or nag him. Take your butt to bed and do what you have to do. IF TROUBLE IS COMING, WORRYING ABOUT IT WILL NOT CHANGE A THING...IT ONLY CHANGES YOU!

Answer 5

He is not a high school boy anymore..he is a grown man with a family at home, and he needs to come home every night...if you married him and he acted like that before I would say he is not wrong..but he if never stays out like that, and you married him thinking he was a guy who comes home everynight..then he is wrong. I know he wants to be with his bud, but at the end of the day he needs to come home to YOU!!! I think you need to tell him that doesn't work in the relationship and if he does it again, and makes you worry always then he is out.

Answer 6

Just tell him that you are upset with him because he made you worry about his safety. If he loves you he will understand. Wouldn't he have been worried about you in the same situation? Put it to him like that. Besides, when your wife calls you, you answer the phone. If he doesn't understand that, then yes, he is taking advantage of your niceness.

Answer 7

You need to say something like "I'm cool with you having fun with your friends but you need to remember that your actions (or lack thereof) affect someone else in your life. I am your wife and when it's 4am and I haven't heard from you and don't know where you are, it affects me and that's not right. If you're going to go out, I need to hear from you, that's all there is to it. Part of being in love with someone is worrying about them when they're not around, I'm not being a nag but you need to remember this."

Answer 8

If he does not do this regularly, then let it drop. If it becomes a habit, then tell him calmly why it bothers you. If this is a one time thing because a friend he hadn't seen in a while was in town, you don't want to make a big deal of it.

Answer 9

He was negligent and inconsiderate for not letting you know that he was okay, but don't jump to the conclusion that he was cheating. There are times when we all forget to be responsible and want the party to go on forever - especially with a good friend that hasn't been seen for awhile.

Answer 10

Don't yell! Just when he gets home for work, tell him politely how you feel. Say something like, Baby I understand your need to hang out with your friends, but you don't need to neglect your responsibilities to me and yourself. You know you had to go to work and that I would be worried about you. Next time, just tell me you won't be coming home so I won't be stressing myself out with worry about you. Add more dialog if you want. It worked with mine.