I'm having a rude awakening - can anyone else relate to this?

Question

Recently, my huband & I both lost our jobs.
My husband's company shut down, we were tied up in legal matters with that for weeks, & I was forced to look for a better job in my field to make up for the loss in his pay. Most people don't realize that the application process at established companies for professional jobs is at least 3 weeks. Employment is down in our town, & at the end of that month I was out of a job, too, w/ no new work.
This situation is so uncharacteristic for us. Family usually comes to us for favors & money, etc. They shamelessly ask for hundreds of dollars assuming we have lots of $$ because we keep our house clean & don't complain to everyone about money matters.
Now that we're in need, everyone has scattered. We discreetly asked for help, but no one really responded. Our utilities were due to be cut off this week. We asked everyone if they'd pitch in a little, but they all were suddenly broke. We had to accept $$ from our 70 year old grandparents. That hurt.

Thanks to the guy who pointed out MY failure. That's real nice & irrelevant to the question.
Just to let you know - we aren't failures. We are young people just starting out who care a lot about our family so we shared our sudden wealth with them. Unfortunately we were naive & it didn't even last long enough for us to save much (a few years.)
If you are here to just to rant, please save it.

Answer 1

When you are in need, you find out who your real family is. I can relate, and I know how you feel. They always have their hands out to you and when you help them, you are lucky if you get what you lent back. Then you need just a little help, and they suddenly don't know you. Fair weather family and friends are what you have. I hope you learned from this listen in life. No matter what, don't let them change you. They will pay for their selfishness in the end. God will bless you and sometimes he has to guide you down a long, dark path to get you back on the right track. You needed something to open your eyes to the truth, and know that it has been, God will provide for you. Never not just pay utilities, but pay on them. As long as you put something on them, it will extend them to the next month. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 2

I am sorry you are going through this. Try and keep your head up. Unfortunately, family and friends, even though they should be happy for you when you are doing well, a big part of them is jealous. They almost feel as if you OWE them. I am glad, as I am sure that you are as well, that atleast your grandparents were able to help. Just pay them back whenever you can. They helped because they love you and truly want the best for you. My husband and I have never been hurting for money, however, we are constantly hit up for loans. We used to always say yes, and in recent years started to say no and now those people talk behind our backs. They call us selfish, among other things. Some won't even speak to us anymore, as if we owed them what they asked for. Charity starts at home. When you get back on your feet, SAVE a bit from each payday. Also, if you do ever loan money again, look at it as a gift, because you know the person more than likely will NEVER pay you back. I wish you and your husband all the best.

Answer 3

I feel sorry for the rude people here that don't understand life.

The people you have helped in the past and are not forthcoming to your situation now more than likely don't have the means or resources to help you and if they even do have it are smugly thinking you have been knocked down a peg or two and seeing what their life is like (not my opinion theirs). Everyone has a different circumstance, some are chosen, others are dealt. I'm a firm believer that when it rains it pours when it comes to misfortune. If you talk to your utility company you may be able to work something out to keep from losing it all. If you have always been a reliable customer they do help you. Churches are another source of help in times of need. You need to remember that everyone has hardships now and then, just don't give up. You have already shown that you are a better human being then the relatives that you helped that are now scattered. Be true to yourselves and the rest will come. Good luck

Answer 4

No amount of reproach is needed here. Unfortunately you've just learned a very hard lesson about "friendship." Hindsight is only 20/20 but at least now you know who really is dependable. The only thing to do now is to find some sort of work, at least something to pay the bills for now, and then start paying back your grandparents (who seem like the only ones that you could depend on). Start looking for work in other areas too, i'm sure commuting to work each day wouldn't be so bad if the job was worth it. With the job experience it sounds like you both have, i'm sure you wont have a problem with being hired.
Good luck with everything and I'm sorry that you had to find out about your friends and family like that.

Answer 5

Obviously the family are a bunch of moochers, and you've learned the lesson about "friends in need".
My comment is about working. You don't say what you and your husband do, but can you free-lance or contract your services? There are lots of companies who hire contractors, and you can work from home over the internet. Can you set up a personal business? There are 2 questions to ask yourself: 1) If I didn't have to work, what would I love to be doing; and 2) how can I get someone to pay me for doing that? Figure out those 2 things and you're on the way!
I would hope you continue to consider every possible avenue of employment; including relocating if necessary.
Good luck!

Answer 6

That is awful. I am going to say this and please dont get upset with me. When you do get back on your feet, I wouldn't give another person a single dime to help them financially. Next time they ask you for money, ask them what they need it for. If they say groceries, get in your own cabinet and give them enough for a meal, if they say to buy gas, go with them to get it. I haven't had the money to give anyone in a long time, but I can kind of relate to how you are feeling. For the last 5 years my husband and I have helped all of our friends move numerous times. This last month we let everyone know that we were moving to a new house, when the weekend came to move only one person showed up, it was someone that we haven't helped do anything yet. The rest of everyone we knew were busy. Maybe I was wrong in being a little upset, but I will not help anyone even carry the groceries in again. Comes to a point that you feel used, kind of like a door mat. I do feel bad for you, and good luck finding a new job.

Answer 7

Poor you. That situation is so unfortunanate and 100% not your fault. It could just as easily happen to anyone. I really admire your strenght in finding a new job to help make up your husbands salary. Well done. Your obviously a strong woman. My late uncle used to always say it wont rain every day and I think it's true. Although your down on your luck now it will come back! It's a typhoon in your life right now but the sun will ocme out again, trust me. Just hold your head hgh and keep searching for a new job, you will soon be able to repay your grandparents and hold your head high to your family because you can sucseed without their help but they need you. Good luck and keep your chin up!

Answer 8

My family is the same way. I work hard and earn a good living, I have a nice house, car etc. My family thinks that they have the right to ask for money for the most stupid things just because I've been financilly wise.

They used to throw guilt trips on me so I would give them money, and when I did, it was never "enough" because I "could" send more. Mind you, I'm not rich but they though that me sending $400 a month was a "miserable" gift, even though I've never spent $400 on myself.
I helped my adult sister through college, pay for "oh so neceserary" breast implants, pay for my other adult sister "very important" lasik surgery etc. etc. Both of them have never worked a day on their lives (25 and 32), but I've been working and saving since I was 17.
I never bought myself something lavish.... because they made me feel guilty and it was "my duty" to suport my adult lazy sisters. They never cut me no slack during Christmas, Birthdays etc...

When I needed my family's emotional support during my divorce... they turned their backs on me! Once the ATM ran dry, and I had to downsize, the monetary gifts were rare and they were ENRAGED!!!! Then I realized that they only care about the money and not me.... so I cut off all ties with them.

It's during difficult times when you know who is true to you. Your family isn't. Thank God for Grandparents!!! They are the best!

Good luck in your job hunting. Don't lose the faith, Keep on trying.

Answer 9

It's sad isn't it? My husbands family is exactly the same way. Most of them have lived with us at some point when they had nowhere to go, or we would make their rent payment or car payment or whatever to help them get by when they were in trouble. We hit a rough spot about 8 years ago (my company shut down and my husband's job just didn't cover the bills and I just gave birth when my company pulled stakes and left - I was there for 7 yrs. Non of us knew it was coming) and asked for help and we were given the same responses as you, sorry we're broke (and they probably were). I had to go to the Salvation army to pay our fuel bill so we would have heat (it was mid December),our electric bill, and our rent. We ultimately made it through, but what kills me is they will still come to my husband for money or work (He started his own company 3 yrs ago) when they are in need. We still help them, mainly because of their children, we don't want them to suffer because they have lazy parents, so we do what we can, but now we know we can't depend on anyone but ourselves. It was hurtful when it happened, but it made us more driven and stronger in the end.

Answer 10

Relate to your story !!! It is the story of my life.
There are the givers and there are the takers and most people fall into the taker category.
Isnt it one of lifes blessings that you have no children to carry through sordid chapter of life awareness.
It doesnt change as time goes on unless one is able to find a happy medium where they can still live in the world of giving and not feed the wants of the takers.
Hope this period is a short lesson on being wise to the natures of others and may you both find good employment soon