He hides his porn, gets update messages, doesn't make love, wants me to initiate always & is one of those lay there & do nothing guys while you do all the work. Yet he treats me like a queen otherwise. He doesn't go out- just goes to internet skin sites- may be doing some online dating???? Now gets violent when I bring the hiding up. But doesn't hit me- just tears up stuff. I am fed up as a woman & frustrated. We have been married for over 19 years. I am not unattractive or a prude. I have been very patient. But.......now what? Does anyone know what the sassy connection is? It seems to be a private connection. He claims though it is on his computer that he doesn't ???? He is being a #1 jerk. and AAA h***o. Right now I am elsewhere and not home. Not in a hurry to go back. Is he hopeless? I have prayed for answers- tried to talk to him & he only says he is doing nothing!!!????? I don't want to live like this.
2007-06-05 03:42:15 · 11 answers · asked by nolongeractive 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I thank you for all your answers. They are all good. He says he wants to stop & will see someone about it. I pray so for the sake of all of us.
2007-06-05 19:20:39 · update #1
He is committing adultery with this stuff and you should make him aware of that. Find counseling for yourself because most likely he won't go. Porn is so destructive in marriages. A friend of mine almost lost his wife, she separated for over a year and had divorce papers served. He found God and received much counseling to kick the addiction. He's now porn free and they are the happiest couple I know. Your husband needs to know the seriousness of this and how this is damaging your spirit. You need to let him know how much damage this is doing to you and you're to the point of throwing in the towel. Don't make him feel like you'll keep tolerating this anymore.
2007-06-05 04:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by Phil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry, it does indeed sound like a dealbreaker for you, and I have been there too and completely sympathize.
Don't go home. Only an ultimatum will work, and sorry to say, even that probably won't change him.
He's a porn addict. Do visit Dr. Phil's "How porn has affected our relationship" site and you will find a message board with thousands of women in your situation.
It comes down to two choices, really. He more than likely can change some of his behavior, but probably never become porn free. If porn free is your ultimatum, then you have to leave him. Maybe one day he will grow up and realize that the porn women don't love him, don't call him, don't cook for him, don't snuggle with him at night, and just simply...don't give a rat's as s about him.
Another man choosing fantasy over reality with a person who loves him. Since the internet took off ten years ago, it's become an epidemic and thousands of women have left their husbands over their porn addictions.
Sad situation.
2007-06-05 04:08:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't satisfying you but satisfies himself on line, then you have a problem. A healthy sexual relationship is important to a healthy marriage, and if you include porn great but if he hides it, that is not great. I've talked with many people about this and for the sake of your marriage, I would recommend counseling. Try not to judge him or make him ashamed. He is depressed right now, which is common for guys, but he needs to know he can trust you and that you will always be there for him no matter what type of bad things he thinks about or has done. Most people that are depressed feel alone, show him that he is not alone. Stay strong and support his needs and if you can get him to be less depressed you might get you loving man back!
2016-05-17 07:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by librada 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All guys watch porn married or single, but your husband seems obsessed/addicted to porn. And I think he is having an on line emotional/sexual affair with maybe more than one woman. Given the opportunity he would have a physical relationship with them, but for now he is trying to satisfy himself just online, thinking that there is nothing worng with it.
Sure he does not think that there is a problem because in his eyes he is not doing anything wrong. He thinks hey I treat her like a queen, give her some mercy sex and in return I am just watching porn and screwing online, this is not physical, so it is not cheating, what is wrong with that. Your husband has to realize that he has a problem and I don't think you leaving home is going to make it happen, it might only encourage him to have a physical relationship with someone else. Maybe marriage counseling might help him or ask a close friend to talk with him. Or Divorce him and move on. Good luck.
2007-06-05 04:00:47 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to agree with Valerie. Porn is a big problem. How someone can choose porn on a computer over a real live person, that they are suppose to love is beyond me. Sure every guy looks at porn once in a while. But he sounds like he has a serious problem. You need to tell him it is time to choose. You deserve better than play second string to computer porn.
2007-06-05 03:51:31 · answer #5 · answered by elb366 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is addicted to porn. When men do this it is hard for them to have sex with a real woman because most do not fit the fantasy image of women in porn. Also the addict usually masturbates frequently and that is probably why he is not interested in sex with you! I would make an appointment with a counselor for the both of you and get him out of those porn sites. Eventually it could be a prerequisite for him to cheat....in which he is already doing it in his mind. He needs intervention to quit if the marriage is to survive. Best wishes sweetie.
2007-06-05 04:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You husband treats you like junk sexually because he's addicted to pornography. Women are not living, breathing human beings - they're objects made to please HIM. That's the fundamental danger in pornography - it makes sex all about him. So when it comes time for him to have sex with YOU he doesn't want to do any work because he's so used to being pleased without having another human on the receiving end. If he treats you properly outside of your sex life then it's worth saving. He needs counseling though. Many marriages have come out of pornography addiction and have made it. I encourage you to not give up on him but start seeing a counselor.
Good luck
2007-06-05 03:49:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep on moving...he isn't going to change. He has an addiction and the fact that he doesn't see what it's doing to the relationship, just confirms this.
2007-06-05 03:54:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion.. take the DVD players, VCR's, and computer out of your home. Get a PO Box for your mail so you can check what is coming in.
If he gets pissed he has a problem. Ask him to get help, if he don't then tell him to get lost.
it is an addiction and he will need help!
2007-06-05 03:49:50 · answer #9 · answered by veronica 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Then don't live like that. If he prefers some magazine or movie than the real mccoy then go on without him.
2007-06-05 03:49:14 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋