Hi All, I have known my wife for over 7 years and I am afraid I have developed feelings for her sister...?

Question

Recently I have grown very close to my sister-in-law. I have known my wife for 7+ years and my sister-in-law for the same amount of time by association. Over the past few years I have felt drawn to my Sister-in-Law. At first I thought this was just a crush, but it is more powerful than that. When I am with her I don't feel aroused or turned on like I might do when I see a particularly good looking woman. What I feel is an intense sense of longing. My heart breaks a little everytime we meet.
I have never been unfaihtful to my wife nor have I been tempted to. In fact I love my wife and worship her...but I think I love her sister as well. This sucks and I am beginning to get really depressed. I have a tiny suspicion that my sister-in-law might harbour feelings for me as well. She is married with kids and I am married and talking about having kids. Some days I feel like leaving the country to get away from this mess. Other mornings I want to sweep my Sis-in-law off her feet. Advice?

Answer 1

There's playing with fire where if you aren't careful you'll get burned.

And then there is playing with napalm, where no matter what you're going to incinerate everything around you.

This is playing with napalm, and there is no unlighting that match once you strike it.

Answer 2

You say you love your wife and worship her but you are allowing yourself to have thoughts about her sister? There are few people who can say they love and worship their wife after 7 years. You should appreciate this. Sounds like a case of the grass is always greener. Don't think about kids until you resolve your feelings. You can have power over your mind and decide that this is just not right and that the consequences would be horrendous. We all can feel drawn to others at times, it's only natural. It's how far we let our imaginations go that will cause problems and make us believe these feelings are "uncontrollable". I suggest taking some time away from your wife (and her sister) to get a perspective on this situation possibly by taking a trip.

Answer 3

This can be a very Challenging situation IF you let it....

Start looking at your sister-in-law as a SISTER!! Remind yourself she has a family and there is nothing wrong with caring about her and having a connection as long as it is NOT physical; that is just unacceptable.

Remind yourself of why you married your wife, your commitment and the vows that you took. Reconnect with her. Make it a PRIORITY!! Look at ways you can become closer to your wife!! Go out have fun, plan some romantic evenings with the two of you together. Look at the future you want together. Doesnt have to be Scary!! Take a step back if you need to, sometimes planning a family can be stressful.

If you are still unsure of your feelings get some counseling unless your prepared to lose your marriage and destroy another persons marriage and family. good luck.

Answer 4

Your sister in law is a family member--get past it. Do you really desire to create more than just an in-law relationship here? I'm glad I'm not your wife. Perhaps, making an effort to create an even stronger relationship with your wife would be enough to distract you from these type of fantasies. And you're overlooking that the bond between blood relatives is stronger than non-blood ones---you're going to be the loser if you pursue this.

Answer 5

I would think it is normal for a man to have such feelings. Actually almost all normal men do at one time have certain fantansis for their wife's sisters, cousins, nieces and almost all women that they are able to freely relate to. It is however, another thing to try to translate those feelings to action.

If I were you I would not try to run away from the in law or the feelings but I would agree with myself that they are just fantansies and for the sake of all the dear ones involved in both the relationships, I will not allow the feelings to get hold of me. Once you make this decision, and if possible try to avoid isolation with the in law, am sure you will get over it.

After all, you stand to gain nothing out of any encounter with her, but alot of pain.

Answer 6

You need to think about why you fell in love with your wife in the first place and decide if the love and passion is still in your mariadge.If you really cannot bear to be without the sister in law i think you should tell her how you feel and see what she has to say.There is no point for you to leave your marriadge to later realise your sister in law has no feelings for you what so ever.I also think you should talk to your wife,bond with her and hopefully you will make the choice that will make you happier.

Answer 7

I had the same situation three years ago with my wife's friend. she was so cool and beautiful, I couldn't help my self to stop thinking about her. We kissed each other many times, but with time I started to feel guilty especially when I'm married to a wonderful woman. I found that it was a temporary enjoyment and wasn't the right way that I should walk.

Answer 8

i guess u have a mental problem. you are insecure. ur love towards ur wife is ur insecurity. with ur wife is someone u want to be with the rest of ur life. someone loyal to go for when u r in need. AND THIS IS NOT LOVE.
Being loyal and Loving someone are 2 different things. I Know this because u act like my husband. you know why i am answering ur question now right?
you may love her/never cheat on her...all these r because of ur low self esteem. u r a looser.
anyway, let me not put my anger over my husband on u...my advice is -
1>leave the country and avoid any and every contact with ur SIL.
2>have children with ur wife.
trust me...children changes everything in ur life.
3>build ur self confidence. ask ur self is it love or loyality towards ur wife.

good luck dude. sorry if i was harsh. but trust me, ur situation will improve since u have 1st recognised ur own problem by posting this question,

Answer 9

You write this like you are a victim, yet your words betray you. "I have developed", "When I am with her", "My heart breaks a little everytime we meet."

You have know this is going to be a problem for a long time now, yet you persist in letting it happen. You have allowed yourself to fall for her. You have keep exposing yourself to her and making this worse and worse. YOU HAVE CHOOSEN THIS PATH. You are not a victim here. You have the mind to choose how this will end. You can either decide to stop caring for the SIL or ruin two seemingly happy families for selfish lust. You make the choice not us.

Answer 10

SLAP!!!! Get over it.... Don't have kids until you get a hold of yourself, your poor wife shouldn't be saddled with your child when you ruin her life. I have no sympathy for you because you are a grown man and know what you are contemplating is so wrong on so many levels. If you do this remember you are doing it knowing full well what you are doing...

Answer 11

Get over it. Spend more time focusing on the wife that you say you worship. Spend less time with your sister-in-law. Believe me, it will not end well if you keep it up.