This is a seemingly insignificant issue, but just wanted to see if anyone had any thoughts on it. My boyfriend and I are "taking a break." The problem is that our lives are very intertwined (we've been together 3 years and have 4 kids between us from previous marriages.) Tonight is posing an issue. We bowl on a league together. I'm debating not going tonight to keep from being around each other. Am I being childish by not going, or is that taking the high road and allowing him the space he's asked for?
2007-06-05 02:06:54 · 15 answers · asked by Mel 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To "artbutler39": you should read the question before you comment on it. I said 4 kids BETWEEN US from previous marriages. I have 2, he has 2. My tubes are none of your business.
2007-06-05 02:30:21 · update #1
To "happilymarried": I've just noticed that alot of the questions in singles and dating are asked and answered by younger people. My boyfriend and I are not "married", but it feels like we are after being together and sharing our lives for so long. I'm sorry if I took up space in your category. Forgive me.
2007-06-05 02:56:06 · update #2
He asked for space from dating so I don't see the issue with your bowling league. You joined the league and have a responsibility to your team. Your interaction with your boyfriend there is as a team member,not a date.
2007-06-05 02:12:28 · answer #1 · answered by dawnb 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You know, this is not a small issue, because that kind of dillema is going to keep popping out.
The ways to decide whether you will be a show or a no show, is to follow a few simple rules of social eddiqett, so I will start by addressing tonight's event:
You Do not attand if:
*He was on the team before you.
*He has more friends on the team then you do, as in- this was his thing before it was yours, his social contancts and himself formed the team, you joined in through your relationship with him.
*This does not involved any of your kids, and you may feel awkward if it's a couple activity.
*He may bring another woman with him, are you ready for this?
You DO attand if:
*It was your group of friends first, and he joined through you.
*You joined together, but it is not neccesarily a couple activity, and you can pair up with anyone.
*You will not feel awkward if he brings a date.
There are a few things I noticed, firlstly, you were together for three years, but it does not seem that you have any mutual kids together, so basically it will be much better for you to start un-intertwining your life from his, since it looks like taking a break was mostly his idea, (he was the one asking for space).
You must find activities that do not involve him or his set of friends, and if this break becomes permanent, cutting all ties will be difficult, but fundemental for moving on and finding someone else to share your life with.
2007-06-05 02:22:42 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is wondering if you'll show and I wouldn't let him stop you! This is something you're in as well, go and be short and mostly ignore him not to the point that it will cause more problems just be quiet and nice, answer his questions but make no comments and don't start converstaion and just keep to your self. You may find out that he doesn't show up, then the team will be short two people -if he ask's why you came tell him you started something you're going to finish and that just b/c you and he are having problems that is no reason to take it out on the team memebers and make them a part of your problems. All will be well.
2007-06-05 02:14:27 · answer #3 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He asked for space, but not complete separation. If you want to make things work, going bowling and keeping things light will show that you do want to see him and want to enjoy having a good time with him.
2007-06-05 02:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by jlonva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your doing the right thing by not going. It might also be best to quit the league altogether. This way it will give him more space and it will show him that your not clinging to him. No your not being childish. Your doing the right thing.
2007-06-05 02:27:22 · answer #5 · answered by 24Special 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if its a big discomfort i wouldnt go. unless the kids are in the league too and if its for the kids id put your feelings aside for him ( if its possible ! i dont know what kind of bad blood beteween you two is going on ) and then the kids can do their normal bowling. but if the kids are not invovled i just wouldnt go. or if its still too uncomfortable dont think you HAVE to for the kids. just try if possible. good luck
2007-06-05 02:58:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you not go? You part of the league as well....
So lets get this straight, he wants the break but you the one you has to do the sacrifices? Like not going to the league.
No, you go and make sure you have fun!
If he has a problem with it, he can leave.
Dont go change your life now.....
2007-06-05 02:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by BadGirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys are on a league, so I'm sure he would expect to see you there and even have some conversation. You will probably run into him again so just get used to it. Just go and act like nothing happened.
2007-06-05 03:33:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go but keep your focus on bowling not your problems. If he wants his space then he can stay home.
2007-06-05 02:13:20 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go bowling. You still have your life to live right? and if that's bowling then go and have fun.
could be good, for you to catch up on a fun night out. just try not to get any issues into it.
2007-06-05 02:10:31 · answer #10 · answered by jezza 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋