What should I do?

Question

My ex-husband just left me a messager saying that our 15 year old daughter is in a lot of pain and not doing well in school. I gave him sole physical and legal custody during the divorce.

He moved due to job reasons and left her in his mother's care. He spent about 1 week with her after Memorial Day and said she is having a hard time in life. I live in another state.

He wants me to come with both of them and move to new state where he is living. He is stating that she needs both parents. He does not want to send her to me. I am open to that.

I am confused again and don't know what to do. I really feel for my child and want to help her. I can look into moving where he is, but living separately. He always convinces me to come back to him though when I have tried that in the past.

Answer 1

I think you need to offer to your ex and your daughter for her to come stay with you. I don't think there's any reason to move right now. Since your daughter would be moving anyway, it wouldn't be too disruptive in her life.

It sounds a little bit like a ploy to get you and he back together. I'm sure he's not making it up about your daughter, but it seems he can't figure out a way to handle it without manipulating you. If you daughter is already troubled, confusing the relationship with her parents won't help.

Talk to your ex and make a temporary plan for her to spend some time with you. Then, after he is settled, you guys can reevaluate how she's doing and what should happen next.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Without knowing the cause of your divorce and the former problems, it's hard to give advice about you moving back in with your ex....my personal opinion from experience (and I have told several of my friends this time after time) there is a REASON why someone is their ex. If it didn't work the first time, chances/odds are it's never going to work. Stand your ground concerning him..
Your daughter should be your main focus.....she doesn't have either parent right now. She is 15 and a teen-ager. She probably won't always agree with you but you being there is very, very important during this time of her life. She is going through a lot of emotional and physical changes right now....family changes AND puberty changes. Your idea to move to be closer to her and there for her but living separately from your ex sounds like the best solution if you have no ties to where you are living now. Good luck!

Answer 3

I feel your pain. I gave my ex custody of my 3 girls because he told me I would never win because his family has money. I tried the same as you are, and kept going back with him for my girls benefit. I thought we were going to work things out, I spent alot of my own money on visiting them and driving and motels because I didn't want to stay in his house and falsely encourage my kids to think that everything would work out. I lived 6 hours from where he moved because of his job. Sorry to tell you that I called one night and asked "where is Daddy "? and was told he was downstairs with his new Girlfriend on the computer. I recieved divorce papers shortly thereafter in the mail. You sound just as confused as I was. I got nothing in the divorce, didn't even know I was divorced until one of my daughters informed me. If I were you I would consult a good divorce attorney to protect your interests and your child and what you have devoted your life to . I have learned in my almost 49 years that men will take advantage of you if give them the opportunity. Fight for your life and your childs life... Good Luck

Answer 4

This is not about him. It's about your baby. If you want her to be a success in life you should be there for her. She needs you as an example. There is no better example for a young girl than a strong Mother. And she needs her Father to show her how a man should treat a woman. Just be sure to always let her know how special she is to you and your husband, because the young girls nowadays are headed downhill with all of the negative images that they admire so much.

Answer 5

Don't rush into matters. That's the worst factor you'll be able to do, considering that as quickly as you rush into anything, headfirst, with out considering matters by way of, that's whilst you are going to run into problems and regrets. And you don't wish that. The excellent factor you'll be able to do on this hindrance is to suppose matters by way of. Think approximately each women, and the way they make you believe. Having your excellent pal as a female friend can also be excellent, considering that she already is aware of you, and you'll be able to proportion such a lot together with her. But if anything have been to ever occur, then you definitely danger throwing your friendship out the window. This does not continually occur, but when we are being sincere, it is difficult to stick peers after a breakup. But however, it might be a excellent dating, as good. I was once skeptical whilst I began courting my excellent pal. Two years later, we are engaged. I'm no longer seeking to be poor and say that it would possibly not paintings- I'm simply pronouncing that you simply need to suppose of what might occur down the avenue. Think approximately the woman who signed your forged- how does she make you believe in comparison to how your excellent pal makes you believe? Does she make you smile as a lot, chortle as a lot, get butterflies? Does she brighten your day whilst she sends you a textual content or with ease smiles at you within the corridor? Take into cautious attention how every lady makes you believe. Then move from there. The excellent factor you'll be able to do is be real for your middle. Listen to what your middle is telling you, and that's the path you ought to move in. Sure, it sounds corny pronouncing that, however there is certainly not been extra fact in a declaration. I recognize you can make the correct option for you, and I want you and whichever fortunate lady you pick the entire happiness on this planet. Enjoy and treasure her. :) Cheers

Answer 6

don't move, think about the implications. it seems manipulative that your x, is demanding so much from you. something is not right here. you can still be a parent without physically living with your x, and seems to me you are done with him, why go through the pain again. your are divorced he has soul custody. how long have you been divorced? what can't he move back? he is the one who moved. and what exactly is wrong with your daughter, have you spoken to her?

Answer 7

He's right, your daughter needs both of you. I understand your hesitation, you're afraid that you'll end of going back to him; so, you must be the stronger person. You do owe your daughter something, because you chose to give birth to her; you need to help her to grow up, and learn to make good choices. Set a positive example for her by moving closer to her, and being involved in her life without being emotionally, and physically involved with her father. You can do it! Just stay strong, and independent!

Answer 8

Don't make this about him. If you're not sure that he is being truthful as far as your daughter goes, take a visit and go check things out for yourself.

At this age, your daughter probably does need you more than ever.

I say, make the move and be closer to her.

Answer 9

Are you on reasonable terms with your ex's mother? Maybe it would be a good idea to go and see your daughter and talk to her and her grandmother, as well as your ex. Maybe fifteen is old enough to want to and be able to have a say about where she lives. Maybe thinking about moving might be a good idea, but I suggest go and check it out and work out what is going to be best for your daughter together, don't just take his word for it. He might be right, but it is a pretty big thing to up and move you and your daughter without checking it out for yourself. Good luck. Hope it works out well for you all.

Answer 10

Are you surprised that your daughter is having a "hard time" in life? You gave up custody and your husband dumped her with someone else. She is a throw-away child and she knows it.

Stop putting your concerns about yourself, your ex, and your relationship with him first. Take care of your child. Do whatever you have to do to take care of your responsibilities. She does need both parents in her life.