just divorced and i need advice would like to start dating again but it has been so long since i last did it?

Question

was married for 20yrs with 2 sons thought it was a happy marriage until i found out he had been lying and cheating for the last 6 months with a slapper who had had god knows how many affairs with married men my ex was fully aware of her reputation but it never stopped him when i found out i put in for a divorce on the grounds of his adultry named her as well they bith signed the papers which made it go through a lot quicker he went to live with her it only lasted a few months he now has no home his kids wont have anything to do with him he is sleeping on his mothers settee and he is miserable me i am so pleased as it couldn't have happened to a better person now i'm divorced i am happy with my life and wished i had realised sooner what a no good for nothing he was i would like to meet someone to share my life with as now i feel is the right time to do it any advice please as to how i go about meeting a new man it has been such a long time since i did the dating thing

Answer 1

well done you...some women take their husbands back at the drop of a hat only to be cheated on over and over again...good for you for divorcing him...go out and have a great time lady...your free now...you have been married for 20 years so i guess that your kids are old enough now to go their own way or they are young adults now...so use this opportunity to get out there and have the time of your life...i did what you did... back in the 80's i also caught my ex in bed with my babysitter and i did not hesitate to get them papers slammed in his face....he didn't want a divorce but i gave it to him anyway....let him be miserable on his mums couch...he got what he deserved hun....just contact your mates...arrange a girls night out...go clubbing and maybe you'll get lucky and meet someone who yo can trust, i don't know where you live but if you were in Liverpool then you could come out with me and my mates...we always have a great time...i wish more women were as strong as you....i recently split up with my partner after 11 years and it's the best thing i did....i have been lapping it up ever since and i have not looked back.....go girl...you deserve it...

Answer 2

First, get over the revenge feeling, it'll keep a chip on your shoulder and though some guys may like it, the negative assertiveness will turn others off.

That said, congrats on handling your divorce, and sorry about the damage that he caused you and your children.

Any way as far as dating. There is no true formula. Some will say internet dating, speed dating, personally, I hate the dating scene: its usually a display of what people feel they are, not what they perceive to be to others. As you have learned, its not a matter of first meet, first impressions. Assuming age is 34-50, you already have an idea of what you want to meet, better than anyone in here can give you for advice. There are plenty of different ways to meet people, the best way is just mere chance but some don't like to wait on fate. And the ones that do jump at the first smiling face in their direction end up with what you unfortunately had to endure. 34-50 is, in my opinion, difficult to find a date, let alone meet someone of quality. As you know, Men in their 40's can be just as desperate as women are when they are not in an established solid relationship, so the good ones all seem to be taken. The good news is, the ones they meet can be just as bad and become available as well...

Any way, I'd say do a crap shoot. Try anything to start, newspaper personals, even speed dating! STAY OUT OF THE BARS! I know people will have a problem with this. But I have found too many that have only met the one night stand disappointment. Get out there and just see what people are like, after 20 years, the way people have dated have changed, and even though you haven't been living in a cage, its not just like riding a bike, you do have to relearn. Overall, be yourself and enjoy yourself! The true you exposed is better than putting on a front just for impression points. Granted you may be a little leery due to your experience, but if you put on a front, you telling the date that is who you are. You don't want to be deceived and neither do they. Good Luck!

My last thoughts for advice is this: Expect a lot of deception. But at the same time, don't look for it. If its there, you will see it after a number of dates.

The funniest part I think that you will find is that the qualities you will be seeking will all be in parts of different dates. With their positives and negatives:

Examples:
- Strong worker, handsome, conceded.
- Fat, Funny, Social
- Intelligent, Well Off, inattentive
- Skinny, philosophical, insecure, hermit
- Bodybuilder, confident, quick to anger, physical
- Computer geek, high paying job, lives with mother.
- Star quality looks, cooperative demeanor, widower, depressed, 4 protective kids
- Crowd pleaser, highly entertaining, drug abuser/dealer
- Nice guy, great attention to you, hates kids
- Giving personality, eager to please, 'disabled'

In every trait, that you find a plus, you will also see eventually a negative. It's a matter of if you accept the negative as a minor trait or a major obstacle.

Good Luck! And again, my apologies.

Answer 3

Well done Mary Lou! I divorced too after 20 years of marriage and it was stressful but the best thing i could have done. There are lots of men out there who want to share life with a wonderful woman. I would advise online dating- you can get to know each very well online, and progress to meeting up for dates. There are a lot of people you have to be careful of but the same applies if you bumped into someone in the pub. Its not as daunting as it sounds and can be fun. Also you could enrol on an evening class or further education course and this would open some more opportunities for you to find a like minded man to show what you have been missing out on all these years. Best of Luck
Libs

Answer 4

haha...justice is once again served when a jerk thinks like a caveman.
Just remember when you start dating again that there are a lot of super smooth liars out there...afterall, most of the good ones are taken, that's no lie.
Go out and have fun, but don't put blinders on. It's going to be tough not to see through rose colored glasses when somebody new starts paying attention to you, so don't ignore red flags!
You could try eharmony or some other internet hookup that has personality compatibility tests, or you can join a book club or some other interest you have where you will meet someone who also has that interest.
Just like when you were single before, you are again going to have to kiss a lot of frogs...
good luck and have fun!

Answer 5

I was married 10 years have 2 fantastic kids and i left my ex before i drove my car into a tree.

As for meeting people the key word here is sociaslising
look at nearby schools or colleges for an adult learning course or fun activity
there are many different methods of meeting people from your situation
personally i found love again after meeting a woman on a dating website we've been together for nearly 2 years now.
think what scares you less
internet dating(although apparently you girls get hounded by imagrants asking you to marry them)
friend of a friend
speed dating
singles holidays or events
courses
Sailing etc
Try getting your CBT bike licence for instance
I teach CBT and have made lots of contacts from that
a lot of people are starting to do this as a day to do something new
(the comradery bikers have is amazing we're all really nice people actually)
pubs/clubs but not if your looking for a nice guy
even some shops like tesco have a singles night

whatever scares you less and makes you feel like your in control and secure and confident of who you are will be best to let your own personality shine

just remember the one you date MAY very well be more nervous than you, even though they dont show it

socialising - the meeting of people ... its key

i had a female friend who moaned about never meeting a nice guy in our local
pretty much everyone said the same thing ... well your not going to meet anyone new if you go to the same place.

you have to spread your wings and get out, you never know when you will acidentaly bump into Mr Right, but it aint gonna happen in your kitchen is it?

good luck
you sound nice
some bloke just like me is wishing he could meet someone just like you ... just let him know your out there

Answer 6

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Answer 7

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Answer 8

If you go out actively looking for someone, chances are you won't find him. Not the right one anyway.

I'd say, just get involved with things you enjoy. Join a group, get a hobby, visit places of interest to you... When you are happy and doing something you enjoy, you're in the right place to be giving off the right energy to attract someone.

You say you're happy with your life.. so you're already set up to meet someone wonderful. Just don't settle for someone until you know for sure that he's worth it. If you're a confident person, you won't have to sift thru too many.. hehe

Also.. ALWAYS trust your gut instinct about people.

Answer 9

I still sense a lot of anger and resentment in what you wrote above and that tells me you are not quite ready to start another relationship yet. Take your time and make sure that you are emotionally ready for the next step of dating. One of the biggest mistakes someone that is recently divorced makes is seeking out attention and affection from someone. They rarely see how vulnerable they are and frequently end up in a relationship with someone that preys on the needs of people to feel wanted. They often get used, abused and dumped, so use caution.

If you honestly think you are ready and have completely let go of your ex, then don't go looking for it. Just work on yourself, make sure you are making yourself look nice, feel nice and are happy. If you appear needy, lost, hopeless or desperate, you will only attract the wrong type of guy. Then expand your activities that will get you out in public and they will come to you, you will not need to seek them out.

Answer 10

Life has a way of coming at you when your down! Just live your life and love will find its way into your everyday. I have found that when you stop looking for love it smack's you right in the face. Had you been looking for it chances are you wouldn't have noticed the person in the first place. Take this time in your life to build yourself up as a stronger person so that when you do find Mr. Right you can share your self with him fully.