I was molested... please help.?

Question

I was molested by my brother in law... and when it got to the point i couldn't hold it inside me because he kept threathening me to not tell my sister. And when I did tell her he said he wanted to kill me. I was scared... After 2 days of that matter. I didn't understand... my sister hates me. I moved out from my sister's place and got a place quick with someone i barely knew.... I felt so dirty... and was touched by a perv so i went crazy and lost my common sense and slept with someone else for the first time to make me feel better. And it didn't. Later i realize... i lost my virginity to someone who i didn't know to long and that was very foolish of me. Getting molested is something I will never forget and forgive. I don't understand I told my sister the truth and now she hates me. I miss her. and it just hurts. She told i shouldn't have never told her..... I'm so lost. He did it twice to me.... and I thought he would never do it again... I know after that he would try again...

The worst thing is i looked up to him like a big brother... and when that happen I have a hard time trusting anyone.

This happend to me in my past when i just turned 18... but i was very timid and shy... but attractive. Sigh. I don't want to say it but... I was also molested by my father when i was really young. So when this happen I pretty much lost my state of mind. I really don't know what to say..... I cannot report this because first i don't have evidence... for court. 2nd i didn't report this once it happen because i was scared and 3rd.... i didn't want to cause a big mess and make war. I was scared for someone to get hurt. I'm so use to getting hurt... but i remember he told me if i ever told her. He said to me it would be the last i would see her. Now... it has been 6+ months and I havn't seen her since. Another thing she has a kid with this man. I know my sister is strong. I know she is still alive because she talked my bro. What makes it worst she told my bro I was bad.

It's my first time using this yahoo answers... and i'm surprise by how much answers i got. I really am glad to read most of your answers... Thank you. it's really late here and it's all what i'm thinking about atm. I wanted to let this pain out... At this present moment of this new year... People see me as happy worry free person. You would never guessed something like this happened to me. But I try to think positive because there is more to life... i know. Sometimes it gets to you and it's time like this when i feel like this because i miss my sister. And i want to talk to her... to tell her i truly miss her and I wish we could've helped through this pain together. But I had to let it go once she told me to forget i ever had a sister.

Answer 1

Your sister is mad at you because your telling her makes her face the fact that she might have to make a decision about her husband that she doesn't want to make. She has to decide whether she wants to kick her cheating, molesting husband out and be financially worse off or make it all her sister's fault and be morally bankrupt. In other words, she just really didn't want to be bothered with this mess.
You can report him to the cops if you want to because what he did is a crime but that would mean that your sister might really hate you.
No matter what you decide to do you can't just let the memory of this abuse just fester inside you. You need to talk to someone who can help you work through this situation, come to terms with it, help you to avoid further psychological problems in the future, and also help you determine what you should do about your brother in law. Get some kind of counseling and the sooner the better.
You didn't say how old you were but if you are under 18 that makes him a child abuser. In that case you have to start thinking about the fact that he might possibly do this to some other kid.

Answer 2

I know the feeling. I was molested when I was 10, almost 11. My family turned on me and stood by him.....still the same today. It is a taboo topic as then I am considered no good. So Family do not always come around later on. Sometimes people cannot believe the truth or deal with it. So they stick their heads in the sand and prefer to blame the one it happened to. You can only tell them the truth and if possible find someone that cares. Families have a way of making you look like you are lying even to the police. It is hard to prove, unless others come foreward as well. I hope you can one day put it behind you and not let it ruin your future. This guy has a problem, and you have let your sister know, so hopefully she will wake up and see the truth, and do the right thing.Mine was a family member and never did hear the words I am Sorry, do not believe I ever will. People that do this to others, do not know how much they hurt that other person, and most likely do not care. So closure is hard to find. Face it earlier though, than later, so you will not become bitter or see men in the wrong light. There are alot of good men out there, and you can move forward, even if your family never come around to seeing the light. I wish you the best and hope you find someone that does believe you. I hope your sister at least watches him to see if this happens with others, and if so, reports him. It is most likely he is sick, and needs help. You could talk with Social Services or Victims Aid.

Answer 3

Go to the police and press charges. Your sister has lost her damn mind! Maybe in time she will come to her senses. You didn't do anything wrong. This guy might have a record. Seems you are stronger than your sister. Don't let her denial interfere w/ what you have to do. Get some professional help cuz this is going to take it and you need that support. Good luck.

Doesn't matter if you don't have evidence. Not to say evidence isn't important, cuz it is. Find out your options for sure from the police and whoever they may refer you to. For all you know, this guy may have raped several other girls in the past or molested youngsters and have a record. For all you know he's on probation. How do you know he won't admit it? Maybe the cops can help you find a way to get evidence or something. Get therapeutic help! I can't stress that point enough. Its good to be positive like you say, but to suppress feelings like this only fu*k you up.

Answer 4

Your sister is going through a state of denial and hurt right now. Give her some time and space and she'll come back around. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Just remember, no one is going to make you feel better. This is going to have to work within side of you. This is not your fault. You did the right thing by telling her and although it might not seem so now. I promise you, you did. Your sister loves you and misses you too. You seem like a very strong person. Stay strong and remember you did the right thing. She'll come around. She'll see him for who he really is. It's only a matter of time. You don't ever have to forget but forgiving is part of healing. I know your not ready yet cause your still mad but in time remember it's important to heal you. I'm sorry to hear this happened.

Answer 5

LVCOKE,First thing is I want to offer you a shoulder to cry on and my deepest condolences for the pain you've suffered at the hands of this pervert!!! And also the temporary loss of your sister's family bond(mind you it will be temporary till after ya put away the pervert for molestastion) Do you have ,by any chance ,times,dates , locations where the attacks / molestations took place? I know it is painful to recollect but be strong and try, as this is needed for a conviction An on or about day,location,and time will work . Write down what was said by him to you and what happened step by step. If any others might have seen or heard what was going on too would be helpful in his conviction. I know you have tried to shove this out of your memory but now you have to be strong and recall everything that went on,OK? Also what , where, and when you told your sister and her words that were spoken ,even in anger about what happened and then what happened next with you leaving (You might be able to leave out the part about sleeping with someone ya hardly knew or it might be pertinant to the Prosecutors case against him) Either way I am assuming you were an under age child when this happened and you need to see ,first the police and then the District Attorney.Please,DO NOT BE AFRAID !!! You were the one who was violated against your will and this perv needs locked up to prevent him from doing this to someone else Ask for protective custody from both him and your sister,even if it means you being locked up in jail(this way,he can't get near you until his prelimary trial where his bail is set and restraining orders are issued. Just remember to keep a "cool" head on your shoulders and write down all ya can remember like I said. If I can help ya in any way I am who I am @yahoo.com. Its PERVERTS LIKE HIM THAT GIVE US GOOD GUYS A BAD NAME!!!! And sister's like yours that gives us siblings a bad way to go till the proof hits them between the eyes like a baseball bat

Answer 6

Men may also be molested. However, such a lot guys don't seem to be going to ***** while a feminine masseuse rubs him in an erotic means. Hell that is why such a lot guys get a therapeutic massage. Also ordinarily such a lot guys are powerful adequate to give up the typical girl from doing something they do not like. The girl wasn't charged considering the fact that he did not press expenditures, he could be the giggling inventory of town above all if the feminine used to be beautiful.

Answer 7

you told your sister the truth that a great start. it's now out in the open. it will be very hard for your sister to accept because this is the man she loves. you should go to the police as well when your ready it's better to do it sooner than later tho. and yes your sister still loves you she just can't understand how the man she loves would do that to her or her sister. you must always remember how hard it is for you and that your sister is also finding it hard in diffrent ways. you should go and see someone that you can talk to you need some kind of support Thur this and i wish you all the best

Answer 8

your sister is blinded by love,she should have kicked him out and you and her could have been roomates. how long ago was this, you could press charges on him. I feel really bad that you went out and lost your virginity to someone you didn't know for too long,but I can understand how that happend, you have hurt inside of you,and you thought it would take away all the hurt. sex is like drinking or drugs,it's only a fix. unless your in a loving marriage relationship then sex is a act of love towards each other. if I were you, I would seek counseling, and spend sometime by yourself reading,and tallking to God,first ask him to forgive you using sex to cover your hurt. then ask God to deal with your brother in law, he's got to be stopped,otherwise he'll do this again to someone else,possible someone in your family. and pray that God opens your sisters eyes to see what a sick man this guy is. if you would to talk with me,my e-mail address is [e-mail]

Answer 9

Why ON earth haven't you reported him. Where are your parents and why do they think this is acceptable behaviour cause its not. Go to the police before he hurts other girls stuff your dumb sister, she just can't get over herself to help you. Don't hesitate, do the right thing and in answer to your other question take your cousin with you to report the other one as well. You both need help and it doesn't go away just because you want it too You have to work on it with a counselor

Answer 10

For starters, you need to get counseling for yourself talking to someone will help you more than you realize. I am sorry that this happened to you. Your sister is in complete denial about the man she married. You need to press charges against this husband of hers. What if she has children w/him he may molest them. Report him to the athorities and press charges against him. Believe me you would be doing the right thing. Dam what your sister thinks.