Jealous Of His Child?

Question

This is rather weird and don't start giving me the. 'well he's blood and you're not' speech.

Basically I am denied access to his child, (my fiances,) on the basis that the mother doesn't want me to see him. Nothing else, I'm not a threat or anything. She just has some irrational grudge against me. Now, he has the child on Saturday to Sunday every other week. And he has him this weekend. And I'm feeling really jealous and upset actually, Don't ask me why cause I don't know!! I've met the child and did nothing but spoil him and treated him like my own in a way. I feel kinda jealous cause the child gets to stay overnight so any plans I made for the weekend with my fiance go out of the window and he wont talk or text me and I'm not allowed to see him for the two days. So why do i feel like this? I mean I know and understand children come first and he loves his child etc etc, I love the child to an extent. But why do I feel so left out and jealous of a 7 year old????

When I said talk or text I ment while he has the child. I'm under instruction to stay away from the house, to not text, ring or make any contact while the child is there incase the child comes into contact with me. Even when the child is in bed.

hes been to court after contact was stopped due to me moving in. Now I've moved out the contact agreement has been revised. He gets contact as long as the child doesn't come into contact with me. Although it can see other women, such as his friends or ex partners etc.

know neffer but if i talk to him he just says well deal with it. hes scared of losing total contact. I dont want to end up hating the shild, but like if they go off on holiday and I have to stay behind, or they go camping with one of his friends or something. It's just going to make me so mad, like why can't I be around when this child's growing up? What did I do?

yes we have discussed this. if the order doen't change I have to leave the house once we're married every other weekend for a night while the kid is over. or we just dont get married till the kid is 18.

Oh yeah and living wise. I was living there with my fiance and his nan. Then I got kicked out when access was denied in a hope theyd get it back. I'm on my own now in a flat. The child sleeps in the same room as him now. Where I should be. grrrrrr.

Answer 1

key words you said in your question:

"I treated him like my own in a way"

NOTHING and I mean NOTHING pisses off a mother more than hearing from the child that the girlfriend/fiancee of dad is doing things that are "motherly"...it's like a bear defending it's cub...and if there was a court order to keep you away, then she was able to prove you were causing issues - I'm assuming with the help of a psychologist the child was seeing. ADDED: You are being shut out due to a "morality clause" in custody agreements. The mother feels, and the judge agrees, that living together when not married is teaching the child bad morals. sad in this day and age it is still a factor, but nothing you can do about it. Get married, and there is nothing she can do or say about you being in the child's life.

It's not jealousy you are feeling, it's hurt...you became accustomed to a life and were looking to proceed towards the future and all of a sudden a brick wall was built. One that seems like it is impossible to break down, or at least get a window or a door built. You have to find things to do when he is busy with his child to keep your mind off of it.

Have the tow of oyu even discussed what you are going to do to overcome the obstacle to be able to have a future? If not, you need to,that will help to ease your hurt if there is a plan in place...if he can't, or is unwilling to try to figure out something, you MAY have to reevaluate your future with him.

Answer 2

I guess the big question here is when are you two getting married and does this change if you do? If it doesn't change then you have alot more to think about.

I know you love your fiancee, but you really have to decide if you can handle this and if this is how you want your life to be for the next who knows how many years. If you don't think you can take it then move on. There is nothing wrong with that, that is what dating, etc is all about.

I don't think you should be feeling jealous of the child. The child did not cause this, his ex did. So try not to direct these feelings of jealousy and hurt towards his child. Direct them where they need to go, towards mom.

Just try to stay calm and find out what happens when you get married. Will you have to leave your home every weekend or will this all change.

Good luck to you hon!

Answer 3

I think you have some misplaced emotions. The 7 year old has done nothing wrong. Your fiance on the other hand has given control of your relationship to his ex. If you are to marry this man, does that mean you have to go stay someplace else when his child comes to visit? The mother has some control issues, and it sounds like they have some things to work out between them. I would be upset with my fiance if I was you. If you were just someone he was casually seeing I could understand the mothers feelings, but you are in a serious committed relationship. Focus on the actual issue. If you continue to place blame with the child you'll end up resenting him in the long run, and it sounds like he doesn't need any more dysfunctional adults in his life.

Answer 4

Apparently your fiances ex still wants to run his life. How in the world did his lawyer let her get away with dictating whether you are or are not to have contact with the child. I can kinda sort see that she would not want her child to stay over night in the house while you were living there and not married, but she cannot dictate with whom he (the fiance) associates with when he has the child. That is ridiculous. What is she going to do next, say you cannot get married or he won't see the child.

However your question was why do you feel jealous. Of course you are jealous, you are left out of a big part of your fiance's life. I don't blame you.

Answer 5

What a load of rubbish. The mother off the child can not legally make this happen. if the child is not in danger and your not having sex in front of it then legally the court can not make this a rule your his fiancee for gods sake.What happens if you marry?Do you have to go to a motel every time? Your fiancee is up to no good the kids mother is probably there as well that's why you cant ring or visit. Its the only thing that makes sense and if not the man is a wimp for letting his ex get away with this. I say if it doesn't change then get a new man a real one this time. I see only misery with this one. Just watch and I bet you catch him out.

Answer 6

ok well your fiances ex girl friend is a ***** to start off with and the fact athat you treat him nicely and she doesn't like that shouldn't bother you what should is the fact that you can't talk to your soon to be husband with the kid there the kid is going to be a problem tell he turnjs 18 not say that the kid is persay but your issuse with his ex-wife are theres really no point in being jealous because he loves you both just on different levels and i'm sure he wants you both in his life so until he can figer out a way to do that you need to tell him about your problem with the fact that you can see your soon to be step child

Answer 7

So the kids mom is running your and your fiance's life? He should go to court and get ordered visitation so he can take the child around whoever he wants. It sounds suspicious.