Nephew caught playing with himself, help?

Question

I was shocked to hear that my nephew was caught playing with himself at just 10 years old. His mom says that he started out wanting baths alone(no one in the room), and then taking longer baths, so she peaked in and he was playing with himself like a grown man would(not a first time deal). He was getting full erections at age 8, doctors had no medical reason for it. We were all concerned but now, we are really worried since he has a younger sister, he was never told about sex or even anything like it, so how does he know how to "play", how can a child get hard at 8 and most of all how can his mom explain sex to him at age 10? I thought she needed to since he is already...you know. Should she explain this to him or wait?

Answer 1

A lot of people start to masturbate at that age, and even newborn babies can get erections. The whole "doctor had no medical reason for it" is BS. Either the doctor is a fraud, or that little detail is. She should talk to him and let him know what the boundries are sexually. Really, your nephew is probably just maturing, and I think you need to do the same.

Answer 2

first of all boys get erections from the time they are born. My four year old son will often wake up with one, or get one in the bath. He doesn't play with it as such, but it's a natural occurence. So full erections at age 8 are perfectly normal. At the age of 10, your nephew is very aware of what feels good.. and touching himself feels good. It's not evil or wrong, but he does need to be made aware that this is best done in private (which he seems to do anyway) and some sex education would be advised. At the age of 10, school curriculum covers sex ed to some degree so he shouldn't be completely in the dark. Don't be worried about his sister, either.
I would approach the school and ask what has been covered in class as far as sex education is concerned, so you know the extend of his actual knowledge (correct knowledge that is, not from friends or books). Simply explain that his body is going to start changing soon (facial and body hair, for example) as he starts puperty, books can be helpful here. ALways let him know that our body is private and no one but himself is allowed to look at or touch it until he is grown up. Let him know that if he has ANY issues or questions he can always approach mum or dad and that there is nothing to be ashamed about, as we've all been through it. He is a perfectly normal child, exploring and discovering his body. Stop stressing! :-)

Answer 3

A lot of people start masturbating long before 10.

It's awful that the first thing you would think is "he has a little sister" unless she is exhibiting signs of being molested then you should be ashamed of yourself. Sure we can't be too careful in this world but for goodness sakes.

My husband said that he got his first erection around 7 or 8 and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that rubbing it feels good.

And what 10 year old doesn't want to take a bath alone. And what kind of perverted mother peeks in to see what he's doing?

And I thought my mom going in to use the bathroom while my sister was getting out of the shower was weird.

Edited to add: I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this post, but it blows my mind that people are still so backwards in the year 2007. I don't think she should have a sex talk with him. He's touching himself, he's not out having sex, and the bathtub is a perfectly acceptable place for him to be doing it. It's better than him sitting in the living room watching TV with his hand down his pants.

If she wants to talk to him about sex then maybe she should look at amazon.com and find a book for preteens about your body and feelings and stuff. I think he's still too young for a full blown sex talk.

Answer 4

I don't know what is so shocking about this - didn't you know that two year old boys like touching themselves too - it feels good, get over it!! It's a normal part of growing up, and there is no way he should be made to feel ashamed or that it is wrong. For heaven's sake, get out of the bloody dark ages! Of course he should have the sex talk - he's about to go through puberty!! And of course he should be allowed to have baths alone - how ridiculous. Tiny male babies get erections too, you know. I think you need to have a sex education talk yourself.

Answer 5

Um yeah, he should know so he isn't afraid or feeling weird or something. Girls are maturing faster these days, so it doesn't surprise me that boys are, too.

I don't think anyone needs to be shown what to do with their parts, something animal takes over and they just want to rub- it isn't rocket science to know what kind of rubbing feels best.

I think it's sad that this boy might not know what's going on and that he's gone all his life and might not even realize where he came from.

Animals do it, it's all over television, I am sure he knows more than you think. You're probably too late. Being a prude teaches kids that they can talk to anyone BUT you. talk talk talk about it, as often as the subject comes up. Don't be afraid, it's just a human body function. Do you talk about farts? Do you talk about belly aches, sneezing, headaches, splinters, ingrown toenails, dry skin? constantly not talking about sex when it is EVERYWHERE sends the wrong message. Maybe it's not too late.

Answer 6

Whoa, whoa...calm down! There's nothing strange or dangerous going on here that you've told us about.

Boys of all ages get erections—any doctor should know that. Sonograms have shown that even unborn males can get them! All pre-pubescent boys are going to have erections, some more than others. By ten, it's even possible for hormones to start making them pretty common.

As for how he knows how to do it...it's not rocket science! You've masturbated, you know how it works. A little touching feels good. So he does it again, more on purpose. And again and again. It's human instinct to seek things that feel good.

As to worrying about his little sister...wow! He hasn't shown any sign of being the kind of boy who would harm someone. He isn't a sex fiend, he's a little boy who has figured out something that feels nice. That doesn't make him a pervert or a danger to society; that makes him human.

Many 10 year old boys masturbate. All healthy 8 year old boys get erections. He sounds like a normal enough kid. He figured out part of the secret to private parts and was trying to get some private time to have some fun with that. That isn't deviant or delinquent behavior.

As to talking to him, that's a fine idea. Ten is old enough for most kids to understand quite a bit about sex. (And a lot else—kids that age are at a point where they can grasp, though not understand with depth, most complex ideas.) He can be told about a lot of things and probably get a lot out of it: that boys have penises and girls have vaginas; that as they grow up their bodies change: everyone grows hair, boy's penises and testicles grow and begin producing sperm, which is the man's part of producing a baby, that girls' breasts get bigger and their bodies start ovulating, the woman's part in making a baby, that when a man orgasms while having sex he ejaculates semen containing sperm into the woman, that babies grow inside a uterus and then come out of the vagina. Tell him that everyone touches themselves to make themselves feel good, that it is not bad but it is private. Tell him whatever parts he wants to hear.

Ten is too young to see or experience sex, but it's not too young to start to understand his own body or the world he lives in. He sounds like a normal kid to me, one who is starting to clue into a fun part of himself which he won't be able to fully understand until he's older.

Answer 7

What he's doing is normal. Some kids just figure it out for themselves. He just needs to know when it's appropriate and when it's not. His mom needs to have "THE TALK" with him ASAP!!

She should start by explaining any changes that puberty brings on, and touch on her values about sex - like casual sex is a no-no, etc. and explain about diseases and stuff, and how you can't tell if someone has a disease by looking at them, etc. Make sure he knows he can ask her anything - or if he's weirded out by asking her, he can come to you - (some kids feel weird about asking their parents but will talk to another adult) without consequence, and get the "real deal". (And if he comes to you and asks you not to tell his mom - you can't tell her!) This would also be a good time to mention about smoking, drugs, and drinking too.

Working in pediatrics, I've found that the kids who can talk to their parents (or another trusted adult) about anything like this tend not to do stupid stuff as much. They do stupid stuff, but not as stupid as kids who have no open lines of communication.

Answer 8

Just explain to the kid some of the dos and donts like you would a 15yo. As long as he understands whats actually going on,(dont lie to him) then hes ahead of the curve. Remember that sexuality is part of a persons social development. Keeping it under control and making sure that the kid knows what is appropriate and whats not is the important thing.

FYI a male that he looks up to explaining this to him would be best.

Answer 9

Jesus, lady, cool down. Boys can masturbate from birth. It's no big deal. Stop obsessing over it. Why in the world were you spying on him in the bath anyway? Are you a pervert?

It's flat-out absolutely none of your business. Get a life and leave your nephew and his family the heck alone, for God's sakes.

Answer 10

As a mother of three boys, if the boys want privacy such as in the bathroom. For Pete's sakes I am giving him his privacy!
What a horrible thought to walk in on one of my boys, YUK!
Poor kid even had to go to the doctors.....Does this now mean your nephew is a sex addict or a child melastor (though he is a child himself) NO.
This just means he is growing up, maybe a little sooner then others but still he is a boy. If you make a big deal out of it, then it will be a big deal.......