master manipulater kid?

Question

Can someone please give me some good advice on how to deal with a master manipulative child. My friends daughter thows these huge temper tantrums when she doesnt get her way and she is getting to the point that she is making life hell for her single mother. She screams and cries and yells awful things such as "I hate you"at her mom and she is only 4. She is at the end of her rope and I have talked to her, but I am unexperienced with defiant children. Mine are well behaved so I can only offer so much advice to her. If anyone has dealt with this and overcome it, please let me know what worked for you.

I am not trying to discipline her kid I am trying to offer suggestions to her. And she may not be a "master manipulater" my bad for stating it this way, but she does manipulate and she is one of the worst children I have ever met. I love her dearly and she is good most of the time when she is with me, its when her mom is around that she is bad,

Answer 1

I heard an expert speak on this once. First of all, I am assuming she does give her daughter consequences when this happens. This expert said (and it really rang true to me) that if the punishment, consequence, whatever you want to call it does not work, it is because it is not punishment to the child. This makes perfect sense to me; if someone sends his or her child to the bedroom for throwing temper tantrums and it does not stop the behavior then getting sent to her room is obviously not punishment for the child. Your friend needs to find something that is actually a consequence to the child. It can be anything from time-out to not letting the child go to a certain activity the next day. She will have to keep going until she finds something that this child considers enough of a consequence to stop the tantrums. Four years old is way too old for this behavior. I can understand tantrums for children who are not yet verbal; they do it out of frustration. If this child can scream "I hate you," then she is verbal enough to be able to state her frustrations.

That said, is your friend sure that nothing else is wrong with the child? Often tantrums start after a child has been sexually abused. I am guessing that since this is a single mother that she has to use babysitters or daycare.

You are very nice to want to help your friend.

Answer 2

Its a stage and the mother needs to follow through with punishments for this behavior. My daughter does the Screaming thing at home when she can't play with the neighbors aside from spanking her there wasn't much else that was effective with my daughter. Not every kid is the same so a different punishment may be more effective. Has she tried redirecting the behavior? Or taking away whatever it is that is making her throw the tantrum. Also have her sit down with her daughter and ask her why she is behaving the way she is. Have her tell her daughter how it makes her feel when she throws tantrums. I don't know what else to say but I hope that things get better. The best advice that I can give is for her to follow through on punishments. The sooner her daughter finds out she isn't gonna get it the sooner she will stop the tantrums. I find counting helps too, after 3 she will have consequences...

Answer 3

I swear you are talking about my husband's nieces.

The mom has not set limits, stuck to them and provided structure for the child and this is the end result.

Mom could consult a parenting group for help or buy a good child rearing book. Better to get help immediately, it will get worse.

PS Child behaving well around you while alone, I'm not surprised, that is very typical behaviour for a bratty child.
The neices are 5 and 10, and listen to everything I ask or tell them - then mom comes back - its hell on earth.

Answer 4

Most kids have temper tantrums. Usually they cry and throw themselves. When my kids used to do this I would just walk away. They are doing it for attention. The worst thing you can do is pay attention to them when they are having a tantrum or give in to their demands. After your friends daughter realizes throwing tantrums isn't going to get her what she wants she'll stop. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.

Answer 5

that doesn't sound like very masterful manipulation actually, it seems fairly obvious that the child is trying to manipulate.
its the ones that you never think are getting away with it that are the masters at it...you know like the "well behaved ones"

but anyway, i think on any given day dr phill handles this question, or on that nanny 911 show so i'm sure there is advice on their website about screaming kids. it usually has to do with consistency of rules, not giving in, and spending time with the child.

Answer 6

This isn't your child and you can't deal displine them. It's just not your place.

In addition, this girl is 4. If you tried talking to her and had no luck, than maybe it's not the kids fault. Maybe it's something the mother is doing.

At such a young age, this girl needs to learn to listen, respect and take be displined by her own mother.