How can I handle my Mother's jealousy/controlling nature?

Question

Lately my husband,kids and I flew to another state to visit relatives and my mother came over to my house nearly every night the week before we left for our trip. She claimed she had to see her grandkids as much as she could before they left to go see their other grandparents for 10 days. Then she wanted us to call her as soon as we arrived there, plus call her before we left to fly back home. Then I wasn't in my own house 5 minutes and there were several messages on my answering machine,: "Aren't you home yet?" "Guess not" "It's just Mom", were just a few of several. Then our phone rang and she pumped me full of questions about my inlaws and our trip when all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. I love my mother dearly, but I found the 10 days we were gone to be a little "break" from her. lol. She does this every time we go on a yearly vacations. I don't get it. We do things with her and my Dad too, so why does she try to control our other vacations? What can I do?

Answer 1

Tell her in advance "I will call you on Sunday at 3 p.m." or whatever. Then, she can be reassured that she'll talk to you, but you are the one setting the boundary. It also helps if you say, "Mom, it would be great to see you three times a week, but I can't see you every day." Then stick to it. You can also say, "Mom, I'm too tired to talk. We're home safe and I'll call you tomorrow." You need to set the boundaries.

Answer 2

I don't know if she is trying to control your vacation or if she is this fearful of being left/abandoned. Did she get abandoned or threatened with abandonment as a child or young adult? Not that it changes your need to set realistic boundries for her, with firm kindness.(good luck). But as I read your question, this doesn't sound like control (as in sleep here, take this road, fly on this airline) but that she is afraid that you will come to harm or that you won't come home...I could be wrong.

Answer 3

empty nest sindrome
my husband thinks my mother is goin through it cause my brother just graduated highschool and i been out for the house off and on for 4 years so now she doesnt have any kids at home.

Answer 4

She seems to exhibit extreme insecurity. Maybe some therapy would help. Good Luck

Answer 5

yes, I think your mother needs to get a life....you need to be firm and put down boundaries, and honestly tell her why and also tell her the consequneces if these things done happen...if all else fails.....ring Dr Phil

Answer 6

sounds liek she could use some boundaraies..........
does she not have interests and hobbies.........
time for a sit down but loving talk with her