I don't know whether I'm ugly or attractive.?

Question

I avoid mirrors.The only mirror I don't avoid is one I have set up with special lighting that makes me look o.k.Even then I won't look in the mirror if I have my contacts in.They have to be out because I hate the way I look.I'm so confused because a lot of people tell me I'm pretty,cute,hot,attractive,adorable...but I've had others tell me I'm ugly and not attractive.Growing up I was teased a lot for my big nose,and it was ruining me so my parents paid for a nose job.I was 15.I am now 30 and I still feel ugly.I haven't had a real relationship for 4 years and I just feel like I've wasted so much of my life hating the way I look, but I can't help it when I have to face myself in the mirror everyday. About 1 year after the nose job a guy I liked made a comment that my body was hot but he kept looking at my face and wanted to puke.That was a long time ago but it's still with me completely.How do I face my looks?I hate that I focus on it so much, but it makes me not want to go out,etc.HELP

Answer 1

It's all in the attitude. You're only as ugly or pretty as you think and act.

Look at Sarah Jessica Parker, or Jennifer Anisotn - both are considered attractive, but if you just look at thier faces - neither one is It's just attitude.

Answer 2

Not to frighten you... but you sound like you might be suffering from psychological distress. Some of the things you mentioned parallel BDM (body dysmorphic disorder): it involves a disturbed body image, and sufferers are extremely critical of their appearance, despite the fact that there is no noticeable disfigurement. Symptoms includes inability/avoidance of looking in a mirror or at pictures of yourself, obsessive need to groom, an obsession with "improving your looks" through unnatural or far-fetched methods (yes, including plastic surgery) etc. Check this site out for more information & to see how you can get help: www.bddhelp.com
Even if you're not suffering from BDM, I suggest you go see a professional and seek some help since this is clearly affecting your emotional state... thus causing problems in every aspect of everyday life.

Answer 3

Well I can't believe people would say bad things like that to you, but its terrible that they can get you so down. It sounds like we have two problems, one with others view of you, and your own view of yourself. Here is how I have dealt with both in the past:

Whenever I feel unconfident or worrisome about my looks, I try to think of something good about myself, and the things I have going for me that other people may not have. Dancing around to music for some reason also seems to help. I feel hot and sexy. You should find activities that make you feel this way. Or when I am upset about my looks, I will make a list of all the things I want to accomplish (for ex go to the gym, get a tan, lose 5 pounds..) and i always end up feeling better.

as for what other people say, you cant let it bother you. 99% of the time, it is going to be because they are jealous of something that you have and they dont. People dont just sit around and make fun of people for no reason. Its because you have something they dont, and as a result they try to bring you down with them. And you can't let them do that. Another thing I might do that makes me feel better, even if it may not be the best thing to do, is think of something I have that is better than them. (yeah, i might weigh more, but that just means i could kick their *** in a fight... etc) The key is to look at the positives. and even though it may be hard, try not to care what others think. i really hope this helps!

Answer 4

Don't worry about what other people think because if people have told you that your pretty,cute, hot, and attractive then they just tell you stupid stuff because they're just freekin JEALOUS!!! And that guy that made fun of you, you should tell him to go screw himself and call him a *****!!!!!:) Look at yourself in the mirror everyday (even if your hesitating) and give yourself a compliment like "You are Beautiful and you don't care about what other people think!" If they make an ugly comment don't even Acknowledge them! If you find the need to, then feel free to tell them off! Well, GOOD LUCK!!!:)

Answer 5

how can one person ruin your life?.. if some have told you that you are hot and attractive, it is because YOU ARE!..

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. even good looking persons don't look good to everyone who sees them.. i can attest to that because i was an ugly duckling in my younger years.. that's why i've researched a lot about skin care to improve my looks.. little did i know that everything lies inside you..

when you despise yourself in front of the mirror, you are unconsciously pushing people away from you.. how can others appreciate you if that doesn't reflect from your own self?.. i guess when you walk down the streets, you don't look at people straight in the eye.. do you think all showbiz celebrities look stunning?.. some of the famous don't have the looks but they may be funny, sing well, or just plain lovable.. and fans love them..

when people criticize you, ignore them, but they might give you a hint on how to improve yourself.. and when people compliment you for how you look, thank them.. don't reply by saying, "ahh, don't say that.. i'm just.. blah blah.." STOP there.. just thank them and accept it.. because you deserve it..

look for a book on improving self esteem.. go back to the mirror and experiment on a hairstyle that suits you.. smile.. then smile again.. trust me you'll start to look better. :-)

you are in your 30s.. at the prime of your life.. enjoy it.. life is short.. make the most of it.. believe in the law of attraction.. and people will start coming to notice you..

Answer 6

How much more of your life are you gonna waste worrying about how you look? You started worrying when you were 15, then bam your 30 no married and ducking the corner whenever you see a mirror. Get over yourself. Life is too short. Nobody is as good to you as you are to yourself, start treating yourself better. People can read your insecurities all over your face. Start feeling better and youll start looking better.

Answer 7

Listen sweetie. You are NOT UGLY! You seem like the most beautiful person in the world. I know what it's like to have very low self esteem. I used to have low self esteem. Anyone who tells you that you are ugly is ugly themselves. Nobody but yourself can determine if you are ugly or not. I believe that if you are a good person that good shows on the outside regardless. Don't avoid mirrors. I mean come on life is so wonderful if you just cherish who you are, know your talents, and if you are great to everyone you meet. People are going to say REALLY hateful stuff in life but if you honestly think about it who is the truly ugly person. You, the one who is kind to everyone, or that guy who is just a jerk. I wanted to just tell all this cause I think you deserve to know it.

Answer 8

You sound like this is really effecting your way of life. Have you tried contacting that extreme make over show. From what you say here, you could be a great candidate for that show. And it won't cost you a thing. Could be the beginning of a new you and a better life. What do you think.

Answer 9

i tell you what, either you are ugly or atractive dont care about what people says cause people have different taste , i would like you but maybe my friend not, thats the way life is.Besides the way you look is sometimes attached at the way you are,you will be beloved if you are nice and kind more than if you are an arrogant and rude supermodel, only superficial people like those kind of people.

Answer 10

You are remembering the bad comments. Try to remember the good. I remember growing up and having guys say mean things about my looks. Now I think I have outgrown that , I love to run into them now! But seriously, concentrate on the good things people say, not the bad. We have all been there.