What would you have done? I left my karate school b/c?

Question

I found out our (married w/a kid) sensei was fooling around with TWO women (one of whom was also married w/kids). His wife was a student too (friends with both OW). Both women were students and progressed quickly up the ranks. Once the news broke, we all understood why they progressed so fast. HOWEVER, sensei told me I had to lose weight before I could get MY next belt. Huh? Because I checked off weight mgmt as a goal when I 1st joined, he said. Tuition was $5K a year, which he was happy to let me continue paying forever as a green belt. Um, no thanks. I quit. When I told a few ppl this, they acted like I should have stayed. Would you have stayed? What would you have done?

Thanks, all, for your answers.

About the weight: I'd tried to lose the weight for about a YEAR. It wasn't much. It should've taken a month. Once it was clear the weight wasn't budging, I asked if we could eliminate my weight loss as part of my requirement to advance. He refused, which was odd b/c if it were only an issue if I marked it as a goal originally, then why couldn't I "unmark" it as a goal?

Raven-

Sorry but there's no way I was into him or jealous in any way. Who'd want a guy that'd do that to his wife? I was disgusted b/c adultery is right next to murder IMO (at least w/murder your victim feels no more pain when dead. When you're cheated on, sometimes you never get over it.

And, as someone else said, I couldn't respect him anymore. Unf., I don't think this school belongs to any associations. I've heard of this same thing happening with more than one of the instructors in this school.

Answer 1

As far as I'm concerned, you did the right thing. What the instructor did was wrong morally and professionally, as he should be setting a good example to all of his students and colleagues. As far as making his students sign for 'promotion' conditions/pre requisites, that's something that I've never even heard of. It sounds like a money-making scheme to me. There is also nothing worse than favouritism in any school/club etc.

Go and find a better school where real bushido is practised and where respect is shown to students and instructors alike. I agree with Idai.

Answer 2

It is important that the issues which you have stated are not confused.

First off you said that this sensei was "fooling around" with several female students of his club. If indeed this was/is the case and these "extra carricula activities" are between concenting adults, then unwise at it may be as most learned persons would tell you, it is none the less nobody's concern bar the persons involved directly. That is: The sensei, his wife, the two women and possibly their husbands, That's it - it is not an affair which should be talked about by other students.. period.....

Being able to "put two and two together" relative to these women's rapid advancement in grade, doesn't change the propriety of the situation. If the women involved are in some way naive enough or blinded to the truth of their advancement without the merit or justification in doing so bar their amorous connection to the sensei - then more fool them.

This does not of course, excuse the sensei for his lack of morals in this matter. He is, based only on your accounting of this scenario, a despicable fellow, without scruples and without an understanding of the responsibilities and duties that should be applied by him in his conduct and affairs.

In regards to your being told that you should loose weight as a stipulation in respect of gaining a grade - first of all should not be associated with "these other goings on" - they are totally seperate issues and must be regarded as such.

Losing weight is always a good idea..... and without going into the obvious benefits that doing so will bring to your martial arts pratice, if you have the competancies relative and averaged to other persons attempting the same grade then it would seem that there are no legitmate reasons to refuse you the attempt at least.

The payment of $5k per annum for martial arts instruction is certainly on the fuller side of premium fees, however if you and others were paying this in the sentient comprehension of what you were doing then there seems no reason to comment further or otherwise.

It would be unwise of you to mention either: The name of this sensei, the two women or the name of the school or club in the specific to anyone else who is not in a position to both investigate your complaints and to act upon the results of that/those investigations.

You might start - if you want to take this matter further, by first assertaining if this school and sensei are part of a larger organisation. If so, you may report your concerns to the head of that organisation. If not, you may find it quite difficult to find anyone else who will be interested let alone take any action.

It may be wiser to simply let the matter drop. You did say that you have quit the school and if indeed this is the case, then you would be well served in expending you energies on something that is going to take you somewhere in the martial arts.

We live and learn as the saying goes and the longer one lives the more one realises that people will be people after all!

Answer 3

ok first off the the 2 women thing its not ur place to say really unless ur a really good friend with 1 of the parties involved(including his wife) but depending on how you feel you could drop hints if u really wanted
the weight thing is mental it doesnt matter how heavy u r or if ur u look in shape or not no matter at what level u r at i think you should get moved on when your ability has reached the point it needs to be at. for example sammo hung is a big guy but his ability makes him a good fighter
and the tuition of 5k is mental!!!!
you can find people that would teach you for a much lower rate and these people tend better that the money hungry instrutorsas they want to forcus on help people and passing on the knowledge to the next generation as well as making a comfortable living not one that would probably have a turnover of 100k a year (if he had 20 students)
i would have probably left before you did just cos of the money and the weight thing but if you disagree with something strongly like the other woman thing quitting is the right thing to do

Answer 4

Maybe those people acted like you should've stayed because it might've sounded like you were just making up stories to give up losing weight. Of course no one would want to learn from a sensei like that. I'd quit too. But always have an alternative plan to achieve your goal. Look up another martial arts class or weight loss program and follow through with that whenever people ask you why you quit this particular training.

Good luck! :)

Answer 5

Hi there

Politics and martial arts never go. I have seen this happen at one club where the sensai would take advantage of his female students. My advice is that you are better off out of it. As long as you have a valid license and certificate find another club and continue your training. Failing that start a new style at a club that is run by people who have the correct attitude and mind towards training. It's what the Japanese call having a budo heart. If the sensai is part of a large governing organization its also worth informing them of what hes doing.

Its happened to me. And i did leave along with quite a few other members. Its not the end. Budo is what makes the person. Its not the art,sensai or the organisation. Dont associate yourself with these type of people as it will reflect back on you!

Every one knows what happens when you mix business with pleasure! What a mess!

Best wishes

Idai

Answer 6

Absolutely not. That sensei is an embarrassment to respectable martial arts teachers everywhere and doesn't deserve a penny for picking favorites and critiquing a student's shape rather than skill. I take Tae Kwan Do, and am blessed with one of the best teachers of anything I have ever met. To properly teach martial arts you need a sound body and mind (including inner life) which he obviously did not have under control. A sensai should be an idol, not an embarrassment.

Answer 7

That's a pitiful sensei, I'd tell his wife of what's going on, make the affair public, leave and never come back, and of course report him to whatever karate association he's affiliated with. Tuition being 5k a year is way too much, I'd check around for rates and if he overcharges I'd report the bbb (better business bureau) too.

Answer 8

Good God! Find another teacher, most certainly one who can hold to some ethnics with students, the only time a sensei should favor a person is when it is his or her teacher or equal in rank, favor of humility, not self seeking favor. hold fast to your ethnics, it is a wise course to take, everyone makes mistakes, but that sounds like total disrespect for the school and himself, when you feel that strong about something, it would be wrong not to change your situation, good luck finding another sensei, and some luck on losing that extra weight, find a teacher who knows ways to help you and not just ways to tell you.

Answer 9

You need to find a better school with a real instructor, not a loser who rips off his students and fools around with them.

My students pay $420 a year, thats $35 dollars a month, free gi, classes are 1 and a 1/2 hours, two nights a week. I don't make a living off teaching (not that it wouldn't be great). I teach because I love to teach.

Answer 10

that sounds like a rip off. 5k a year is ludicrous. At my shaolin-do school, it is only about 100$ monthly (1200 yearly).

Sounds like just another corrupt sensei. You did good. go to a good martial art school. A good one may be shaolin-do; the grandmaster keeps close tabs on all the teachers in his schools.
For more info and a list of locations, go to shaolin-do.com (if interested)