Adopting My cousins 2 Year old Daughter?

Question

Hi everyone! i really need some help. I am 21 years old and have been happly married for 2 years, we have been together for 5 years. when i was 19 i was expecting twin boys, well to make it short, i had premature birth at 5 months, and neither one made it. I really broke our hearts, nothing we were ever expecting or even thought could happen to us. Well i was told by my doctor that i may not be able to every carry another child. We feel that we are being punished for something and we dont know how we can go thru this. we have always dreamed of having a little family together but all of our hopes and dreams were shattered when we lost Hayden and Kayden in 2004. My cousin asked if we would adopt her 2 year old daughter, we were so happy. but we were wondering what are some legal ways to do it. She is going to have a signed paper saying that she is giving us total custody, they said if we keep the child in our home for 6 months, that we can go to our judge and get legal custody. true?

She is having financial issues. She has 4 children and her husband left her and signed off on all 4, and she knows that i would be able to raise this child without any problems. her and i have a very close bond and i do believe that she will play a role in her daughters life.

Answer 1

GO FOR IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT 6 MONTHS. YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND AND YOU COUSINS CAN GO AND TALK TO LAWYER AND IT CAN GO EASY. A LWAYER CAN WRITE UP THE PAPERS AND THEN GO TO THE JUDGE AND GET THE JUDGE TO SIGN OFF ON IT.YOU NEED THE PAPERS FROM A LAWYER,THAT WAY THEIR IS NO QUESTION WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO THE CHILD WHEN IT COULD TO A DOCTOR AND OTHER THINGS...I AM GLAD THAT YOUR COUSINS HAS A EFFORT SENCE TO KNOW WHEN SHE IS OVER HER HEAD AND PUT HER CHILD FIRST. BUT FIRST ASKED HER IF SHE IS DOING IT OUT OF FEELING SORRY FOR YOUR LOST?
I HOPE SHE WILL BE IN THE LITTLE GIRL'S LIVE. I FEEL LIKE YOU WOULD MAKE A REAL GOOD MOTHER. GOOD LUCK......

Answer 2

First, my heart breaks for you two. The loss of children is something that is totally devestating.

Second, there is no way that you are being punished for anything. Things happen sometimes for which there are no explanation. This is hard enough... don't punish yourself by trying to figure out why it happened. Reality is, you will never know.

Third, about the adoption, make sure that she is clear about what her involvement will be. I would recommend that you visit a lawyer without her first and then, if the lawyer recommends it, with her. For the sake of you and the child, make sure that everything is covered and that you do everything legally. A good resource might be to call a local Children's Aid Society anonymously and ask them what the rules are in your province or state. They are really good with all the details.

Good luck! And remember, don't punish yourself. And, get a second opinion about your condition... maybe even from a fertility specialist.

Answer 3

Why is she giving up her child? Will she still be in the childs life? If so, thats hard for a two year old to understand, why mama doesnt live there anymore, and he only sees her on Christmas. Does she has drug issues? Financial? is she just giving the child up to you all, because you cant have any. I think we need more info to give better advice.


*OK*
Read, your added details. This is the problem I have with this whole thing. I applaud you for wanting to give her child a great life, I do. But why is it this one can be adopted to you, and not the others? This child may feel its whole life, it was less important to the mother,than the children she keeps. What if you adopt her, and she changes her mind, and you get into a huge battle? Are you prepared to go through that? Emotionally? Financially?

We have a very similar situation in my family. My grandmother was young and had a son with her then husband, they divorced and she was a single mother. Then she remarried, and had a child with this man. But he soon left her, and she felt she could not care for the baby. So, my great grandmother offered to adopt the second child. Problem is, less than two years later she had two more children and KEPT those children. My uncle (technically my great uncle) always felt like the outcast. It was hard for him, to see her, knowing that was his mother, to this day he calls her by her first name.Even though he has a great life, he never really got over that she said she wasnt in a place to care for him, yet she had two more (still a single mom) and raised them just fine. I think she had invisioned her mom would raise him, but he would still technically think of her as a mom, which he doesnt. I hope your cousin understands this. It could be hard to her to see the child calling you mommy, and not her. Or when the child does not remember her oneday. She may have a hard time giving up total and complete control, you might find she still wants to be involved in the child's life a little more than you'd like. (ie.having the child a seperate birthday at her house, having the child for X amount of weeks in the summer, Christmas,etc.) You all need to think long and hard about just how involved she should be, and where the line should be drawn.

Answer 4

think you have recieved good advice here.

An infant fell into my lap on Oct. 4th 2006. 10.5 weeks old. Child Protective Services had taken him from my adopted sister for neglect and abuse.

This infant is now 10 months old, and has never left. The state has helped, (foster care intervention), and my sister never shows up for visitation. I intend to have the judge terminate her parental rights when we return to court at the end of this month. (for the final custody hearing)So far, no costs, except for ALL the costs of raising a baby. The bio-mom has provided NOTHING. No money, no clothes, no diapers, nothing. The bio-mom callls, says she is coming, and never shows up.

I feel these are grounds (not to mention what she did that CPS got involved) that her rights are terminated. And since I've had the baby, I would be the first choice for the courts to let me adopt.

I don't think it will cost me any legal fees.

Both myself and baby J were lucky. I wanted another baby, but had no way to get one. Then J just fell out of the sky.

Answer 5

Your cousin now might feel she wants to help you but what happens if she changes her mind later and what consequences will that have on your relationship?
I don't know why you have given up on the hope that you can have your own children. Lots of people gave birth against medical odds. My sister has PCOS and PCOS woman tend to be infertile. Her first husband left her on that account. She remarried since and several years later she has a beautiful baby girl. My best friend had a brain tumour from which she has thankfully recovered and has gotten married since her operation. For a woman who has gone through chemotherapy, they say it is extremely difficult to get pregnant.
10 years after her marriage, with persistent effort and prayers she has a lovely baby boy. This can happen to you, do not give up hope and prayers. Have you tried a specialty clinic?
I am sorry for the loss of your twins and if it is any consilation, It is in our belief that when a mother loses a child, the gates of heaven are open for her. All the best whatever you do, and I pray you will have a child in your arms to ease your pain.

Answer 6

i am so sorry about your lost. it is a devastating feeling to lose your child.

i do not know the legal ramifications to your problem, but i would like to suggest to you to be careful.

a few years ago, a friend who was going through some hard times in life, left her child with me. i had the baby since he was two weeks old. i raised him for two years. during those years she never showed any interest in the child or any signs that she wanted him back.

in my mind and heart, he was mine. one day out the clear blue sky, she came by and said she wanted her son back and according to lawyers she had that right. she took him. it felt like some one snatched my heart out. i cried for over a year because it felt like i experienced the lost of a child.

if you decide to go through with adopting your cousins child make sure it is something she really thought completely through.

eventhough your tradegy happen a couple of years ago, i think you and your husband need to completely heal because you a vulnerable and have the need to have that emptiness you feel to be filled.

you are still young, and though children are a blessing to have and be around, take the time and learn about you and accomplish some other goals in your life.

i have two children (4 and 5 years old) of my own now. i love them to pieces. i also have a stepson (10 years old). These boys keep me busy. somedays i love it and some days i say (calgon take me away-- lol).

p.s. get second opinion about being able to get pregnant, if you haven't already. who knows, you may be able to have triplets the next time (omg)

i wish you and your husband the best of luck

Answer 7

It depends on what county and state you live in. I am adopting my two-year-old niece. She was removed from her parents custody. In Los Angeles you can call the Dept. of Children and Family. If you lived here your cousin could tell them that she wanted to give up her parental rights, they would place her with you (they always go for family first) on an emergency placement. You would then apply for her adoption. This method would be free. You could also go the private attorney route, but I heard that private takes longer because they tend to drag out the cases. You can go the even quicker route nd do all the paperwork yourselves. Good luck and I'm sorry about your twins.

Answer 8

It would be in the best interest of the child if things were done with a lawyer. Find a good adoption attorney in your area and have your cousin call him and tell him that she wants to relinquesh her parental rights. The father of the child will have to relinquesh his rights as well. Then you can petition the courts for custody of the child. After the child lives with you for 6 months you can go back to court to have the adoption finalized.

Answer 9

every state is different but I do know you need to speak with a lawyer! Most states require a social worker to come visit for at least six months to make sure seh's adapting to your house- but being you're family she and teh babies father should be able to just sign a paper saying they're giving you their parental rights and terminating their own. You must have it from both of your neices parents though. GL get a free consultation with a adoption lawyer and ask.

Answer 10

no...i don't care about your problem