Dead beat dad has lung Cancer wife request call on Fathers day.?

Question

A couple of days ago my Step Mom called to say he has lung Cancer and that she request that my sister and me call on Fathers day.?
The problem is that my father is not in my life. I guess he was a great father to his second wife and her kids but as for me and my sister we where the forgotten children.
He left our family when i was about three and my sister was around 6 years old. He never helped my mother or us in anyway the only thing i can recall about him is that we could not find him . In later years we have kept in contact from time to time . I am now 47 years old and this still bugs me.
Should i call or send him a card?

Answer 1

i think you will regret it if you don't... this is a "be the bigger person" moment. You don't have to do the "daddy, i love you" bit, but what will it cost you to send him a card or a call? If you have kept in contact from time to time, it's not like it's coming out of nowhere.

Consider it a good deed, Know you don't have to, but that it would be appreciated. Just because he didn't earn it, doesn't mean you can't just give it!

If you opt for the card, say something like " I understand you are facing some challenges. I am thinking of you and hope you find the strength that you will need in the days ahead"

Good luck. The high road ain't an easy place to travel!

Answer 2

I have a father like yours...he left when I was 7 and my sis was 3. I am now 34 years old and it still bugs me too! I contacted him last year via email and we maintained a reasonable correspondence until I was too honest with him and now he really doesn't deal with me. I have a dad that my mom married when I was 13 who has been everything that a dad should be and I am truly grateful, but he can never replace what my father took from me when he walked out on us. If I were you I would really search my soul on this one and only do what you can reconcile in your own heart and mind. His illness does not entitle him to a "get out of jail free card" as it were. As far as my father is concerned even when we were communicating I DID NOT send him any kind of correspondence on Fathers' Day as I feel that he has not earned it and certainly isn't automatically given such respect shearly because we are biologically connected.

If anything I would think about the things that you want to say before he is gone...not for him, but for you. If he died tomorrow what you wish you had had the opportunity to say, but didn't? Fathers' Day probably isn't the best day for such a conversation, but any other day would work. You have a right to be heard and who knows perhaps now that he is sick he may be looking back over his life from a different angle. Maybe you'll not only get the chance to say what you need to, but more importantly perhaps you will get to hear what you need to! I truly feel & understand your pain on this one and I hope that it all works out to YOUR benefit.

Answer 3

Your 47 now, you should be over the petty problems your mom and dad had in the past. He is your father, what ever the situation everyone deserves to have a second chance from anyone and everyone. If you have a grudge against your father, thats your perogative, buy the only way your going to have peace with it is to forgive. He is there for you, and now he has cancer. My mom died from cancer, and not a day goes by thinking if I make her proud, wish i could've told her this told her that. Your father has cancer now, your 47 years old, don't you think its time for you to grow up?

Answer 4

Realize that if he has lung cancer he may not have a long time left to live and anything not said is never going to be said.

I wouldnt wait for fathers day. If you can go see him and try to get any issues cleared up. There may be reasons for what he did that you dont know. You are old enough that he might discuss them with you.

The request from your dads wife isnt unreasonable , he may not know she asked.

Answer 5

Lung Cancer is hard to beat, it has a high death rate, and your step mom may want you & your sister to take the time now to say your goodbye.
I can understand how your feeling ... and it was really wrong of him to make you & your sister feel unloved & unwanted, so I would really suggest you & your sister meet with him (any day other than Father's Day) and tell him how he made you feel and ask him the questions you've always wanted to ask and make your peace with him.
You may find he needs to make peace with you as well.

Answer 6

I would call him. Just to prove to him that you turned out to be a better man than he! At least you would be making an effort, which is more than it sounds like he did. I wouldn't get all mushy with the "I love you"s and all, but just call and say your sorry about the cancer and be polite. It's not going to hurt you any and if you don't, it may be something you really regret in the future.

Answer 7

I am one to suggest always be a better person than someone like he has been but I can't really say he is deserving of such a selfless act of generousity on your part....at best..send a card and let him know you've always hoped to have had a better relationship with him and that on this fathers day you wish him well....do so and you deserve a blessing for it.

Answer 8

If I were in your situation I would request a visit with him,if it was possible I'd talk to him and tell him how I feel,he may have things that he'd like to say to you and your sister.Get it all out,not that anything can be changed but you all may feel better for having been honest with each other,and you might be able to put your negative feelings to rest.

Answer 9

it's your call. he's your dad no matter what. are you sure you could live with yourself if you don't ackowledge him and he dies? no matter how you feel now, the guilt could weigh heavy in the future. another thing to think about is, are you questioning the idea of calling him b/c you kind of want to hurt him? not that you don't have the right but, is it worth it? wouldn't it be better to show him what a good man you've turned out to be even w/o his help? is it possible that calling him would kind of be like defeat? just some things to think about but, like i said, it's your call. do what is right for you.

Answer 10

If he were to die tomorrow, would you feel sad and regretful for not saying goodbye? If the answer is yes, then I would call or send a card- just for closure on your part.