Think outside the box.......?

Question

What if we took "fidelity" out of marriage and recoginized it for what it is???

A financial merger. Each spouse is a partner. What if we agreed to keep the merger intact, agreed that neither of the parties was going to be the other's sole eternal turn on, acknowledged our sexuality, and allowed an occasional,discreet, perhaps shared, oh, "liason", with another party.

What if we agreed that the union would remain intact and that each partner could "liason" at their own discretion, together, separately, whatever they're both comfortable with.

I'm not talking about constant abuse. I'm talking about that rare occasion you just know your gonna regret passing by....

Would the kids be raised with two parents?

Anyone out there secure enough to admit that their partner may one day desire someone else? Why does this have to be "the end"?

Lets face it, at 54% divorce rate, we may want to be more realistic in an adult relationship.

I am a woman.

bcptm: My point exactly, why can't I be honest, tell my partner I have a desire to be with another person, and enjoy the experience without jeapordizing the relationship and "Cheating."

K Gene 1969, you're a good man.

Duckgrabber: (btw, what is that?) If your ex gf who married 8 times, had had the philosophy that she would not destroy the marriage by having an occasional "liason" would she still be married, to someone? Financially, she'd be way better off.....

Hello, Flavio. Here's the thing: people can't do it. The addition of a "Liason" to a marriage kills it.

Ken W: it was my hope to put you out of business, nothing personal, though. Just we deny our sexuality. If people were realistic, and I'm not talking about an emotional affair, then we'd tolerate the occasional liason. Back in the day, a man was discreet. the wife knew, but she also knew her kids still had a dad,and that her home was secure. We just tear it all up nowadays.

vijay: I wish marriage was just about an emotional union. It's not. My divorce has left me financially devasted. Just a PS: neither of us had an affair, he was just completely non participating. Completely.

Answer 1

I know my partner has a desire for other women and I have a desire for other men so we have other partners as well as each other sexually of course not emotionally. More power to you, it would be easier in the long run to find someone who has the same beliefs as you and someone who you love to live life the best you can.

Answer 2

Do you talk about marital relationship or corporate relationship? There is a wide difference between the two & the major one is the emotional relationship which exist in the marital life which is absent in the corporate world. In a corporate world it’s the work & money relationship whereas in marital world it’s the emotions & love relationship. How can we mix these two relationships? Its not the only the question of "fidelity" there exist lots of more then this factor in a marital life, its the love between the spouses, mutual understanding, sharing of responsibilities, legitimacy children & their care, social relationships, family relationship & the most important the social recognition of such relationship apart from a legal recognition. Even if any partner by his or her mistake indulge in infidelity its on the other partner to either end such a relationship or forgive the guilty partner & carry on the marital life as usual, by brings the clause such factor of infidelity should not be a part of the marital relations will give no meaning to the sanctity of this relationship/institution which we call marriage, rather it will be giving legality to the act of prostitution, where one partner pays to another for doing sexual intercourse & nothing else, but marriage is not a legal form of prostitution.

Answer 3

Okay had to scroll back through all of that to find the questions. No promise that when the merger takes place any part of it would feel responsible for raising any children that might come from the stock transactions. And I'm sure my boyfriend looks at women pretty routinely that he might like to sleep with if I wasn't around but he doesn't because he respects me and our relationship. And good Lord I need people to stop touting the same old stat out. The divorce rate for all marriages is around forty percent. The divorce stat has been skewed since it was first brought out using faulty data. One million couples filed for divorce and two million got married. That one million was from everyone that ever got married and that two million was for a given year. But half of marriages ending in divorce is a much scarier and eye catching news story.

Answer 4

What if you brought a disease home to the kids!?! Seriously though I am assuming you are a man. Even though I dislike stereotyping men generally see sex as sex and women become romantically involved. At some point don't you think one partner would want more? Whether it be the "liason" or the husband or wife who is in the "mood" but the other already has been satisfied and is not interested.

Yes, I recognize that my husband desires other women, but it is a testament to his character that he doesn't act on it. I have found in many areas of life that fantasy is better than reality. Enjoy the fantasy!

Answer 5

First of all, let me assert that you are not thinking differently or to put it in your own words "out of the box". Your focus is exclusively on excluding fidelity from marriage, which incidentally has found consonance with the thoughts of a lot of people since ages. Fidelity which comes from mutual trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. A financial arrangement might fall on its face when one of the partners starts to "think out of the box". Remember Enron?
The need for change arises when the old system fails. Marriage isn't failing. 54% divorce (is that US stat?) isn't true the world over. Look into the lives of the 54% and you will probably find that they weren't good enough to marry in the first place. Sharing is a very important word in any marriage. Selfish people can never make a marriage work. Why blame marriage?
A sizeable number of married adults do "liaison". Tasting the forbidden fruits of passion have been a pursuit with most adults from time immemorial. If the thing has to be done discreetly, occassionally and after carefully ensuring that no one is watching you, well the thing isn't OK. Why not leave marriage as it is and treat your own concept as a different ball game with its own set of rules? Some people play poker while some play Russian Roullette. In order to have a taste of another piece of flesh with mutual consent you don't have to alter the fundamental concepts of marriage. Just do it. These days who bothers about such things?
A marriage as a financial arrangement overlooks some vital aspects. Those who don't have the capital are not eligible to participate. Some women with stunning looks might yet make it without capital. But, no capital and no looks, sorry mate. And just remember that fidelity of both partners is a must in this arrangement too. You can't make it work with a swindler as one of your partners.
Such an arrangement is an arrangement of profit. Profiteering can never be the concept of any marriage. Marriage means sharing, caring and sacrificing. So call it by any other name except marriage. And in a business, nothing should be introduced to eat into profit margins. Children are useless expenses. In your concept of marriage, child birth should be a strict "no". Partners are never known to smilingly take up business losses.
Changes should reform a system and not debase it. Some aspects of marriage might be in crying need of reforms. Let us put our heads together to find a solution to such problems instead of devising more problems. I admit that my wife might desire to sleep with another man and that definitely is not the end of her life. She just ends with me and starts with another.
For every 54% who divorce, there is still a healthy 46% who stick together. They are a minority all right. But what's the harm in learning from them the tricks to make a marriage work?

Answer 6

Most people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. No person is perfect, we all have made mistakes and are going to make mistakes.

I dont know any men who would be comfortable with their partner having sex with another man. Sure they could and probably do, but most men expect their women to be theirs (a caveman thing perhaps?).

My hubby has had a couple of affairs (that I know of) I was shattered but we got through it. I felt at the time that there was something wrong with me because he wouldnt have cheated. It took a long time for those wounds to heal and for me to feel secure in our marriage again.

Every couple is different and I hope you find what works for you

Answer 7

First of all its your thinking that has the divorse rate so high! second of all that would be why you shouldnt get married. Marriage is between 2 people, not whoever you want to enter in to it after the fact. I have nothing against this life, if your SINGLE!!! I think it is a discrace that people even think about taking action on someone cuz they get their gentals all worked up over some stranger that has no felling for you. Sex is what you make it, and its not the parts that make great sex, its the one in which you wake up with each morning knowing they love you no matter what.

Answer 8

Everywhere this sort of "open" marriage was tried, it has failed. People get hurt. Children get devastated. It's just more adult selfishness. In short, you want your cake and eat it too. Real life doesn't work that way.

Let me put this "54%" divorce rate to rest. The rate has been steadily going down, for starters. Really though, you can't say that 54% of all people who get married get divorced in their lifetime. What you have is a relatively small group of people who are marrying/divorcing over and over again. One of my old girlfriends has been married 8 times! These people really skew a simple average and make it tricky to quote simple, unanalyzed statistics.



Kent in SD

Answer 9

Then really think outside the box....don't get married. Marriage is about two people who want to be devoted to each other (hopefully) and have children who are their primary reasons to exist and grow in life. If this isn't what you want, stay single, don't procreate and do what you need to do. Life isn't about sex alone. Once you understand this, you get to be a real adult.

Answer 10

You are not thinking clearly.
just because you can , does not mean you should.
sex is not love and you would want FDIC insurance for you money, but a vagina that looks good, you could not pass it up without a guarantee to keep you safe in a safe ball?

Reality buddy, you do not need to do that, you have chosen that and why would you want to do that to anyone else, something you would want your mother to do?????????????

Really, grow up.