How can i tell them when i know it will break their hearts?

Question

I've been doing some serious soul searching lately and really considering what i truly believe, and i've come to the conclusion that i dont believe in the religion my parents raised me in. I'm 15 years old and my whole family is mormon. For most of my life up untill now i just went along with the religion, and if there was anything about it that i didnt agree with, i just told myself to trust in god, because since i believed in ALMOST everything mormons believe, then i just need to work out those other few things. But i finally stopped thinking like that and allowed myself to consider if what i was being told was false, and found that i dont even know why i even thought i believed in that religion for 13 years of my life.

The thing is, i dont know if i'm going to tell my parents, or when, or what i'll say, or how it will affect our family, etc. For one, in the mormon religion they believe that there are certain things you have to do to be with your family in heaven, (details...)

and if i deny their religion, in THEIR eyes, i cant be with them after we die. I love my parents so much, and i know that if they think i cant be with them for eternity after all, then it will tear them apart, and honestly i dont know if i can bring myself to do that to them. My older sister was diagnosed with a mental disorder just a couple years ago also, and put our family through hell with drugs and all that, and they're still recovering from that. This on top of that would kill them! I know my mom would have a total melt down. Same with my dad...we have a "daddy's little girl" relationship.

I'm also having trouble getting a tangible list together of reasons WHY i dont believe in it any more. How can i present a reasonable case to my parents if i dont have any evidence? Our family is very, well...strict about religion. It's not a question of "well you can pick whatever religion you want and we'll still love you!" If i try to leave the church, my parents will just think...

i'm "going astray" and try to force their religion on me even more. It's like a gang...once you're in you either stay in or they kill you when you try to get out. Except i was born into it! How do i get out???

(last part I swear...) Even if i do present a reasonable case to my parents, and make it as creditable as possible, in their eyes i'm still just 15. To them i'm just a teenager with raging hormones. They wont take me seriously! No matter what i do i know they wont even consider that i'm serious. They'll think it's a phase that will pass if they lock me in my room with a cup of water and a bible. I have been thinking about this for months, and i KNOW what i believe. This is MORE than a phase...just how can i make them believe me?

To all you who took the time to read this whole thing, i know it's long, sorry! Thanks though. I really appreciate it!

Answer 1

That's something we can't really help you with. You know your parents, and we don't. But unless there's a real reason to upset your parents, it probably isn't worth stirring up that bee's nest. You'll probably not convince them to deconvert, and their religion will probably tell them to disassociate with you.

Of course, parents are not stupid, and they'll probably see evidence eventually that you're not really into the fold. If they ask questions, it's probably best to give straight answers. This is especially true if you meet someone who's not a Mormon to have a relationship with. At that point, there will probably be questions and you'll have to face them then.

From what I've heard, the Mormons can be fairly nasty towards those that leave. So, make sure you're in a safe place where they can't affect you as much before you "come out".

Good luck and congrats for breaking the mold of religious indoctrination.

If you need more advise, I recommend the following link:

Answer 2

Though you don't believe, what's the harm in going to church with them anyway? All your doing is wasting time, but it seems like a small gift to give your parents, just a few hours a week. If nothing else, maybe it will help you come up with those tangible reasons why you don't believe, so you can have some discussions with your parents over those specific topics. You only have a couple years til you are old enough to be on your own anyway. But I would continue to look seriously at why and what you do and don't believe. But I'd also take a look at paths that your church takes you on vs. the different paths that you'd choose without the church. And look at other religions as well, see what you like and don't like about them.

Sometimes growing up a certain way, or even just spending too much time with something, causes you to take for granted what you have. You become complacent. It's common to 'wake-up one day' and wonder how you even got there. It happens religiously, it happens in relationships, jobs. It's best if you can face those feelings before you get to that point. But once you're there, it is time for some re-evaluation, reappreciation, and some review, remembering etc. and overall just a bit more effort on your part, to find out why you feel the way you do and what you're going to do about it.

Good Luck, and God Bless.

Answer 3

I'm not a Mormon. And I'm not a Mormon on purpose. That is, I know what they believe and have chosen not to believe it.

I am a Christian. I think I can give you a suggestion that will help.

If you still have some belief in God or in the Bible, you know that you've been placed in the authority structure of a family for your own good until such time as you're able to make your own decisions. You may be at that point already in some areas. However, you're still obligated to obey your parents.

I suggest you stick with your parents' religious beliefs out of respect for them as your parents, not necessarily out of respect for their religion. You don't have to *believe* what they believe, but just stick it out for a couple more years. Once you're on your own you can step out in a new direction.

Search the Web and you'll find organizations that help recovering Mormons. They may have better advice than the losers and posers who frequent Yahoo Answers R&S section.

In the meantime, use some discernment deciding what to keep and what to throw away. There is a God, he loves you and wants what's best for you. Like you, he's not impressed with the Mormons. But he is interested in you. Read the Bible (especially the New Testament) and learn what God is really all about. Expect him to be different than what you're being taught on Sunday.

Ignore most of the crap you're bound to get in answer to your question. Seriously, there are few intelligent people who hang out here. :-)

Best wishes.

Answer 4

Mormons are among the nicest people on the planet. Unfortunately, they do not stick to the bible, but follow another gospel.

You have the right to believe what you choose. I hope what I am hearing you say is that, although you believe in God, the bible and Jesus, you don't agree with Mormon doctrine. If that is so, you are God-sent. He can use you to shine a light in the midst of your family.

I have a Mormon boss and he also, of course, has an extended family, all Mormons. I am praying that one day he can come to know the truth about Mormon doctrine, that he will turn to the biblical Jesus and the bible only, and that he also will become the light in the darkness.

I pray God give you strength and courage and the grace to be His servant, no matter what anyone thinks.

Answer 5

Hi, I guess i'm a "liberal mormon" and hope that I can share some insights and experiences I have had.

A few months ago, after entering the temple with my family, I spoke with my father (also a lifetime mormon) and very bluntly told him that there are certain aspects of the LDS faith that I don't agree with or believe. After hearing this he pulled me aside, out of hearing distance of the rest of the family, and told me he felt the same way. We had a good talk and it has really helped me.

Basically, all beliefs and faiths are open to interpretation. Also, one true doctrine in a church doesn't mean every other doctrine is true. For example: You can believe that Jesus is the Christ, but not believe that Noah really built an ark.

I am of the mind that the LDS church, along with many christian churches, is filled with wonderful truths. Also, many things they teach are only best guesses. Stop worrying about whether the whole church is ture or not and instead figure out the things you truly have a testimony of yourself. You can't live how other people tell you if you don't believe what is being said without hating yourself. My father and I went through the same difficulty.

I reccomend not ostracizing yourself from Mormon society as a whole. Despite not believing all that mormonism teaches, my father has spent his life (just like myself) as an active, obedient church member. Doing this has brought many blessings, both socially and spiritualy into his life. So what if we don't agree with everything? That doesn't mean we have to throw it others faces.

Live how you wish. Respect the beliefs of others. Find your own testimony. They are very personal and can only be discovered on an individual level. Don't believe everything you hear just because it came from certain sources. God loves you more than you know.

I wish i had time to tell you more. If you want, click on my avatar and email me.

Good luck. God bless.

Answer 6

Dear young adult :) (as I'm not sure how else to address you...)
15 is a time for questionin, searching, etc.
Out of curiosity what religion have you chosen?
See, I've had certain issues of sorts a while back (even when adult)... my religion is not my family's.
My family is 90%+ Christian (denomination not important for msg.)
Mine is Earth-Based.
The only thing on the issue of various Heaven/s/ afterlife imho, once you pass you are in one way ore another still connected with your Family whichever relifgion they were. There is not going to be a matter of what/who believes.
They are your family and love you and will be with you in one way or another...
Now to focus on the living :)
Perhaps try to be polite and voice your opinion in as repectful and kind manner as possible. They do love you, and even as I personally don't know much about Mormon ways, I know they can be strict with children.
Try and sit them down and tell them of your concerns beliefs etc. Perhaps try to write down several notes, as you would for a school essay.
But in any case, while you're living in your parents house, whatever it is that you believe, you may have to hold to their beliefs. In this case I wish you luck and hope your family will understand.
In the worst case scenario... you will have to wait until you're old enough to start following whichever it is that appeals to you.
I don't know how/ if there is a 'personal' connection for Mormons where they would in a prayer ask for help from God etc.
Maybe try to pray in your own way and ask for help and guidance...
In any case, be well...

Answer 7

I can't tell you the right thing to do, I guess I worry for your salvation, but you have the family that might gang up on you and try to change your mind and then they may succeed. I had an advantage, my dad was sexually attracted to me, and also treated me like crap, so when he would argue with me for hours about my chose, it didn't work and I mean, we had yelling matches and in the back of my mind, I also had my ward that never excepted me either (the people always thought they were better then me, and I was gonna stay around for more mistreatment, I think not) My mom, I think knew my dad was attracted to me, in an unnatural way, but ignored it (and not all mormon men are like this) (and thats only one of the many reasons I left). You may want to wait until you are 18 and look at the anti-mormon sites, the mormons are forbidden to look at. You may want to get yourself a christian bible and start reading it, it has changed my life, I saw things in it, I never found in a mormon bible, things that would just pop out and I was learning things as if God was teaching me out of his holy word. (by the way, I read all the holy scriptures by the mormons three times and they only put me to sleep) You may want to investigate other theologies or take a religious class in college, or be atheist, some mormons just can't handel religon after being a mormon. Be ready for your mormon ward to gang up on you, you may have to leave you dad's house to get away from your ward and family who don't want to agree with your decision and are afraid you are going to hell. I would find out what the temple is really like on th anti-mormon sites. If I had gone to the temple when I was a mormon, I would have freaked out thru the whole thing and then promptly left the church (I asked my atheist brother if this is what they did in the temple from what they said on the sites and he said it is what happens).

Answer 8

Perhaps you can put a question to your parents like, Do you mind if I want to study world religions and see all the common threads that run through them so I may gain more insight about Divine Love in the hear and now? Ask them if you can discuss and exchange new ideas and learn for yourself how to serve humanity as best you can. I always wanted to learn about atoms and galaxies when growing up as well as about the Creator and how to grow towards living a guilt free life, being good to others, and most of all conquering fear! Fear is what keeps perfect Love blocked from ones awareness! Some people are unknowingly so afraid of being wrong and get very defensive if you question their beliefs. I feel it is more important to be good than to be right. I hope you can find the grace to communicate your feelings to them without insulting them, as I know many strict Lutherans who stand firm that they are defenders of truth, and I always want to say, "you mean your version of the truth", but I say instead, isn't that the fantastic thing about free will freely given to us by the Creator, that we can think and question life for ourselves?" Share your fascination about new ideas and ask them what they think about different aspects of other religions and how they compare to their own out of sheer curiosity. I say stay open to new ideas, because if you think you know all the answers, or that you have the cornerstone on truth then are you done learning? I wish you peace of the heart my dear.

Answer 9

This has to be a serious thought that you're willing to take the consequences for. They could be supportive but if their religion expects you to be a part of the religion, then they it will be more upsetting to them. They may even take it personally. And they may try to convince you to believe again in their religion. There is probably no better way to say it, then to thank them for all the education and support and then to tell them that you began questioning certain things and now you don't believe in all of it.
Sounds like you've found your identity and your thoughts. Good luck.

Answer 10

Wow. You've weighed a lot of consequences about disassociating yourself from essentially a way of life and culture, and are understanding the ramifications to you and your family.

If I had any credible advice, I'd say keep it to yourself for the time being. The potential to disrupt your family and their trust in you isn't worth the risk. Years ago, my good friend announced to his parents he wasn't going to church anymore, and his whole extended family sort of extorted (his words) him to return. It was an uneasy alliance for years and he resented the pressure placed on him to conform.

You won't find this in your ward directory, but there are plenty of other souls out there who feel much like you, but have different approaches to dealing with it. Most are clandestine, as making a break with the church means making a break with family.

Meanwhile, you can always ask interesting questions in seminary or Sunday school.