family feud over baby shower. how do i handle it?

Question

first off, my parents are divorced.

second, my mom and her husband are going in to visit in July. i will be 15 weeks pregnant. because she was unable to attend any of my wedding showers she wants her side of the family to have a baby shower for me while she is here.

i have issues with this 1) i will only be 15 weeks. that is freaking crazy and insane. i have already tried to stop this from happening but my family is stubborn and will not listen to my concerens.

the bigger issue 2) my other baby showers provided by my stepmothers side/dad side and in-laws will be in oct. or nov. i feel it is completely unfair to them.

i have to already register for my july baby shower. in doing so basically my mom did it so she could have first pick at what she wanted to get me (i.e. the good stuff and big ticket items). now all that will be left for later is clothes because i wont know in july what i am having yet.

how do i solve this?

the showers are like 5 months apart. i mean i know my mother and i know she is doing this for both good and crappy reasons.

but i think it is unfair to register for everything and let those who attend the shower in nov.

i mean it is like when you go to get gifts off a wedding registery and you are left with buying all the $10 items. espeically if you are family people hate having to do that and normally chalk it up to waiting till the day before.

i am not being selfish here. i not even thinking of how this could effect me. yea i would be great to get everything i need for the baby now. but i know my dad and other family members would like to buy me nicer things than clothes and socks.

Answer 1

You know, I say just sit back and stop stressing (you're pregnant!) Just let your mom throw you the baby shower, it's obvious your attempts to protest are falling on deaf ears. Let her family buy you whatever they are going to, and just don't worry about it.

Then when it's over, you can exchange or return the gifts you don't like or don't need, then delete the registry that your mom did for you.

Then you can start all over in August or September, register for the things you really want and need, and enjoy the baby shower that the other side of your family throws for you. No big deal.

It's a shame that your mom is so set on doing what she feels like doing and stomping on your feelings at the same time, but hey, if she's throwing you a baby shower (even though I agree that 15 weeks is an absurd time to have one - don't worry about that too much either, sometimes there are just extenuating circumstances and you have to bend the rules a little) just try to enjoy it, be grateful, and just move on. Just make sure you keep track of the gift receipts and you can make returns or exchanges with your registry if you don't have receipts.

Just enjoy the baby shower! And congratulations on the baby!

Answer 2

you can do a number of things.
1) let her have her shower, but remind her taht since it's unfair to those throwing you showers later this year, that you will donate items to the needy that you don't like or want.

2) set limits on what's on the registry for your July shower. split up the items so there are cheap and expensive items each time.

she's got a grandbaby on the way and she wants to play grandma. ut mom is being manipulative and if you're not careful she's gonna tell you how to raise this cherub next.

put your foot down. it's your baby and your rules. if she doesn't wanna play, then no shower. you are being very tolerant and i dont think it's in your best interest or that of you child. you can be fair and get what you want. take a deep breath and talk to mom. you can do it. be calm. be assertive. good luck.

Answer 3

You think she's bad now, wait til the baby's born and then you'll know interference.

You say you have tried to stop the shower but how? It sounds like you are being walked on. I would tell her you are feeling superstitious about having a baby shower so early ...(I know of friends who buy nothing before a baby is born because they don't want to "tempt fate".)

Answer 4

Is there any reason you couldn't let the other half of the family know that you set up your registry early because you are being thrown an early shower? That way they could look and if they really wanted to pick up anything that felt close to their hearts they could.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like a problem. I know a lot of people who have had more than one baby shower. Make sure you tell your mom to chill and that you'll create your own registry. Make sure she knows how you feel. Ultimately, enjoy your shower! This is not an argument worth having, your mom wants to do something nice for you, let her!