Childish MIL?

Question

I had my son in March 07 and since the day he was born, my MIL went out of her way to do everything and do it her way. It took my fiance almost 2 mo's to say something to her and when he did she got an attitude and became jealous of my relationship with my son. Soon, mother's day rolled around and she became upset because I spent the whole day with my son, later telling me that I was wrong(?). Now she has started back in her old ways doing things I asked her not to (listed below) and annoying the hell out of me. I'm tired of talking to my fiance b/c it is obvious that he is scared of her and it will take another 2 mo's before he does. I'm seeing that talking does not work, b/c she doesn't know how to take criticism and she thinks she has some kind of right to act out. Should I show her how she acts by acting the same way she does, or just leavce it alone. Give me some ideas, b/c it STOPS the next time she visits.

Whenever my fiance leaves she comes in the room and wakes up my son to give him a bath (does it wrong) and wakes me up b/c she doesn't know how (?)
Whenever she's around him, she wakes him up
Call's herself mommy when talking to him
Wants him to go w/ her everywhere even bed
Picks out his clothes daily
Tells my fiance don't kiss him or touch his face
Talks about the way we clothe and bathe him (Says she can do it better)
Enforce that we use her home remedies and techniques (none have worked)Wants everyone to be around her (C. O.A. Issue)

Trying to talk to her she became VERY Reluctant and as I've pointed out CHILDISH. EVEN HAS CRIED ON MANY OCCASIONS. (?)

SHE COMES AROUND 2 DAYS EVERY 2 WEEKS AND WHEN SHE'S AROUND SHE TAKES OVER. WHEN SHE IS NOT AROUND I BATHE, CLOTHE, AND FEED MY BABY. SNCE HE HAS BEEN BORN I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO WASHES HIS CLOTHES, CLEANS HIS ROOM AND TAKES OUT HIS GARBAGE. SOME COMMENTORS ARE TO ILLITERATE TO UNDERSTAND THAT I AM ABLE TO DO IT MYSELF.

Answer 1

I understand completely, i find it to be both my MIL and my own mother who does those same things and more. My husband had a hard time telling his mother no, and it took him a long time to do it. Years infact. but i don't ever say anything to her about it, it is your F's jobs to do that. The Calling herself "MOMMY" thing is creepy and if you are living there you need to move out and move far, she isn't going to change, and she might even try to take your son away from you. I wouldn't be leaving her with your son, by themselves until she deals with her problems, she needs to go to therapy for herself and when she starts getting better and you don't mind her in your life i would go to family counsiling to set some boundaries. Good luck honey.

Answer 2

Are you living with your soon to be MIL? If so, go separate ways. The reason your fiance won't say anything is because he already know it won't do any good.
That mommy Sh!t would stop in a heartbeat. Plain and simple I'm the only mommy of my baby.
As for waking him up, thats not right either, a baby needs its rest. I'd tell her to leave the baby alone and when the baby wakes you will let her know so she can bathe him. If she continues to wake him and not follow any of your rules then you will have no choice but to separate ties with her.

Answer 3

Do you live with her? If so, WHY? Obviously, your "fiance", aka shackup, is not much of a man, he didn't bother to get married BEFORE the kid was born. If he's not man enough to do something as simple as that in 9 months, why would you expect him to turn on mommy?
You're gonna have to be the grown up. Tell her, put your foot down.

P.s. she's not an "in-law" because there is no legal relationship.
Speaking of illiterate... Why are you allowing this person to have free run of YOUR home??? My (REAL, not pretend) mother in law knows that it's her son's home and he demands more respect for me than that. She knows he won't tolerate the kind of disrespect you're putting up with...
AGAIN... Get a MAN not some little boy whose mommy is still running his home.

Oh, and FYI, it doesn't make you look mature by screaming at people who point out facts.. You are shacking up, he's not man enough to MARRY you against mommy's wishes. You are allowing her to do things that you don't want her to do.
You're the childish one here.

Answer 4

The tactful way to go about it is to sit her down or while playing with the baby just point out that though you respect her and the way she raised her son, that is not how you wish to raise yours. You have rules to be followed when your child is involved and you would appreciate it if she would stick with it. You aren't trying to be rude but you are a mother now and it's your turn to figure out what works best with your son.

Answer 5

Perhaps you need to stop depending on your fiance to step up and you should tell her to calm down. You need to put your foot down and tell her that this is your child and you will no longer stand for her taking over or doing something that you dont approve of.

She'll get upset but so what, this is YOUR child. She may be doing this just to see how far she can push you.

Answer 6

the next time she visits, just tell her the way things are in your house and with your child. talk with fiance first, but if she keeps up her attitude and ways, just tell her that she is no longer welcome in your house and she will not be able to see the baby if she doesn't follow your wishes. good luck sweetie, I know just where you're coming from. I had the same issues with my husband's mom.

Answer 7

You need to make her understand that the child is yours...and not hers...you are the parent...the mother. If she doesn't like it then leave the child alone. You will make the decisions...you need to be firm with her...too bad if she cries...its your baby. You need to take a stand with her if your fiance won't.

Answer 8

Do we have the same MIL? Sounds like it.
We confronted her with the issues we had. She of
course did NOT like that one bit. We have not spoken
for almost two months. Not that I miss them! LOL.

I think if you want things to change you will have to speak up and make sure you follow through with what every you say.

Congratulations on your son.

Answer 9

Sounds to me if you rely on her this much that she has the ability to do all of these things [on a daily basis] that you are the one who is childish.

I do not rely on my parents to do things for me. They don't live near me but when we are around they get away with whatever they want.

You need to leave her be, get busy, and possibly move out. It sounds like you are living with her. Grow up and leave her alone then you wouldn't have to worry about it. Beggars must not be choosers.

EDIT--LOL. She's childish? Look at you. You are having a hissy fit because someone pointed out that you rely too much on her. "She picks out the kid's clothes DAILY." Then MOVE!

Answer 10

don't u have ur own place?
if not then move out and don't let her with ur son, she is very immature.
u don't wake up a baby to give him a bath