My fiance's family has this tradition where you use the kids from within the family to fill the role of ring bearer and flower girl. The only little girl in both of our famalies who was the appropriate age just kind of assumed she was going to be asked, as did her parents. My fiance and I agree we would prefer to use my friend's daughter as our flower girl. We only want one flower girl and we have chosen her. What would be a tactful way of breaking the news to this niece and her family, especially since we are going against an established tradition in his family?
Just a repeat, we do not want to have two flower girls, we want to use my friend's daughter and there will be no role for his niece in our wedding.
Thanks!
2007-06-04 06:22:18 · 39 answers · asked by papakose777 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
who's wedding is this yours or theirs. Stick to your guns and if they don't like then too bad.
2007-06-04 07:02:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 9⤋
Going against tradition can be a risky thing to do....I dont see why you just dont have two flower girls, even if you dont want to. It will make that little girl and his family happy, and you guys get to have your friend's daughter too. Is there some deeper reason why you dont want her in the wedding? Honestly... IMO I dont think it's a huge deal to have 2 flower girls and I think you are being a bit silly here but if its really that big a deal having two flowers girls then give her another role.... I like the guest book idea if she's old enough to do that....I also like the idea of her handing out bubbles or rice to the guests to throw at you.....I'm a bride too...so dont take me the wrong way...just dont come off as a bridezilla to the new family...it's not the best impression to make. Please...fit her in somehow...you know in your heart or hearts its the right thing to do.
2007-06-04 07:55:56 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
make up a different role that makes her feel included. You can ask her to help with something else either wedding or reception-related. No matter what you do or say, she will be upset and disappointed.
If it were me, I'd just go ahead and have the two flower girls. Honestly it can't mess up anything terribly unless you're just anal about details.
At my wedding I wanted to include both my daughter and my niece as well as my new son. I made my daughter and new son (1 yr apart in age, 9 and 10 respectively) one of our bridesmaids and groomsmen and then let my 5 yr old niece play the part of flower girl.
Contrary to what you may think, the wedding is not all about you. The wedding is a chance for all of your loved ones to participate in your union. Your MARRIAGE is what's all about you two.
2007-06-04 06:32:38 · answer #3 · answered by jhvnmt 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have to say that there are some children that should never be in weddings (or invited) because of their behavior - which usually reflects on the parents lack of discipline. Having said that, I agree with the answer that you should find a job for the child - like the pen hander outer - and include a flower girl type matching outfit for the child's family to order to feel included. It is your wedding but don't lose track of the bigger picture that his family is becoming your family.
2007-06-04 08:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by paraperson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you absolutely don't want to include her then I would just go about planning and not mention anything. Let them ask you about it and THEN tell them, "I'm so sorry, but I've already asked ___ to be the flower girl." And leave it at that. I would ONLY bring it up in advance/first if you think they're already buying a dress for her...which would be extremely presumptuous and probably not the case. If they bring up "tradition" then just politely say, "I understand, however, she is a dear friend and we don't necessarily have those traditions in my family. I'm sorry if there was miscommunication." Or something like that. Honestly, I would try and find a place for her...junior bridesmaid? Can she read? Would she read a short poem maybe at the reception to start it off? Just something to make her feel special. Good luck!
2007-06-04 06:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by emrobs 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Oh my gosh, I feel for you. I got married 9 months ago, and that would be so awkward. Shame on this girl's parents for assuming and letting her assume she has a part in the wedding without you asking her. No one has the right to assume they have any special place in you and your husband's special day. This is your day, and every bride has someone that she disappoints by not picking them for this or that. They will get over it.
However, since the parents of this girl so lovingly let her assume she'd be a part of the wedding, I would have the parents (who kind of caused the problem in the first place) break the news to her.
However, if you are looking for candlelighters, people to sit at the guestbook table, or anything else she might be able to do, you can offer her that. Just remember, this is not her wedding or her parents' wedding, this is your wedding. Make it your dream wedding, rather than catering to what everyone else wants it to be.
2007-06-04 08:00:23 · answer #6 · answered by Kirky 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Obviously, you can have whomever you chooses as a part of your wedding, but at the end of the day, YOU will be the one coming off as the jerk in it all, and this is the kind of thing that cause a family to dislike the new in-law right from the get go...and that's usually something very hard to overcome. Again, you pick whomever you choose, but be aware of what you're getting yourself into here. At the end of the day, your friend will understand, while his family probably won't...you've got to pick your battles, and this is so piddly, it hardly seems worth it to dig in your heels over a flower girl, for heaven's sakes. Good luck!
2007-06-04 06:59:24 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your not going to like me... Personally I do not consider this poetry at all, and no not for some silly reason like it doesnt rhyme et cetc... I dont consider it so because of its lack of Hitting points.... You seperate it like a poem but maybe you should consider running more of it together and going for a Jack Kerouac book.... and no Im not comparing lol just suggesting a presentational change that might help..... I would also consider finding your hitting points and emphasising them more it will make it more readable and much more emotional for the reader.... right now u are writing you for you not the reader.... in other words you know what its saying and all that so your just putting it all down but the reader will be confused
2016-04-01 01:43:22 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, you want to let her down gently now?? I find that hard to beleive as your last question regarding this called her 'fat' and 'ugly' and that she 'looks like a troll'.
Why ruin tradition and incorporate someone not even in your family just because she looks more appropriate!!
You are an incredibly vain and self centered women, I am disgusted that you would not let YOUR yes YOUR because you and fiancee will be married, niece take part in your wedding day just because she doesnt fit your perfect little mold.
Before any of ya'll give me a thumbs down, read her past question "do I really have to have my fiancee's niece in my wedding"
2007-06-04 08:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by Katie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally am in the same predicament. I don't want two but to keep peace in the family i am having 2. There is only one ring bearer for 2 flower girls. If you absolutely don't want to include her invite her to go shopping with yall so she will not feel so left out. Good luck!!
2007-06-04 06:32:05 · answer #10 · answered by Christina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a tough one! I know that it's YOUR day, but is there some small role that you could find for her to save breaking her little heart? Even if it's a behind the scene kind of thing. I am sure the family would appreciate the gesture.
2007-06-04 06:52:33 · answer #11 · answered by WildChild 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋