the household chores. I am 25 so there is a big age/maturity difference. My mom is widowed. We lost our father two years ago and its been hard to keep up...She is 20 & apparently knows everything..How do I tell her or show her that its important to help out???
2007-06-04 05:48:23 · 10 answers · asked by raisin4362001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Make a list for each of you listing the chores that each of you is responsible for. You do yours and theoretically she's supposed to do hers. If she doesn't then SHE'S the one that will be in trouble with your mom.
Also, talk to your mom. At 20, your mother is under ZERO obligation to keep that lazy leech under her roof, so if she doesn't straighten up, she's on the street. Your mother has the right (and the responsibility) to do this.
I've been on my own since I was 17, so age versus maturity is NOT a factor.
Your sister is going to be immature and irresponsible until such time as she is FORCED to care for herself. If your mother lets her get away with this garbage, then its not your problem...the fault lies with Mom & Sis.
Worst case scenario, you get sick of it, YOU move out and let them to each other. Life sucks, but sometimes for your OWN mental health its better to just remove yourself from the toxic environment.
2007-06-04 05:57:17 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I"m not going to win points with this one - but it needs to be said.
I"m going to urge you to go to a good therapist so you can learn how to let go of this need to be in charge of everyone's life.
See, it sounds like there's more than just lazy sister here. If you're 25, your mother, while widowed, is probably only in her early 50's - which is hardly aged. And unless she has some kind of seroius illness herself - hardly infirm. Why isn't she working and getting her life back together for herself - without your mothering. But you step in and take over everything - so why should she try to heal after the loss of your dad?
And Sister - well, she's got it made. A doting mummy to fuss over her - and a willing slave to do her laundry etc. Why should she go out of her way to help you?
And you. At 25, you should be on your own too - making your way in the world and beginning your career, possible marriage and children. You can't do that tied to mummy's apron strings.
I urge you to get an outside job and your own place - not too far from your family - but far enough away to be inconvenient. You'll feel better about yourself - and Mummy and Sis will be in a position to sort out their own lives as well.
No, this is not disloyal behavior - it's you taking control of your own life - and ending your attempts at controlling others.
I know you hurt. And we all know that you can't bring back your DAd - but you can't beat yourself up over this any more.
2007-06-04 06:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you have to do, but don't do everything for her. Leave the chores go for a few days. If possible, take a vacation for yourself and your mom. Let her learn what it is like to fend for herself.
If she wants to live at home, she's got to learn to pull her own weight to reap the benefits. No help, no benefits. Let's hope she has a job. If not, tell her to get one, and start paying room and board, if she's not helping out around the house. Your home is not a hotel. Actually, it's your mother's place to set your sister straight. Get her to talk to your sister.
I was the youngest, and got asked to do a lot more than more older siblings. At least I knew I was trusted to do something without whining about it. Parents appreciate the help. Your sister should grow up and learn that.
Just a suggestion, let us know how it works out for you.
2007-06-04 06:01:07 · answer #3 · answered by canuckiepen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try sitting everyone in th house down and saying that you feel not everyone is pulling their weight around the house. Dont point out your sister cuz she'll only get defensive and wont want to help even more. Make a chart of what everyone should do around the house every week and then alternate jobs every so often.
2007-06-04 05:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like its time for a family meeting. You are ALL adults and need to address the situation as such. She should help out more. As 3 adults, duties should be shared. Are any of you helping pay mortgage/rent?, paying for food?, etc. All these things need to be addressed, cause if the 20yrold is not working and just sitting around, she should have majority of housework to compensate for lack of financial support. And, as all are adults, if the situation remains frustrating on your part after talking about together, maybe you should find another living situation for yourself...sometimes its better to leave the nest.
2007-06-04 05:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by ndngrlz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, what if you don't do the chores you used to? i mean the chores that concern her as well like washing 'her' dishes and 'clothes' etc
or maybe talk to her about learning to do her share of household chores. make some arrangements and say that you won't do everything in the house alone. i mean, she's your sister..she should help.
2007-06-04 05:56:06 · answer #6 · answered by Loly Pop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing all the chores. Since your sister knows so much, let her prove that she knows how to do chores too.
2007-06-04 06:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try to talk to her, but she just sounds lazy and selfish. Just pride yourself for who you are and know that you're a better person. You'll go alot farther in life than she will.
2007-06-04 05:52:53 · answer #8 · answered by Luv2RIDE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you and mom stop doing her laundry and she has no clean clothes to wear she might get the hint.
2007-06-04 05:55:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't do her dishes, or laundry. maybe she'll get the hint.
2007-06-04 06:02:55 · answer #10 · answered by ducky doo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋