i disagree with my boyfriend on something i'm very opposed to, what do i do?

Question

at my highschool, the only form of release time offered to freshman and sophomore students is release time to go to mormon seminary off campus. I feel that this is wrong, for many reasons, particularly because it is unfair to other students, and the same opportunities are not being offered for other religions and because the church should not be allowed to offer classes through the school. My boyfriend is mormon, and when it was just us talking, he said he was impartial to the class being banned, but as soon as we were talking in a group with one of my mormon friends he was fighting me on it. I'm not asking who is right, but i want to know why my bf did this, and why, now, after we've finished our group discussion, he's back to saying he's impartial.

Answer 1

One of two possibilities.

1) What he is saying in public is the truth and he only tells you in private what he thinks you want to hear.

2) What he is saying in private is the truth, but in public he tells the group what he thinks they want to hear.

He is trying to appeal to everyone and is appealing to no one.

Answer 2

Many teen agers will say or do things to go along with the group and then when it's just one on one, they will say waht they think the other person wants to hear.

Seminary classes are not offered by the school, but by the church. Here in Ohio and in most other states, seminary students must attend classes early in the morning, before school. My kids had to go from 6 to 6:45 a.m. And many have to drive long distances.

I'm sure that if your church offered similar classes, the school would allow release time.

Answer 3

You will find that some people can have a very difficult time voicing their opinion against a group. When a group happens to be a person's religion, it can be exceedingly difficult. Following the popular opinion of a group is what makes you popular is most groups. I see two major issues here:

1. Your religious differences are too great for your relationship to survive.

2. This guy is a different person with you than he is with his "Mormon" group.

If he can't be the same person with you that he is with his other friends, then what good is he as a boyfriend? How can you rely on him?

Answer 4

Well it is important for you to date people who share your values and beliefs.

Here are a few things to think about:

LDS (mormon) Seminary is not open only to LDS students. I believe anybody who would like to can enroll, as long as they understand, that they will be taught LDS doctrine and values. You would have to adhere to LDS values while at seminary (ie.. no swearing- including using the Lords name in vain, no coffee in class, etc...)

I am not sure where you live, but most places that allow released time for LDS Seminary, will allow it for any religion's seminary. I know of a school in Utah that has an LDS Seminary and a Lutheran Seminary and released time are allowed for both. The LDS church just happens to be the one with an active Seminary program for high school students. So most times, they are the only ones with a released time seminary class offered.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend needs to figure out what he really believes and stand for it. The fact that he has different opinions when he is with different people tells me that he is not to sure of what he believes, or that he is allowing himself to be swayed by the crowd. I would not want to date someone who does not stand for their beliefs and values.

I would recommend that you find someone who is sure of what they believe and willing to stand for it. Also you should date people with similar values and goals. If you are smart, you will come to realize that love is not enough, you also need a foundation of similar beliefs and goals. Start now to define what you want out of a man and don't settle for less than that. You can form some really bad dating habits now or you can form good ones, that will help you end up with a great guy when you are an adult.

EDIT***
Released time Seminary is NOT unconstitutional. The way it works is that students are released from school for a class period each day. Most of those kids go to Seminary and it is off campus. The parents of the students have to sign a release form for the students to leave campus for that class period. The grade a student receives in their seminary class has absolutely no bearing on their school grade. In fact they don't even have to go to seminary. They could leave school and go any place their parents authorize them to go to. It is like a field trip, only everyday. On a field trip, mom and dad sign a permission slip for the child to leave the school campus and go to the Zoo or wherever. The difference is that Seminary releases the student out of the care of the school and it is an ongoing thing. I don't see how this violates any body's religious freedoms, since most places will allow released time for any religion- and only those who choose to are allowed to participate. The school does not require students to take a released time religious class. There is absolutely NO constitutional violation in this practice. As this has been going on for decades, I doubt the ACLU could even touch it.

Answer 5

Wow you got a tough one on your hands religion and relationship, Well here is what I say to you. First your boyfriend is doing what he "thinks" guys are supposed to do (agree with there girl friends) at that age most males dont know how to have a real discussion or smart enough to hedge the fence at all times. I understand how this must make you feel becuase you are having a debate and you feel like you can rely on him to back you up and then he turns around and acts like your nuts and then flips back again. you should talk to him and tell him its ok for him not to agree with you or have a diffrent opinion then you have. Religion in a relationship can sometimes be a tricky business So use some tact when your discussing things couples are not going to always agree and you two have to understand that. As to why he turned on you like that could be a lot of reasons could have belived what he was saying could have been peer pressure could have been a lot of things. but in stead of making all the reasons up yourself the easiest way is to ask him talk to him make sure hes not afraid to speak to you on the deeper isssues. hope this helps

Answer 6

If your boyfriend is impartial then he can see that you have some valid points. I think you should give him credit for being open-minded about it. The fact that he defended the Mormon point of view when you attacked his Mormon friends shows that he can also understand the Mormon point of view.

I'm not sure you are worthy to be called the girlfriend of this great young man.

Answer 7

His reason is peer pressure, and he doesn't want to look unacceptable to his friends, but yet he doesn't want to look bad to you either (he's not doing too well on this is he?)

I'm surprised that your school will not allow release time for other churches. That's illegal to discriminate, especially if the other churches have completed the proper paperwork.

Federal law allows a short time each month for religious instruction. And so, a school is required to allow a student that religious freedom. In Michigan, released time Bible class is allowed for 1 hour per month including travel time, so it's less time than most students lose in going to a dentist or medical appointment.

Answer 8

If it goes against your convictions, what you know is right....why would you do it? Better yet, why would you align yourself with a boyfriend/husband who is a mormon " if " that is not what you believe? In this day and age people are pros at telling you what you want to hear when it benefits them. But only you can determine if that person is a fraud. If you listen long enough to the way a person talks then their true character will show up.

Answer 9

The mormon religon is a group of very tight knit people and your bf probably felt the need to be more passionate about the issue to protect his reputation with the other mormon friend. You should talk to your bf and tell him how this made you feel. Good Luck!

Answer 10

cause he's confused. men get on my nerves when they change because they want to impress someone else. i think that someone else shouldnt have an effect on his behavior around u. but he probably isnt sure about what he wants. he probably wants to fit in w/u and the mormon community. he needs to know that he should be himself all the time. i personally would dump him just because teenage guys are insecure for the mostpart. and if ur not ready to deal w/ him growing and figureing things out (like his little guinea pig) then dump him. us teens are looking for approval constantly so if u dont want to dump him just tell him u want him to be real all the time with everyone. if u dont like who he turns out to be tell him ur just not for each other. dont let him think he should ever change to make others happy. sometimes u have to accept that u cant have a perfect relationship w/ everyone u meet.
plus disagreeing on religion is very hard to work out in relationships.because everyone is religious; religion is a part of how u live and ur life and u really cant truly seperate it from any part of ur life.

Answer 11

He's obviously afraid of being persecuted by his religious peers. He doesn't have the backbone to stand up for what he believes is right. OR.... he tells you what you want to hear in private so he can get some, but that's really not what he believes. Either way, you should dump him. He's a wimp, and a liar.