My heart is broken. My boyfriend and best friend of 10 years have decided to take a break. How will I ever heal from losing a boyfriend and my best friend. Anytime anything happens both good or bad in my life he is the first person I want to run to and talk to. Would if I never get over it? I want to have a life and I want to be happy again but the pain I feel just completely wears me down and all I do is cry, even at my desk at work. My life seems so hopeless without him. How could he just leave me so easily after our long history. He doesn't want us to see other people he just needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life. Why doesn't he want to figure things out with me by his side. We used to be so happy, how could he just risk it by taking a break. I really appreciate any advice that can be offered. Especially from those who have been through a similar situation.
2007-06-04 04:49:35 · 18 answers · asked by Lily 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am doing the same thing right now...We only had 5 years...We were engaged to be married etc.
I truly love her..still. She on the other hand did not..ever. I thought she did, but I believe true love doesn't end, ever. Kind of like the stars in the sky..It doesn't matter what happens here on earth, they will always be there shining whether or not anyone is there to see.
True love is the same. I think the hardest part for me is to accept that she never truly loved me. She said her love "died". There was no incident or any "cause". She just said her love changed. I now know in my heart that she never really had what I had. As a result I have cried enough to float a canoe.
I started keeping a journal, since I had no one to share my feelings with. I don't know why, just to write down my thoughts was my way of dealing with it all. Like you, I lost my best friend. Also like you, nothing seemed real unless she knew about it. (you know what I mean). Try a journal.
It has been six months..the pain is a little less. I still can't date anyone, (I am a little shy). I still cry. I miss her. I am still sad.
If he is telling you not to see anyone, that is unfair. You should see someone. You deserve someone to give you attention. Shame on him. He is probably in touch with someone else already, and is giving your attention to someone else.
I wish I had something to say to help you. Other than you are not alone. Maybe we should start some sort of broken heart club..
Stand tall.
2007-06-04 05:10:02 · answer #1 · answered by Peter 4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always date my best friends and nothing hurts more than losing both (boyfriend and best friend) at the same time. It feels like you're more alone than you've ever been and that you'll never be happy again.
If he's taking a break and you really seriously want him back, you need to make it seem like he does not have full power in deciding if you get him of not. By this, I mean keep busy. Catch up with other friends. Call him as little as possible and give him that 'space' he says he needs to figure things out. I've learned that males usually want what they think they might not get to have, so if you make it look like you're content without him, he'll more likely want you back.
So my advice to you is to try to make the best of the situation, catch up with friends, try new things, or even try to figure out your life a little bit. You might be surprised.
All the best,
Kristen
2007-06-04 05:03:00 · answer #2 · answered by Stargaze2509 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first let me start by saying I'm sorry you are going thru this and alone at that my heart goes out to you as I have been in a similar situation and still going thru it today, but giving him the space is the best thing you can give him right now no matter how much it hurts you and I know it does, and give him how ever long it may take, whatever you do don't be to pushy to get bact together as this may be your instinct to do so fight it with all you have if you don't you just may end up pushing him away for good, don't keep asking him why or if he's ready to be together again for the same reasons if you really are in love with him you will do this because above all else you would want him to be happy even if not with you, if it was meant to be he will be back trust me when i say i wish i could make it better for you and give you a postivie answer and outlook on this but I can't but I really do know what you are going thru and i know how much it hurts espcially since it was so long of a realationship, but hang in there because if it is meant to be it's worth the wait good luck and if you need to talk I'm here hope it all works out for you
2007-06-04 04:58:37 · answer #3 · answered by sassysandyinmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can completely ever heal from this. If you do decide to move on, you will always have a place in your heart for him. Only time can heal this. If he said he wanted to be apart and needs time to think he probably wants to make sure if you are the one. I think he wants to test the water and try other fish in the sea before he takes the next step with you. Otherwise you guys are having problems that I might not know of. I just so happen to marry my wife who was my ex, we got back together after 8 years apart. It's working great now. Been married 3 years and just had our first child. If it is meant to be, it will come back to you. Things work out funny that way. Good luck. ....
2007-06-04 05:04:24 · answer #4 · answered by Jamezy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to give him what he wants---and that is to give him his space. I know it seems hard to be away from the people you love; but if this is what he wants you need to respect that for the time being. He will love you more in the end for listening to him.
As for what to do with yourself, take this opportunity (since you're just taking a break but not seeing other people) to go see the friends and family members that you have not gotten to see as much in the past ten years since you have been with your boyfriend.
Take up a class you had been eying, (IE: painting, photography, ect.) go do something you always wanted to do (Like sky-diving or trip across the US. with the girlfriends) All the things you put off to spend quality time with him, but can do now since you have the chance to!
Go out and have fun doing all the things you did before you and your boyfriend got together...the less time you spend thinking about how much fun he's having or all the fun you USED to have with him, will only make the time apart from him miserable for you! He probably just needs to assure himself that his life is going the way he wants it to...some people think that they're missing out on things while in a constant relationship, only to find out everything in the relationship was everything they wanted! He'll be back in no time, but in the mean time, have fun!
2007-06-04 05:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by Valerie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went through the exact same thing and asked the same questions that you are asking. People don't make these decisions overnight hes probably been thinking about this for awhile and may have already met someone new, mine did although I didn't find that out until later. People should really been open and honest with each other but when they have doubts they usually keep them to themselves and let them build up until they can rationalize walking away. You need to give him some space and if its meant to be then he will be back. For now I think it would be healthy to try and move on. Your happiness shouldn't be linked to just one person just remember that you are a complete person by yourself the sooner you realize that the better.
2007-06-04 04:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by Stubs985 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow sweetie calm down!
you know I asked for a break because i needed to figure things out in my life too but i never stopped loving my boyfriend and now we're back (the break ended a year ago) and happier than before
do realize two things: one , that it's important for a person to know himself and what he wants out of life in order to be happy and for some people it doesn't come naturally we have to sit down and think! if he doesn't do this right now, his distisfaction can really effect and harm you guys's relationship and trust me you don't want that!
this does not mean he doesn't want you or that you don't make him happy this means he can't make HIMSELF happy! and he should get there again, don't rush or doubt him, keep the love and trust and show him you care
the second thing you need to understand has to do with nature and psychology people fit into two groups and your boyfriend might be the second one see some people need constant contact and attention to grow their love or be happy (first group) and some need space to do the same! and when teo opposite groups meet and fall in love they often have this problem you or me and my boyfriend were having!
you need to understand that he's also a guy and guys like to have their space at least once in a while don't judge anything and don't rush! if he wanted a break up he would have asked for a BREAK UP not a break!
:) you're worrying for no reason, do communicate with him about your worries and ask him what exactly it is.. is it because he's cold and feels no love or is it because he just simply needs to find himself again
good luck to you
don't torture yourself, it might be nothingat all :)
PS: if you felt like you wante dto talk (anytime) you can email me :)
2007-06-04 05:06:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweets, you are a soldier. Stay strong. Allow yourself to cry and get it all out, but also know that life will continue. You were alive way before you met him right? That means you will be alive after him. I know it hurts. It will hurt for a while, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. Take time to heal and to cry. Know this: for someone that loved you so, he caused you all this pain and hardship pretty easily. Do you really need that in your life? Remember this phrase..... "Once, shame on you. Twice, shame on me." I know you used to be happy, but people change. Men change. If he fell out, let him go before you hurt yourself more. Don't try to change him or the way he feels. Trying to change a man is just like trying to drive a parked car. No matter how much work you do, you're don't get anywhere with it. It's his loss babe. You seem like a kind soul. Take this time to mourn what's been lost, and stay away from rebounds! Rebounds are salt in the wounds, know what I mean? If you don't feel like going out, then don't. Do what's best for you. And ONLY what's best for you in this time. Soul-search, figure out your life, and have hope. Because love comes again my dear. I don't even know you but you have my promise on this one....love comes again. But, it will come when you're not looking. So focus on you and your life and Mr. Heartbreaker can just kiss your ***!
2007-06-04 05:04:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks. I think he may be trying to break up with you. The fact that he doesn't want to see other people is confusing though. But you should push him to make a firm decision. Tell him you are trying to figure out what you want to do with your life too, and whether he is going to be part of it or not. Tell him you don't have time to wait for him to make up his mind (because it takes time to find someone else and you need to start looking), and that he's had plenty of time to figure it all out in ten years of knowing you. Ask him if he thinks you've done something wrong, etc. Whatever he says, try not to get angry at him. Good luck!
2007-06-04 05:04:59 · answer #9 · answered by anonymous 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he needs time alone. You need to respect that for a time. Since neither of you is seeing other people, try to spend time with friends and family. You are understandably depressed for now. After he has ample time, you will need to discuss at least keeping your friendship going. He may realize that he is unhappy without you and things will work out. I've been there and though it didn't turn out the way I had hoped, I found someone even more special 2 years later.
2007-06-04 04:59:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋