I met this really nice girl a month ago and we've been talking alot. We haven't been out on a date yet, but she's really sweet. Although I'm thinking of ending it today because she already has two children. I'm just not ready to take on such a responsiblity, and it was cool at first. Although now she's talking about bringing her kids around me when she comes to visit my apartment. I'm a struggle college student and I plan to go to grad school soon after I get may B.A. There's also the fact that my real parents never rised me, so I told myself when I have kids I'll be there for them always unless I'm dead. I still have school to finish and a career to start before I want a family. So is it wrong for me to end before we get serious?
2007-06-04 04:29:06 · 49 answers · asked by Vesdog! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, that is very good that you can think like an adult already. I am very proud of you and you probably have a good head on your shoulders. I believe that is the right thing to do. You are so young and responsible to know that you have your life and career ahead of you. Let her know how you feel and that it's not the right time for you. Good luck.
2007-06-04 04:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Jamezy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't really care for her then yes there is nothing wrong in ending it before it gets serious, however if you think there may be some small chance it may work between you then you need to hang on with all you got she can't help her past any more than you can't help yours just because she has two kids don't mean she's just looking for a new daddy for them they are a part of her and who she is now and espcially since your real parents were not in your life you should be the one to really understand don't push her away because of the kids because she just very well could be the very best thing, the kids too, that ever happened in your life nobody has said at this point that you would have to give up school or your career take it slow and see what happens it takes understanding and patience to date someone with a ready made family, are you the guy for that job, if not end it. if so hold on to them
2007-06-04 04:42:05 · answer #2 · answered by sassysandyinmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion...you're doing everything right! I know some others might think otherwise...but I would do the same thing in your case. I would say...finish your own goals and start your own life, don't jump right into parenthood at your age. (Assuming that you're in your 20's since your still an undergrad). Maybe you can still be there for her, but don't take the relationship to the next level until you feel it's worth it for the long run. Sure the kids need a dad, but that doesn't have to be you until YOU'RE ready. College is stressful enough and you don't need anymore complicating factors at the moment. End it on a positive note and you will be alright. Best of luck to you and may you do well in Grad school!!! Don't give up on your own dreams just yet...it's too early!
Cheers!
Thistle
2007-06-04 04:37:38 · answer #3 · answered by Scottish Thistle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the first question I have to ask is, has she asked you to support, watch and take care of her kids? If the answer is no to the three, then her having her children around should not be an issue. You need to assess if having anything with this woman or anyone for that matter is what you really need right now. Struggling as a student many people can relate to even as parents we want our young adults to focus on school and get through the process with no hinderance. However, the social part of you want to be out there seeking a relationship, etc. I think you should just view the situation for what it is. I think it was a nice gesture for her to ask you to see her with her kids and perhaps for her to see how you would measure up being with them too. If she's not asking you to take on a whole load of responsibilities with them, then date the woman and see how things pan out. Good luck!!!
2007-06-04 04:38:54 · answer #4 · answered by Leona 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just the wrong time with the wrong person. Your answer is in your question, you are not ready for such a huge responsibility when you have not finished studying yet and are struggling!!
You would only be a jerk if you keep leading her on or break up in a rude way. Tell her nicely all what you said here and bid her farewell!!
2007-06-04 04:33:16 · answer #5 · answered by piano19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong. My parents always encouraged me to meet someone "on a level playing field" as me....they meant that I should seek someone who has the same ethics, education and personal life. I thought they were being jerks. I was like, "how can you judge a person superficially like that?".
They were right. I dated a guy with kids before and it was awkward for me. I don't have any children and I was NOT ready to be placed in that situation.
If you feel in your heart that this is best, then it probably is. I'm not saying that it never works out, but if you feel this way in your gut, you're okay to end it.
2007-06-04 04:34:47 · answer #6 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant help how you feel. If you feel you wont be able to handle it then you need to end it before you get attached to her kids or her kids get attached to you. Your not being a jerk. Some people are meant to go into ready made familys and some arent. You arent a bad person. But dont prolong it any further because everyone will end up getting hurt alot more. Good Luck!!
2007-06-04 04:32:11 · answer #7 · answered by itscrystal21 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, not if you dont want to commit. Some people, including college students, arent ready for a big responsibility. Tell her staight out that she is very nice and that you like her but you cant see this going anywhere because you dont want that big of a commitment right now. If she doesnt understand this she was the wrong person for you anyways
2007-06-04 04:34:51 · answer #8 · answered by Severus Snape 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youy have your head on straight. She may be a very nice person , but at this point in your life, the last thing you need is a ready made family. Be honest with her. Just tell her you have self goals to meet before you can consider a relationship with anyone.
2007-06-04 04:35:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids can be a really big responsibility and can really limit you in going out with your new woman and you are still young. If you wants kids it could get very expensive, however they can be a real blessing and it might be worth at least one date because you said she was really sweet. I commend you for worrying about getting serious before you know exactly what you want.
2007-06-04 04:36:51 · answer #10 · answered by david 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋