How can others share a burden when the burden is a dead family?

Question

I lost my wife last August to cancer.

I lost my only child on Friday.

The only way to ease that burden is to bring them back to life, or to throw myself into starting a new family when I know it is very unlikely I'll live long enough to see a child reach adulthood.

No one here is in a position to help ease that burden.

Words of sympathy are touching. It helps a little to know so many find this a tragedy.

But they have lives filled with others and it is not long before they are joyful again.

That is not what it is for me ...

I am in an empty, silent house I once called "home".

I can distract myself for a while, but I always come back to this reality where my family and dreams for the future are dead.

I've believed in Love all my life, and I am alone in an empty house.

It is not clear that this is a burden I alone must bear?

Answer 1

When my father-in-law recently died, my husband and I and his other siblings learned a great deal about just how limited we are in sharing that kind of burden. We "hovered" around my mother-in-law so much that one day she just told us, in essence --

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but for one thing, I'm not made of glass; for another, as much as you're trying to help me get through this, you are not here in the middle of the night when I wake up alone. You're not here in the morning when the only one I have to make breakfast for is myself. Nor do I think you should be. Your company is nice, but the longer you hover and fuss over me, the longer it's going to take me to learn how to carry this alone."

Properly chastised we were. She was right.

I think it must take a great deal of courage, regardless of one's religious beliefs or lack of them, to carry on in the face of grief like this. I suppose some day I will find out first-hand.

Orion, I was among those who encouraged you to allow those you love to share your burden. Again, I am properly corrected (slow learner?). What I truly meant to say was that it saddens me that you must carry it at all.

Answer 2

This is so sweet. My husband is in prison this Christmas and there is another lady at my church who's husband will be in prison as well. I have 2 kids and she has 4, the poor thing. We know each others sorrows in a way that other people can't. But we also hold tight to God's Word that He will use these things to work for the good. Grief is a terrible thing, but it's awesome when you have another brother or sister there to lean on while you are going through hard times. God never promised us that we would never have any problems. But He did say we would never have to go through any of it alone! God Bless you & I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Answer 3

This is the poem that was written in memory of a lost family member. Hope it will help to bring you some peace.

God looked around His garden and He found an empty place, He then looked down upon this earth, and saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you and lifted you to rest, Gods garden must be beautiful. He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering, He knew that you were in pain.
He knew that you would never get well on earth again.
He saw that the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb.
So He closed your weary eyelids and whispered "Peace be thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you but you didn't go alone.
For part of us went with you the day God called you home.

My prayers are with you that you may find peace in the midst of your loss and grief.

Answer 4

Yes, Orion it is a sad burden that only you can bear. But one good thought to help comfort you , is to know that all of us, share at knowing how much you are grieving and feel so alone. We want you to know that our feelings and hearts go out to you in this horrible time of loss. You are in a dark, deep valley of grief. Been there and done that. Only when the time is right for you, will you look up and see the light. The comfort that helped me, was knowing there is no suffering where your Loved ones are. They are at Peace and no Suffering. Only when our choosen time comes , can we join our Loved ones. Until then, we must trod on. When we're born, the only thing we have to do , is die. Our days are numbered and until our number comes up, we got to aim for goodness, happiness, and finish our walk upon this Earth. So try to walk on and make everyday the best you can. Probably help other needy people, like I choose to do. Help the needy Children. God will carry you , through your time of sorrow. He carried me. God bless you, Always !!

Answer 5

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

The Lord knows the pain you are in. He has His reasons for taking your wife and child with Him. But the Lord can also fill that void in your heart if you turn to Him and ask Him to.

I leaned a long time ago, that after I placed God first in my life, I stopped loosing my family members the way I was.My Grandmother when I was 17, My Dad when I was 24, My sister when I was 30, and she was 33 and died of cancer.

I am now 49 and I have since lost my Mother 2 years ago, and my aunt and cousin, but they lived a full life and it was their time to go. God wants us to prepare ourselves for the time He calls us home. We must choose which place we want to call home. Heaven or hell.

Your pain is very real, and fresh. And part of healing is the pain. Turn it all over to the Lord. I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 6

We can't bring them back or understand your grief. There are no words that will make it better.

What we can do is listen when you want to talk, be a support in any way you you request.

It is a burden you will have to bare and no one can do that for you, we can come along side of you to encourage you to keep going.

Take one day at a time, if that's to much then one hour, if that's to much one minute, and then the next. It will be a long time before it gets easier.

I don't sugar coat things. I look at reality.
I want you to know that I am one who will listen.
this is me giving you a hug. <{hug}>

Answer 7

The devil comes to kill, steal and destroy.....I do not believe that what has happened to you is from God. I do however, want to say to you that I feel so badly for you and your feelings of emptiness--but please do not despair--remember that life here is but a blinking of the eye--as hard as it is, please do not give up on God--you will be reunited with your loved ones one day--just try to be the best soldier you can be --especially now--Pray a lot for God to reveal to you things you do not understand with your human heart. Do not stop believing in Love--for God is Love--
If I could I would take you into my arms and comfort you--hug you--and tell you that it will be alright--for I am a christian woman and I feel for you. If you can try to concentrate on what you can do for others--I know that sounds unbelieveable--but if you can maybe try to do for others at this time--I believe it will help you to ease your burden and remember there will come a time when you, too must meet your maker--you must prepare for that time. You seem to be a good man! Stay that way--do not give up! Just pray and don't give up! The enemy who comes to kill, steal and destroy--would love that! I will be praying for you--Cast your burden upon God--he asks you to do that! He will take care of things and see you through this!

Answer 8

Sharing your thoughts and feelings with those who care, will ease your burdens Orion.

but ofcourse, this is your family my friend, no one here knows them better than you

but this is a time when other people in the family like relatives, aunts, cousins, should come together and give you their support. if not that, a best friend should.

please try not to stay all alone for long periods of time

even if that means crying your heart out to your friends, keep them nearby

this is a time of support

many warm wishes to you

Answer 9

What can I say! What can anyone say! I don't really know how you feel, because I would have to be in the same place as you to know that. But I do know that what you are going through is BAD! Just about as bad as it can get! If I had to say something, then it be be to tell you that you are going to be in hell for quite a while, but then you will start to emerge, You will come out of it. For you, I wish that time flies by.

Answer 10

It's alright to grieve. You have lost much, Have you tried writing down your thought of you loved ones? Memories bring more memories and can bring you to full understanding of what has happened. Love never dies--it changes form--seek and ye shall find--knock and it shall be opened .You have experienced Gods love through people. Memories will live forever.