My mom has lived on her own since I left home and got married four years ago. My wife, was racially attacked by my sister and my other sister and brother sided with her. Whatever the provacation, the result has been we don't discuss my brother and sisters - not really an issue since they were'nt that close to me.
My mom has been lonely, and I have tried to give her support, but being married it is difficult, and having a busy job as well. Poor statement maybe, but the point is my sisters and brother, after years of shunning my mom, anre helping her out.
Part of it is so they can slag me off, which I don't care about, but now, my wife does'nt want anything much to do with my mom because she feels she (my mom) has sided with them. My wife feels angry which I understand, but kinda resents any time I spend with my mom. My wife is always first for me so I don't understand it.
I feel less pressure if the other family members visit - fine, but how do you deal with being in the crossfire?
2007-06-04 01:58:32 · 8 answers · asked by jonoxk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That's a tough one, sweetie. For a lot of men, whatever the problem, having to balance wife and mother is difficult.
Your love and loyalty is to your wife, but your heart also wants to keep in touch with your mum. It is understandable that your wife feels this way, but she has to realise that you love your mum and want to stay close to her. Just because the other siblings are on the scene again, doesn't mean your mum has chosen sides. Is there any way you can get your wife and mum together, so they can both reassure each other that nothing has changed in their relationship? Your wife needs to feel that your mum is still supporting you both, and that way, no matter what the other family members do, she and you can still feel close to your mum.
Good luck. Families can be a nightmare, can't they? Mine are like squabbling children at the moment. My Mum is caught in the middle.
xx
2007-06-04 02:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pick a day where you are not that busy and spend a day with your mother and wife and let them both talk it out. Try to spend more time with both wife and mother together so the angriness can disappear from your wife.
2007-06-04 02:43:42 · answer #2 · answered by jamaicaladydread 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have always been in the cross fire think it is has I am the middle one.I have never got on with my brothers & sisters & stay away from them.Last year my mam died so I had to be with them however it did not last long.They failed to tell me a few things about mams funeral which deeply affected me.I have nothing to do with them & that is the way it will stay.While you have your mam make the most of it.Your wife is bound to feel out of it ,is there any way you can have a word with your mam & explain.Your mam will not realise so please tell her & I bet she makes sure your wife is not left out.Good Luck To you Both.
2007-06-04 02:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by Ollie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to understand that blood is thicker than water. If your siblings start doing their part by helping out your mom, then that leaves you more time to be with her. Its not your fault that your siblings are morons and I would be very clear to them that you want nothing to do with them until they can apologize to your wife. Your mom will pass away sooner than later and your wife will be at your side. By respecting your wife by putting her first, you are also respecting your mother who should expect no less of you.
2007-06-04 02:08:08 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh many cases..... I ve been by way of an incredible sort of hardships in my existence, and once I get truly down, i turn to Allah swt in a silent prayer for help and alhamdulelah my prayers are spoke back with sort compassionate friends who proportion my soreness and carry me up whilst i'm feeling truly down. What i do in return is attempt to pay it forward, help human beings as much as i will, cos i recognize that finally what is going around comes around and that i'll be rewarded in this existence and after it.
2016-10-09 10:32:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents divoced when I was 6 and 40 years later, I was instrumental in them getting back together.
My eldest brother had unresolved issues regarding this and blamed me for reconnecting them.
we have not honestly spoken in five years, although his wife insists there was never any rift between us.
If that is the case, then why, on those few occasions we have gotten together, he avoids me?
Personally, I ignore the whole mess. It's HIS loss, not mine
2007-06-04 02:21:43 · answer #6 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you said your wife comes first to you, let her know this is how you feel, and that you don't condone your siblings' behaviour towards your wife.
2007-06-04 02:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
happihawkeye has it sewn up. There is little to do but try to get your mother and your wife together to TALK.
2007-06-04 05:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by MaryBlue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋