inlaw relationship?

Question

Hiya,
how do you all get on with your inlaws?
is it a case of the dreaded mother inlaw, or are you quite close to your inlaws?

i have 2 mother inlaws (hubbys parents split then married again) and hubbies real mum is a nightmare, she asks what i have been cooking for her son, and says i need to make more of an effort on my apperance etc, i am a smart casual dressed person, but she dresses to impress all the time (but she has not got 2 babies to care for, and i have seen pics of her when she was younger and had her babies, she was worse dressed than me). Also when i was pregnant with both my girls, and if i was offered alcohol she would answer for me 'no she IS NOT having any', so needless to say i have had a few explosive arguments with her lol, but my other mother inlaw is easier to get on with, but i wouldnt trust her as far as i could through her lol.
so are you close to your inlaws, or is more a case of, tolleration for your partners sake?.

xxx

i have never touched a drop of alcohol when pregnant, i just didnt like her aswering for me.
my hubbies parents split up when he was a toddler.

xx

hiya cottontail, i would imagine being the sons mother and having the dil would be really difficult, like you say, always biting your tounge, being careful what you say or else she will flip, it is not a nice situation to be in, so many i should cut my mil some slack.
but she is always going on about us having more kids, and has even specified wanting a grandson, not another grand-daughter, but it isnt like you can choose, and even if you could, i love my girls, i would love another little girl, but if i have a son it would be fantastic, plus she would have it her way to lol.

sorry rambled off, but it must be tough right enough though. xx

Answer 1

I would stay away from the lot of them as much as possible!
i am no a mil yet but it can be very difficult as we get nervous meeting our sons partners too!

Sometimes i worry i have said the wrong thing etc but would never do what your mil does and undermine any dil.
A mil duty is to bite her tongue and help support her childs relationship. After all if we want our children to be happy then we have to try and not cause conflict in their relationships.

Answer 2

I get along with my in laws. Sometimes they can annoy me but hey no ones perfect.

By any chance did your mother in law's husband leave her for the new woman? If that's the case then maybe she thinks that had she dressed better her husband wouldn't have left. Maybe it's her way of giving advice opposed to being insulting. Also, you shouldn't drink alcohol while being pregnant and I see her saying that to others as looking out for you and the baby, although I do think she should have allowed you to answer. I know you weren't exactly asking for advice but maybe this could be something to think about to make things easier for you.

Answer 3

I totally understand what u're going through. Being a son's mother is no excuse for treating his wife badly. My in laws always find a way to make me look bad for something or the other. I have a 4 year old daughter and when she was born, they chose what to name her...I liked the name so i didnt argue but then after that when I got pregnant again they specifically told me that they want a grandson now (like it is in our hands). and the drama continues...So, not to make you feel worst but i think all in laws are like this especially the boy's family.

Answer 4

I agree that's no longer established habit. I also have a different relationship with one among my sister in regulations, and don't affiliate with something of his kinfolk by using sort of folk they are. additionally he's basically assembly my kinfolk for the 1st time next week. we've been at the same time 9 months. he will probable basically see my kinfolk as quickly as a 365 days, if that oftentimes because of the fact they are continually attempting to initiate difficulty. i do no longer think of you will desire to placed that throughout your relationship. the two flow on my own if he would not decide directly to come back, or flow to much less oftentimes and whilst they ask you why, tell them the certainty. stable good fortune.

Answer 5

My inlaws are uncomfortably generous! They are just being nice, and trying to help, but they keep buying me things/offering us stupid amounts of money and it makes me uncomfortable! They seem to use money to control what my boyfriend does (like a sort of bribe to do what they want him to) and they seem to be trying to do that with me. I politely refuse and then write them a letter telling them how kind the offer was!

Boyfriends mum is always putting down my boyfriend, which is also uncomfortable. Me and his dad end up making ridiculous small talk! I am sometimes made to feel like I have to take side against him, but I try to stay as neutral as possible.

It's tough. I recommend living quite far away from them. I get all this uncomfortableness, but only infrequently as they don't come down too often!

Answer 6

Personally, me and my boyfriends parents get along great. Brian and I arent married yet because Im going to finish college first, but we do live together and so on. HIs entire family (mother brother sister father) and I get along wonderfully. At christmas, I got more things from his sister and mom then he did.

With the tables turned my mother and step dad love him as well and are waiting for the big day... my dad and brother are a different story.

Answer 7

I actually love my in-laws. Same situation. Parent divorced two sets of in-laws. And this is being said in spite of the fact that I am not who they wanted their son/brother to marry and only two members of his family came to our wedding. He comes from an orthodox jewish family and isn't religious and married a non-jew. But, regardless of this I've never seen parents w/ such a great relationship with their children. They disagree with his choices but have been able to move on (in some cases took years to have relationship again) to accept his choices and include us in their lives. I'm truly in awe of the bonds that they have. They are wonderful people who have done a magnificent job at raising their children to be truly beautiful people. I'm just happy to see my husband who I love dearly and my children having a intimate relationship w/ their family (both mine and his).

Answer 8

My husbands parents are split as well. His father and step mother are wonderful! I love them both dearly and we've never had any problems. His mother is something else! While I love her very much, she looks down on me because I believe it's important to be a wife and mother first and foremost...and she believes women are suppose to be career women. My husband and I are very happy in the way our lives work, so it doesn't affect us very much, but it does get irritating.

Answer 9

Always marry an orphan.
My mil was okay (poor thing, she died in November) but my fil was a nightmare. We loathed each other. He hated my cooking, thought I was too overweight, spent too money, etc. And he wasn't shy in saying so.
Now I'm a mother-in-law and I've told my sons - they have to love me, because they are my children. But in dil's don't. So I' will always take their sides.
I wish I was my dil - I'm lovely!

Answer 10

I loved my mother in law. She kept her distance, never offered advice, never criticized and slipped me money without her husband knowing. When I had our daughters, twins, she paid for the diaper service since we lived in a 2nd floor walk up with no laundry. She "cooked" the books so that her cheapskate husband(my father in law) would never know that she helped us out. He found out after she died and was livid. She got cancer and died when the kids were young and it was downhill after that. Our marriage broke up because my ex did exactly what she said he would do, put everyone else first. That's what his father did to her and she tried to save me from it. I'm free now but I still miss her.