Do you think my cousin had been willing to help me?

Question

I graduated from an overseas university some years back with a degree of Computer Science.

When I came back to my home country, the job market was bad for graduates in Computer Science. I was actually unemployed for a while as I could not secure jobs relating to IT. For me, I was adamant to establish myself in IT. I intended to get a job in IT so that I could be more proficient in IT. I was hoping to establish myself as an administrator or a programmer or an engineer.

However, as I could not even get an IT job relating to my degree, I was even willing to start low, as a technician in an IT field. I could do that as I know how to do some troubleshooting of spoilt computers and the operating systems. I even know how to assemble a computer.

I was also not willing to do any other job as I do not want to become someone not related to IT. I was also not in need of money. I was really insistent in establing myself in IT. As I could not get an IT job, I even considered taking up short IT courses to give me more knowledge on IT.

However, tried as I might, I still cannot get an IT job. My family even approached several relatives for help but no one seemed able to help me.

It was at this time the job agency managed to get a job for me as a telecommunications call center operator. That was the best they could find. The job agent also told me this would be a good start for graduates in IT. As a call center operator, my job was to receive complaints from big companies about problems they might find with their telephne lines and forward them to the telco techinicians for them to troubleshoot. The telephone lines included international lines. My mom was very happy for me as it seemed to be a god job.

However, while this job might seem to be good, I was not happy before long. This was because I didn't really learn much from this job. All I did was to forward complaints to the technicians to resolve them. I also felt it wasted my time as I am not really doing what I wanted. Before long, more than a year past and I found myself stuck to this job. Some companies I went to for job interviews even said I was not established in IT and I had passed the time to

to get an IT job as an administrator or an engineer. They said I should try to get an IT job as soon as I had graduated from the university.

A few years later, we visited a relative during a festive season where I told her about the problem I had in trying to seek a good job in IT. She then remarked why I had not approached a cousin of ours who owns an IT firm. We were all very surprised this cousin was operating an IT company. This cousin of ours was a close cousin of ours. Had we knew earlier he was running an IT company, we would most certainly approached him for help.

The question I would like to ask is, do you think this cousin of mine was really willing to help me? He was a close cousin and so he was aware of my problem. Yet he had kept very quiet all these while. The other day, my sister had even visited my uncle and aunt and brought up my problem to them. So, he SHOULD know about my problem. Yet, he was strangely quiet, and had kept out of all these.
Do you think my cousin had been willing to help me? Do you think he could not have known? Do you find this too much a coincidence?

What do you sugest I do to him now?

Let me clarify certain things.

I do not need to be at the top. Like what one of you guys have said, I just want to have a good start. I am even willing to work in a low position to get the experience.

Because I did not have a good start, it is now difficult for me to start a career in IT.

Answer 1

I have read through the question and some of the replies, and I would like to make my comments on them. I hate to say it, but I have to strongly disagree with some of them.

Stacey C

"You can't expect other people to help you into your chosen field. Getting a career is something only you can help yourself with."

Upshot is not asking others to help him to his career. All Upshot had wanted was just a good start. Surely, his cousin should be able to do help him in this? I don't think he is even looking for a long term job in his cousin's place. So how can he be a problem to his cousin and create a family rift?

Lori K

"many companies frown heavily on relatives being brought into a firm. It's sometimes even considered a breach of company protocol."

Upshot have already said, he is willing to start low. As a technician or a helper. He just wants to get a feel of the working life in the IT industry. So, how much will it affect the company when he just wanted to have a good start. Some companies considered it a breach of company protocol, but many others don't. Not especially if he is just there to learn something.

"There are far more people who want to go into the field than there are positions. The market is saturated."

Upshot has already said he just wanted to have a good start and is willing to start low. He is not there to compete with the staff there. Surely, as relatives, his cousin can accommodate him in this?

"I don't think you should have expected your cousin to put his/her own job at risk in order to help provide you with one."

If Upshot's cousin owns the company, how is his job going to be put at risk?

Goddess of Laundry

"Hiring family is a dangerous situation. If they work out well, and you promote them, the rest of the employees are angry because they see it as favouritism."

Upshot has already said he is there to learn something. He is even willing to start low. I don't think he is even interested in promotion. He just wanted to have some experience. So I don't see that as dangerous. Not especially if his cousin can informed the staff about it.

Julia B

"being seen as only hiring you because you are family, it could have caused a HUGE problem with him and his employees."

If Upshot is there only to get some experience, how huge a problem can it caused? I don't think he can even be considered being hired. I also think once he gets to learn all that stuff, he will leave the company. This is especially so if he is employed there as a helper or technician.

pj m

"nepotism is wrong. do you think it would have been ethical for him to employ you instead of better suited applicants?"

I don't think it can be considered nepotism if Upshot is only there to learn the trade. He already said he is willing to start low. So is it nepotism if you were to help your cousin learn something? In this case, helping your cousin will not hinder you in employing the right people. He is only there to learn. Anyway, he will most probably not stay for more than a year.

cavorim

"You didn't know he had an IT company so why do you assume he knew you were looking for a job in IT."

Upshot has already written that his sister had even visited their uncle and aunt and brought up this problem to them. So his cousin should know the problem Upshot had. Yet, he was strangely quiet, and had kept out of all these. So I personally believe his cousin was not willing to help him.

I have always believed we must always be thoughtful and compassionate whenever we do anything. Following the rules rigidly may not always bring the best solution.

Here is a guy that needs help. It had been extremely frustrating to him to try to establish a career in his field of work. If only his cousin had extend a helping hand, it would have been different to him today.

Yes, Sword fish was right when he wrote: "As much as there can be difficulties and discomfort, we must ALWAYS EXTEND A HELPING HAND to our friends and loved ones. Otherwise, what are families for?"

I wish you all the best Upshot!

Answer 2

think if you have such a cousin, then it is better to cut off any relations with him.

It is very evident he is not willing to help you.

THAT DOESN'T SPEAK WELL OF HIM.

I don't think it will create any rift if you were to take up the job, if you had talk over with him before starting the job. If he knows you are there only temporary and you are not there to take over, then there should not be a problem. After all, you are only there TO LEARN. He could have given you a six month contract.

The other day my house was renovated. The renovator doing the job took his friend's son in to learn the trade. When it is time for the young man to leave, he just left. Nothing unpleasant happened. There was also no misunderstandings developed. And yes, he did learn a thing or two from his job experience. So why couldn't your cousin had helped you?

I am quite disappointed with some of the answers here. It seems some people only have one track minds.

Answer 3

I have to disagree with what some of you said. The asker is not asking for a top job. He has already said he was even willing to work as a technician.

So, why can't he be helped?

He is also looking for a GOOD START.

And the job market for IT was not good then. So why can't he be helped?

As much as there can be difficulties and discomfort, we must ALWAYS EXTEND A HELPING HAND to our friends and loved ones. Otherwise, what are families for?

Think again!

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Hey guys, don't be so rigid. He only wanted to have a good start. So why can't he be helped? He is not asking to be a manager. He even said he is willing to start low to have a good start. Surely, we must always show compassion, mustn't we? Why can't he be given a chance to get a feel of things. I think he is right. His cousin had not been very helpful and in my opinon, is really unfair.

Answer 6

As much as I hate to say it, your cousin has every legal right not to help you. But I must agree that he has been selfish not to help you when you needed his help most.

I also don't see how helping you could affect the performance of the company, unlike what some people had suggested above. You said you just wanted some experience, don't you?

And yes, unlike what some people had said, it is not nepotism. You just need *some help* that is all.

Good luck.

Answer 7

My guess is that your cousin didn't feel that you had the qualifications for any job that he offered. Also, many companies frown heavily on relatives being brought into a firm. It's sometimes even considered a breach of company protocol.

IT professional are seriously a dime a dozen right now. There are far more people who want to go into the field than there are positions. The market is saturated. In the United States, even those with advanced degrees in Electrical Engineering and job experience aren't guaranteed jobs. Many have to intern for free in order to gain enough experience to get an entry level job.

I don't think you should have expected your cousin to put his/her own job at risk in order to help provide you with one. Find an internship (if you really don't need the money yet) and get some experience in the field. THEN look for an entry level job.

Answer 8

Stacey C is right!
Hiring family is a dangerous situation. If they work out well, and you promote them, the rest of the employees are angry because they see it as favouritism. If you don't work out as an employee, and you have to be let go, then the family is angry with the one that fired you. It is a no win situation for your cousin.

You would be far better off making it on your own. The real question is what is it about your resume or interview that prevents the company offering you a job? That is something that you could ask your cousin! Or ask some of the companies that you have contacted. There must be a reason for your struggle. Rather than blaming your cousin, find out what you can do to strengthen the resume!

Answer 9

All you can do is ask. Sometimes people are willing to help, but might not see what your situation is.

Answer 10

Ask him directly. You said you two are close.