Is it just me who finds most standard Christian statements very judgmental?

Question

I keep seeing these standard little Christian sentences, where Christians actually try to be nice. And I know most of them even do it with good intentions, but for some reason, to me me it sounds judgmental as hell.

"Love the sinner, hate the sin"
That actually means: "what you do is wrong, but God doesn't like it if I tell you that."

"I'll pray for you"
That actually means: "what you believe is wrong, maybe my God can change you"

"We are commanded to love, even our enemies"
That actually means: "I don't like you, but the Bible says I should love you, so that's what I'm saying"

And the most judgmental sentence:
"I don't judge"
That sentence is usually preceded by something like "homosexuality is wrong, but the Bible tells me not to judge, so..."

Is it just me who finds these frequently used Christian statements very judgmental? I would prefer if they just spoke their hearts in a more honest way.

Answer 1

Christian standards are very high because its a God standard. I myself is a Christian and to follow that standard is very difficult. That's why I realized I need God more and more to help me get through every day. Of course Heaven is my goal of life.

Answer 2

Hi

Christians - like most people - live by a set of values which they hold to be important. You may find it uncomfortable, or tacky, that their statements seem to be "I don't agree with you, but that's ok" - but we all make those judgments all the time, Christian or not.

My personal beliefs are not religious, but I am highly opinionated and have a huge belief that I'm right most of the time (although I may not believe what I did yesterday, and will not believe the same tomorrow). If someone says something outrageous like "XXX Brand frozen Pizza is nice" or "you should try some of this domestic brand beer" I don't say "I'll pray for you" or "Love the sinner, hate the sin", but I do say "not really to my taste" or "I'm full, thank you".

I'm sure that when people say things you find uncomfortable or disagree with (which is probably more than half the time) you find different ways of saying "I don't agree, but that's OK", maybe you say "mmmm I'll think about it" or "let me get back to you on that".

The bottom line is - if you get upset about what you think other people are thinking when they say things, you will find a) that you have an awful lot to get upset about b) you will spend time trying to figure out whether you should be upset or not.

Now I have a whole lifetime in front of me, filled with opportunities and challenges and hardships and (hopefully) excellent food and wine. If I waste one second of that lifetime trying to figure out whether I should feel offended by something or whether someone's trying to judge me or what they're thinking about me behind their words - then that is surely a waste or a sin or blasphemy or whatever your word is for it.

Anyway - have a good day now and try not to worry about what the Christians are thinking!

Answer 3

That's funny. I could have sworn that it was us being judged right now.
Isn't it also judgemental to assume what someone means when they say "I'll pray for you?" or "love the sinner, hate the sin?" How in the world can you, (a person who loves to come on this website to bash Christianity) give such statements as this without even flinching? Isn't that a double standard or something? Here's a little something for you. "Take the plank out of your own eye, before you want to remove the speck out of someone else's." Oh, by the way, I didn't make that up. Jesus did.
I'll pray for you. REALLY!!! How's that for honesy? I don't have a problem with being honest. Maybe you just don't know honesty when you hear it.

Answer 4

Luckily, I've never had those statements directed at me. However, I do understand your feelings about them. I suspect that just a tad bit of your sentiment comes from some prejudice or feeling you may have about Christians and their doctrine. Statements like "love the sinner, hate the sin", "we are commanded to love, even our enemies" are statements of fact about Christian doctrine. I will admit that I don't want someone I haven't ever even met praying for me. Or if I feel that I don't need a prayer, such a statement seems to be telling me that they feel something is wrong with me that I need to be prayed for.

We all judge. Those who say they don't are either lying through their teeth or are merely unaware of their judgment. Good intentions are icky things, and just because we mean well doesn't mean we do well.

So in answer to your question... I wouldn't say that I find MOST standard Christian statements judgmental. But I would say that they are often motivated by some judgment. The distinction I'm trying to make is that the statement they are making is irrelevant. They judge you and then they spew forth a cliche or a word of doctrine. The words they say aren't responsible for the sentiment behind them. By themselves they'd be innocent enough.

As for speaking their hearts... I couldn't say for sure if there is another, better way for them to demonstrate how they feel. In my experience, many people who follow a faith but don't understand it well live with a feeling of condescension towards everyone who doesn't agree with them. And what better way to sound condescending than to preach to them and pray for them and forgive their sins without judging them?

Answer 5

Many non-believers of deity of Jesus feel that way.
I think it is a good thing to tell what is the truth, even if it hurts. We all fall short from the glory of God. And we all can be forgiven if we ask forgiveness. So it is a good thing to know what God likes and does not like.

I pray for you, does not necessarily mean that. But I believe that God can change a willing heart.

No, I do not agree that love your enemies means what you just said. It means that love one another, and help each other out whenever you can, despite of our differences.

It is not judging if one says that homosexuality is wrong. It is our job to tell people what God thinks about homosexuality. It is a sin. No one is without sin. But we can ask forgiveness. God asks us to love everyone, even homosexuals. But that does not mean that we need to okay their life style.

It is very easy to call others judgmental, I think you just were one. What ever Christians say, you feel it is judgmental : )

We do not have authorization to change the Word of God. But we can love one another despite of our differences.

Answer 6

These statements show the ignorance of mainstream Christianity. Jesus never said "Love the sinner, hate the sin," or any nonsense like that. These are statements that have no meaning or intelligence behind them. Christians, and members of most religions, believe that these kind of statements reveal their true Christian nature, but what they truly reveal is their laziness and arrogance. The Christian church has nothing to do with Jesus. It is a bunch of dogma set down for the ignorant and lazy. Jesus had a powerful experience of god that he tried to share with others, and his teachings give direction to those who would pursue that same experience. Jesus never claimed to be the only son of god. He rightly proclaimed that "We are all god's children." Those people that think that belief in Jesus as the son of god or following the doctrine of the Christian church will get them to heaven have absolutely no idea what Jesus taught, who he was or what he experienced. Pity them, the words they throw at you are like a small child whistling to keep away the monsters in the dark.

Answer 7

I can easily not like you but love you. I would feed you if you were hungry and pray for you if you committed a crime and even visit you in prison. Go see you if you get sick and are in the hospital, and even tell you that you were wrong according to what is written in the bible. Love is not upholding you when you are wrong. That doesn't mean I like your ways. Don't try and twist it, I think you understand better than you pretend to, and maybe I'm wrong. See, even christians can make mistakes. Yes, God gave you a free will, he just happens to know that you are going to choose to do the wrong thing, or right thing.

Answer 8

As a Christian, I'd like to respond to each comment you've mentioned...

1) "Love the sinner, hate the sin"
Yes, we are called to love everyone, but when it says "hate the sin," it doesn't give us leave to judge what you do. Christians are called to live according to God's standards, so we can't be part of the things you're doing if they counter what God says. When we say "hate the sin," it means that we are to know that it's wrong, not indulge in it, and help show you WHY it's wrong, not just tell you that it is. We tell you this BECAUSE we love you; if we really didn't like you, we'd ignore you.

2) "I'll pray for you."
This sounds like you had a bad example of this statement being used; we are by no means using it as an exasperated shake of the head that means "you're wrong, but maybe God can help". Prayer is the most powerful tool, so when we say we'll pray for you - like if you're struggling with something or are confused about God - it genuinely means that we care about you and want to help you with all that we have.

3) "We are commanded to love, even our enemies"
True, we are called to love everyone just as Christ did, but love can't be forced. It's a choice. If all we say is "The Bible says I'm supposed to love you," it's meaningless. So what if the Bible says it? If you're not following it, it doesn't MEAN anything. That kind of love doesn't mean we overlook faults - because we have them too - or pretend that life is just dandy - because it's not; it means that we really do care about you, even if you don't care about us. We want to help you, even if sometimes you don't want to be helped.

4) "I don't judge"
This is one of the hardest concepts for Christians and nonChristianst alike to grasp: the idea of judgment. Judgement belongs to God, and we are in NO place to say whether or not you're going to hell, or are wrong, or anything! But the truth is, we say things like that, it's not coming from us - God said it first. If, like in your example, we say "homosexuality is wrong," we are only speaking what God said about it. (Leviticus 18:22) We're not condemning you; again, all we want to do is help you see the Light, Jesus. As I said before, we can't ignore there is a problem, because that's not loving you at all, so when we say that things are wrong, we're just trying to help you, because in the end you will hurt someone - yourself or someone else - in the end.

So really, if these phrases are said with contempt, then that person may not even be a Christian, or if they are, then they are by all means NOT following the path Jesus would have them follow. We are called to speak what God tells us to, and although it may sometimes be hard to hear, all we want to do is help you find the love, joy, and peace that we have already found in our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Answer 9

I personally judge how a person lives, and their actions. True Christian ministers have a duty to preach the word of God, to tell the truth about what God really say's.
The problem is that since most people do not truly love, worship, nor like God. We run into situations where we are forced to defend God.
Most people just want to hear what they want to hear, and keep living sinful lives.

Answer 10

I may take a verbal beating from my Christian brethren, but I have to agree with you. What you've described are variations of "Christianspeak", or pat answers. And for the most part your interpretations are right on the money, when these phrases are tossed out gratuitously.

That's not to say there isn't a grain of truth in all of them. We do pray for others. We are not to judge. But for crying out loud, when speaking to non-Christians we could at least try to stop and think about how these phrases sound -- you know, put ourselves in the other person's shoes for a moment -- and find a more personal way to express them. It's not that difficult.

Answer 11

No! Where am going you cant tell unless i inform you. But where am going i definitely know very well because i have chosen that destination. though no one believes or want to accept they will end up as failures, losers or go to hell and thus will answer you without any hesitation they are going to heaven, even though they have not checked to confirm with the Bible what it says regarding this subject to give them the right answer. Otherwise i don't find the two statements to be judgmental.