A question about stay at home/working Moms. A couple of questions l've read on here and things l've heard

Question

There seem to be a lot of women who stayed home with their children in the past (particularly more mature women), who now critisize working Moms? l'm not talking about which is better to do, but doesn't it seem that if you've been luck enough to be able to stay home with your children, you shouldn't judge those who have to do both? I've done both personally, and l can never understand stay home Moms saying that working Moms will never understand the pressure they are under?! I take my hat off to anyone who can juggle a job and children, and l think they should be applauded for the contribution they make to their family AND society. What do others think?

Please just let me add that l also think stay home Moms make a fantastic contribution (l am one), and l didn't mean l had got this impression from here, l meant wider society also :)

Answer 1

I agree with your point. l think ALL Moms do a fantastic job, and each side of the camp should respect and understand what the others do. We (women) had far too many years of being told our 'place' in the world, and such a hard struggle for equality, and now many years later we have other women telling us the same things! Seriously, not to turn this into a feminism issue, everyone has to do what's right for them. A parent has the right to instill the values that they hold important to their children, and different parents will want to do this a different way. Since becoming a mother l've chosen to stay home, but l would never presume to tell another Mom she was wrong for going out to work. Good for her for showing her children the example of hard work and contribution to society, and good for a stay at home Mom for showing her children the example of committment to family! l agree with many of the other posters here, we should be supporting each other, not critisizing, l believe firmly in the saying "walk a mile in my shoes". None of us ever knows what it is like to live another persons' life, all we should worry about is living our own the best way we know how, and lending a hand to others along the way. Great question though, l'm sure most of us have encounteres something like this along the way!

Answer 2

I think the problem is that so much time is spent telling moms why they should feel guilty about their lives. If you work then you aren't caring for you kids, you are leaving them to be raised by day cares and schools. If you stay home with them then you are a bonbon-eating, lazy, good-for-nothing who should help your husband make some money. I have done both and the truth is, they are each just as much work as the other. If you work outside the home, you have a full day of your job and then have to make dinner, do the bedtime rush and get everything ready for tomorrow. If you are a stay-at-home mom, your kids are home all day to make a mess (which is considerable) and you need to not only keep up with the housework but need to entertain/teach your kids and most stay-at-home moms do things like cook more from scratch etc to help save money. I actually work harder at home than I did when I was working at a job (more manual labor, more stuff to do etc). All moms should be applauded and we should band together and stop letting the media, men and other women tell us that we are wrong, whichever life we have. I for one would proudly support and defend either a working mom or a stay-at-home mom.

Answer 3

It's probably the attitude of stay at home moms who have been "hurt" feelings by working moms, and negative comments, made by a working mom or two in their lives.
There are moms who, (especially single moms) need to work outside the home. Yet, the children need time and attention from their moms, on a daily basis, whether the moms work outside the home or not.
Years ago, when "women's lib" was at a high point of women must work attitude, the stay at home moms felt like second class citizens, by working women-moms especially.
I personally believe it depends on each individual situation. My own feelings on the matter are: if the mom HAS to work, then work (outside the home), if she does NOT need to work outside the home, then, if at all possible, she should be home with the child(ren). However, no matter what, the mom should spend some quality time with each child every day.
There is an old saying "the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world". That is very true. Take care.

Answer 4

Well, It Happened Last Night And Cos' She Didn't Bring Underwear 2 Swimming She Said I Am Going Out In My Towel Mum! D;

Answer 5

Stay-at-home Mothers are always on the defensive. Society looks on us as lazy, not teaching our children good workign ethics, etc etc.
I think you are wrong to think that it is just stay-at-home mothers who sneer at working mothers. It works both ways.
I've done both, too. Stay-at-home mothers have many down sides, which aren't appreciated. And quite frankly, I don't think for one minute our input into family life is appreciated.
Personally, I think it is wrong to judge. You know the kind of person you are, some cope well, some don't. I'm one of those that don't. My house was a tip, my kids weren't getting enough attention and I was always tired.
So I stopped working. I live in a small house, don't go on expensive holidays, etc etc. And I'm happy. I do small jobs all the time to earn a few pennies here and there.
Actually, I contribute a lot to society, too. I volunteer to do all the things working mothers don't have time to do - I join PFA's, read for the blind, help out little old ladies and my neighbours. My children are well behaved and polite.
I don't see what the problem is - it's different strokes for different folks. You do what is good for your family.

Answer 6

Very true. Most of the older women in my family looked down on me for getting a night job when I got divorced. I couldn't seem to get them to understand that I would now be the only "bread winner" in the family and that paid more, and it gave me more time with my child during the evening. Because my son slept at my moms house ( just up the road) people said I was letting her raise my child.. NOt fair. Part of Raising children is making sure they are provided for financially too. I think both jobs are equally important !

Answer 7

I used to be a stay at home mom, but I had to go back to work because it was getting to the point where we just couldn't make it off of my husband's income alone. With the rising cost of gas prices and food, we just couldn't do it anymore. We didn't (and still don't I might add) have any luxuries, just a house payment (on small $50 k fixer-upper), my husband's truck payment (which is on a 7 year old vehicle, not a luxury car), utilities (just gas, water, electricity and a local service land phone line - no cell phones, cable, ect...), no going out or going out to eat or buying extra crap, just neccessities, and we still couldn't make it. I'm the only one of my friends with kids that work, and they are also constantly dropping innocent sounding little remarks that just hurt. I don't know why a lot of SAHMs (not all, but a lot) do it, maybe to make themselves feel better or something - I don't know. I honestly don't understand either why SAHMs think that they're under so much "stress"! When I was a SAHM, it was so nice and never, ever, stressful. When you're working a full time job outside the home though, it's like you go to work, work your rear off all day, then you come home and it's hurry up make supper, wash dishes, clean the house, laundry, yard work, spend 20 to 30 minutes with the kids then collapse in bed exhausted and then dread doing it all over again the next day. At least when I was a SAHM, I could spend time with my kids and set my own schedule, and pace myself with the work through out the day. Everything was always done, my kids were happier, and my life was stressFREE! It was the best! But, now, I'm back to work and my life is a zoo! Also, when some SAHMs say "Well, we don't work just 40 hours a week, we never get off work, we're on call 24/7". Puhlease. Working moms don't just work "40 hours a week", whoever thinks that needs to re-think some things. When we get off from our full-time job outside the home, we come home and do our second fulltime job of being a wife, mother, and housekeeper in a fraction of the time that SAHMs have had all day to do, and we still have to do all of the same things. And, we too are "on call 24/7", if baby is up crying all night, guess what - we're up too, and we still have to go to work the next day, and in addition to that, a lot of moms are on call for their jobs 24/7 too, in addition to their job as a mother at home. As far as the "no sick days" for SAHMs goes, when a working mom is sick, she's home sick with her kids during the day she has to take off from work. I know that this may sound harsh, but keep in mind that I've been on both sides of the fence, and definitely found that the SAHM side of my life was much, much easier and lots less stressful. People shouldn't judge others until they've walked a mile in their shoes.

Answer 8

I agree with you about the working moms! my hat is off to working mothers who manage to juggle family and work! i am a SAHM and i can barely keep up some days! We are all parents no matter if you work or not, and that is the most important job in the world!

Answer 9

Moms who go out of the home to work, get to have a break from being with their children whereas, we stay at home moms very seldom do. I think it is much harder and way more stressful for a mother who stays at home all the time, to cope with the daily occurrences of raising their children than it is for one who works outside the home.

Answer 10

I can't tell what exactly you're asking because of your grammar, can you ask more clearly? Maybe read through your answer, to see if it makes sense, before you post it? I am a stay at home Mom and would love to help, but I can't get through your question...


Guessing from what the other answerers think your question is, my answer would be this:
Not every woman HAS to work. Single moms do, and perhaps some others, but not near as many as are indeed already working. Many women say they "have" to when they do not. It's a choice women make. My family is on a very tight budget because I stay home, but it's what we feel is worth it, so that I can raise my children, rather than have them raised in a day care or preschool. I think the women that you're talking about agree with me that women make the choice to invest in "stuff" like cars, houses, trips, and clothing, rather than their children, and that it gets frustrating to see the kids get put aside because their moms work. I of course know that working moms contribute to society, as business women and the like. I personally would rather see them contribute to society by investing in their children, our future.