Okay-me and my boyfriend were over at his house and skippin the whole inside--we started makin out. He tried to touch me in both places, knowing I didn't want to-so finally he apologized and said i had worked him up too much-so we calmed down. later on, i kinda...put his hand on my breast and we started makin out again. Since I initiated it, it was less weird-You see, I've been raped and ever since, Ive been scared to be touched. I know he wouldnt do that, but if I'm touched it reminds me of that day...I need help. I want to be able to get close to someone again, how can I feel less weird around him? I mean, I'm comfortable with him...and I'm not talking sex...but I want to be able to mess around a little without feeling like the man that did it is watching me or something...what can I do?? PLEASE help!!
2007-06-03 19:21:26 · 10 answers · asked by Needs Help..Gives Answers <3 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, he doesn't know about me getting raped. I never expected us to become that intamate...because he's shy too, so when it happened it caught me off guard and it scared me...a lot.
2007-06-03 19:40:33 · update #1
well first off, make sure ur bf knows about ur past and make him understand WHY you arnt completly comfortable with him touching you(initiating)...work through it together. maybe if instead of just touchign you, he could be a little more verbal. Telling you exactly how he feels about you, and maybe the first few times intill ur comfortable, he could ask permission to do anythign to you, its less romantic and maybe sounds silly, BUT you will feel way more in control and it might make you feel better that you can just say no, and it all stops, so that way u will be more comfortable and maybe be able to get over your past with the help of your boyfriend
if he isnt willing to bother heling you, thanit may be time to find someone that deserves you! but im sure he will, he soudns very nice
2007-06-03 19:27:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, let's see: your bf touched you even when he knew you didn't want to be touched. That's wrong, whether you've been raped in the past or not. He makes it worse with the excuse that you worked him up, therefore blaming you. You need to set a boundary with him and keep it. Say to him, "It's okay to make out, but you can't go below the waist. If you do, I will leave you and that's the end of our relationship." If he respects you, he'll keep to that. Otherwise, he's not worth keeping. You should also go to the rape crisis center for counseling, and if your town doesn't have one, call a hotline or get regular counseling.
2007-06-04 02:26:14 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling. There are rape counseling centers staffed with people who can discuss these things with you. It doesn't matter when the experience occurred, it is obviously still fresh in your mind. You can learn to deal with it but you may need help to do so. So seek the help. You know that sex can be healthy and fun and enjoyable and loving and all sorts of good things. But you have to learn to be open to it. So get some help and start enjoying more of your life.
2007-06-04 02:26:59 · answer #3 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds kind of stupid but practice. If you want to be intimate with your guy then you shouldn't shy away from it when these times come up. BUT do let him know that you need to go at your own pace and when you're truly ready then those uncomfortable and anxious feeling will fade.Until then just take it slow. But don't try to avoid it. That will only prolong the problem.
2007-06-04 02:25:27 · answer #4 · answered by Nikki S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling or an inner healing retreat...Does he know about you being raped.I think he should understand what you've gone through and the reason your feeling this way.You need to open up to a priest, if your Christian.....it'll take time to heal but you'll be fine...
2007-06-04 02:33:32 · answer #5 · answered by J F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to be comfortable telling each other how you feel right away. If your not in the mood tell him. If he a real man he will stop. Tell him about your situation
2007-06-04 02:25:37 · answer #6 · answered by Paul A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all make sure he really loves you cuz u never know if he is going to do it with u just becuase he wants to know how it feels and then talk to him about it ok tell him what happened and stuff and maybe he understands!...just dont be afraid okaii!
Well good luck friend and have fun making out!!!
2007-06-04 02:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sounds like your going through mental things rather than physical...
physically your okay with this..it's wut u want..but mentally...u have the thought of your incodent in the back lingering around your head...
well you just need to let yourself know that the person your with is someone that you trust.and try to think of that person as maybe someone who could comfort you...let that person know that that is what you kinda need.protection from the person who did that to you.
and i know it must have been really hard on you tramatizing...but you have to let that go.
wishing u the best of luck..and God bless.
2007-06-04 02:28:08 · answer #8 · answered by BiGEgo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way you will be able to not feel unfortable around him is tell him what happened... he will understand and it will help the both of you. take it slow and thing will get better!!!
2007-06-04 02:27:36 · answer #9 · answered by INU PRINCESS 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I will pray for both of you !
2007-06-04 02:24:13 · answer #10 · answered by Jacky.- the "INDIAN". 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋