Post-traumatic stress due to time in combat?

Question

My fiancee has been in combat for 12 months
in Iraq and 12 months in Afghanistan and is suffering from
severe post-traumatic stress. He was diagnosed, sent
to a mental clinic to receive treatment
and was then being given insane amounts of pills
such as anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, etc.

He's extremely detached, he has become very
cold, bitter, and numb towards others and it's hard
for me to figure out how to make him happy (as that
is my main priority) while still giving him the space
that he needs to cope with this.

His doctors suggested I take counseling classes
offered at the Veteran's Affairs clinics and I plan to
do so as soon as possible.

I'm not giving up on him, I will stop at nothing
to make sure that we don't fall apart.

I know that there are so many men and women that are
in the same situation I am in. What did you do?
How did you let your spouse know that you were there
for them without making them feel as if you were
pushing for them to talk to you?

Answer 1

Do read all y ou can online about PTSD -- AND take the classes at the VA.
PTSD has so many symptoms, and it can be triggered by something as simple as a sight, sound, or smell. Sometimes the flashbacks he relives come all on their own - and he'll feel as if he is in the violence then and there.

One of the most important things is your patience, and your calmness when he is in turmoil. (Think of how you would act if you were dealing with a child with a nightmare) He may need to be reminded or reassured that what was then, is not now. He is safe now. He is home now. Keep it simple. Complex thoughts or a pleathora of words will likely be upsetting. Learn to simply sit with him in silence, be cautious of touch, it can set him off.

Medication sometimes is used to assist him in lowering his stress levels, and helping him to even out his moods so that he can feel more in control. The purpose is twofold. High stress can accelerate his symptoms and problems. Lowering his stress and evening out his moods can make the condition feel more managible while he learns to cope with it.

The whole thing is that his mind is his world - it has seen sad things - and he is constantly reminded of his saddness and the terrible things he experienced. You can be a stable bright spot in his day, but his happiness is up to him and him alone. PTSD takes years to pass where the symptoms diminish to rare occurances. This is how it is and how it will be.

I want to caution you about making promises that you cannot accomplish or keep. Broken promises will do more harm than no promise at all.

My trauma was 30 yrs ago, and I still feel its effects daily in one way or another, though a little less every year.

Answer 2

First of all...to your fiance...thank you for your service to our country.

Are the doctors keeping up with your fiance's treatments? Medication is only part of the treatment. He should be going through therapy sessions. Group therapy could be a wonderful thing for him as well. He will be with others that are going through the same things as him. I recommend this because I have been in group therapy before, and it was at a military hospital.

Taking those classes would be a good thing for you as well. It is important that you educate yourself about what's going on with him. That will help you to support him. Also, taking these classes will show him that you are there for him. I know it might be difficult for him to talk right now. I'm sure he knows that you are there for him. If you'd like, and if his doctors allow it, offer to go to counseling sessions with him, or even group therapy. Even if you don't say anything, just being by his side will help him enough.

He will get better. He's been through hell, and it will take him a while to get through it. I'm glad that he is going for help. A lot of military members suffer from PTSD and don't go for help. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you'd like someone to talk with, feel free to contact me by clicking on my profile. Take care, and God bless you and your fiance.

Answer 3

First, you need to get advice from a mental health professional...face to face.
Remember that your fiance doesn't want to be feeling whatever he is feeling. As hard as this is for you, it's harder for him because he not only has this terrible disorder, but he probably feels like he ought to be able to control it.
With that said, don't forget to take care of yourself. You won't be any good to him if you aren't feeling healthy yourself, and this is simply hard on everyone. If you need help, ask for it.
Please take advantage of the services offered to both your husband, and yourself, through the VA.
Nobody will advocate for your husband (and yourself) better than you.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Just thank God you have your fiancee! We lost our Hero on Sept. 11, 2006! Rest in peace baby, Sgt. Jeremy E. DePottey!

Answer 5

hullo
he should be cared for by psychiatric facility,and much sympathy from your side,do not let him on his own,he needs you,still you can try to contact Dr Phil,he is a keen psychiatrist ,and i think he will help you,just visit his web site.
www Dr Phil . com.

Dr solo

Answer 6

Actions speak louder than words. If you are showing your fiance that you are there for him, it doesn't matter what you say, he will think you are there for him. If you aren't, he'll know you're not - even if you think, or say, you are.

It's all about walking the talk, or talking the walk, however you say it, you know what I mean.