pressured into sex??

Question

I am saving myself for marriage & my boyfriend is not. I know he wants sex with me really really bad, and i want it too but tell him no everytime because i am REALLY serious about saving myself. Now we've done pretty much everything right up to intercourse but now i'm getting to the point where i don't know what to do. Its soooo important to him & i always feel so bad whenever i say no. Does anyone have any really good tips on staying strong. I'm scared i'm gonna cave in very very soon. And please don't tell me i should breakup with him b/c that's not an option. thanks! =)

Answer 1

Heh, yea it can be tough. Remember, it isn't only for spiritual reasons you are abstaining. All of gods commandments have real world reasons. You chances of getting a divorce almost triple when you have premarital sex. The chances of him cheating on you double. The chances of you cheating on him don't quite double, but it's close. The guilt associated with the act can poison relationships for years, as well as the mental blow of disassociating sex from marriage.

Hold out awhile longer, it will be worth it. For a.ll that people like to say, just do it, have fun, don't be a prude, etc. God was smarter than us. And we have proved it scientifically. Abstinace will give you a stronger marrage, a longer lasting marrage, and he will respect you more. The big thing is to avoid foreplay. I know, even harder, but heavy making out and petting...well, it is almost sex already, and definitely leads to it. Hold out for marrage, you be happier, your relationship with him will be even stronger.

For once, it is the naysayers of religion who are blatently ignoring scientific fact. Abstinance leads to a stronger mariage. Its SCIENCE! :)

Answer 2

You have the power of choice. Choice is always an option. And I'm sorry to say that if your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex, is your boyfriend really worth having? It is great that you are saving yourself for marriage, but if you've "done pretty much everything right up to intercourse", it seems that you haven't even fully saved yourself for marriage.

Remember the point of dating-to get married. However, a Christian should marry a Christian. Sex before marriage is a sin, so if your boyfriend says he is a Christian, you need to point out to him about the Ten Commandments. Sin always hinders relationships. It's not good for you to be around someone who isn't pushing a Godly lifestyle in every area os his life. Not only does he want to have sex before marriage, he is pressuring you, specifically.

You have to leave the situation, which means breaking up. You need to explain to him why. Your God should be more important to you than anything. Sex. Boyfriend. Anything. If your boyfriend has a change of heart a while later, then consider coming back for a relationship. However, he needs to get straight with God before he gets straight with you.

Answer 3

Whenever you think about Samson (from the bible story), probably the first thing that comes to mind is his incredible strength. He is one of the most interesting and controversial guys that God ever put His hand on, a man with incredible potential that he more or less wasted.

Samson could have been one of the greatest leaders in the history of Israel, but instead, his life tragically became an example of how not to live. His life was one of squandered resources and wasted potential and ability. He threw it all away because he made some subtle but serious mistakes. While his story stands as a warning of what not to do, it is also a story that speaks of second chances.
As is typical of someone trapped in sin, Samson ignored the warnings of those around him, believing that no one understood-until he woke up one day, and it was too late. The Bible tells us, " the Philistines took him and put his eyes out, and brought him down to Gaza. They bound him with bronze fetters, and he became a grinder in prison. (Judges 16:21)

This is exactly what sin does. It binds you. It finds you. And it grinds you.
It blinds you because sin causes people to do completely irrational things. Also, too, moral purity is a matter of the heart. If your heart is not pure, your body will not be kept pure for long.
It may be euphoric the first time you encounter this sexual temptation. If you take the bait and think you are going to get away with it, wrong. It will usually catch up with you in the end.
" Be sure your sin will find you out..."(Numbers 32:23)
And no doubt the sin you committed will grind you. You eventually pay a miserable price. Trust is betrayed, your not pure anymore and your reputation has gone down the drain. And it most likely carry with it any number of risks, any way you see it, it will often destroy you for life.
Don't be blinded by temptation or it will blind you. As it did with Samson. Why would you want to flirt with something that would very well be spiritually destructive to your whole well being.
Besides, you claim to love each other, true love will demonstrate caring and respecting . It also takes time to grow and true love does not focus on self and what you can get out of a relationship. Please don't mix your emotions and feelings, as they are two different senses.

Answer 4

Galations 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20. Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21. Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23. Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Answer 5

We have different views about sex before marriage but I respect your views and support your right to follow what you feel is right. From the sounds of it, most people answering your question respect your views more than your boyfriend does. That's not a good sign in a relationship.

Once again, give your boyfriend clear guidelines about how you feel about it and where you draw the line. Then stick to it! Don't lead him to think that you might give in if you don't really want to have sex yet. Ask yourself why he isn't respecting your wishes--especially since this is something so important to you. A lot of men and women want to have sex really, really badly. That doesn't make it right. You need to draw the line and stick to it. Let him deal with problems with his urges on his own. Do you really want to lose your virginity because a man pressures you, or do you want it to be because you have followed what you truly feel is the right thing to do?

Answer 6

The first two people who posted have given the only two options available.
The thing is, do you really want to be married to someone who doesn't have the same standards that you have? At the same time you say you've done "everything else". If you're a Christian and if you've done EVERYTHING else, then you probably have already sinned. Not judging you but stating a fact.
Sometimes we all (me included) fall so deeply in love (or lust) that we loose site of our priorities. I encourage you to pray about this and seek God's will on it. If you back off and think and seek God I think you'll find peace and happiness in the end.



BD

Answer 7

To be honest with you, it doesn't sound like your boyfriend really respects what you want. You may not like this answer, but it is the truth. He may want to have sex with you, but if he loves you, he should take no as an answer. Remember, you are not saying no to your boyfriend. You are saying yes to the promise you made to yourself to wait until marriage. That should be more important to you. Also, this is something you really probably don't want to hear, but breaking up with your boyfriend IS an option. You are not married to him, and you always have the right to leave someone. I am not saying that you should leave him or shouldn't leave him, but because you don't WANT to, doesn't mean that you do not have the ability to do so. Remember this isn't about something you have promised your friends, your mom, or you dad. This is something you have promised yourself. You should always be honest and truthful with yourself. Trust yourself. You should always keep promises you make to yourself. And, your boyfriend should respect you in this. You need to sit down with him and explain that you really do not want to have sex. Be honest with him. You should be adult enough to have this conversation with him. I keep going back to the same thing. Don't break promises to yourself. You will have a hard time forgiving yourself for doing so. Good luck.

Answer 8

Don't be pressured into sex. It is important to know that the man you will marry will be the first. If he is not you may spend you married life feeling guilty and thinking about some one night stand instead of the person who is suppose to mean the most to you. How can you ever truly bond with your future husband who may have saved himself for you if you end up in a lie about your past? Stay true to your God given conviction.

Answer 9

Fornication is anything involving the sex organs outside of the marriage arrangement. You should either marry or quit being a tease by doing all these other things. It is not loving to even date until you are ready to marry and then it should be done with a chapperone so this sort of situation does not compromise your faith and integrity to God.

Answer 10

You are doing the right thing by saying no. And although you don't want to hear this, if he can't accept it and tries to manipulate you, then he may just not be right for you. Yes, it will hurt, but you will be okay.

There's a saying: When a man and a woman are alone together, Satan is there in the room with them! So avoiding the situation alone may be the only option.

How can I say this gently? There are ways of easing the sexual tension yourselves without losing your virginity. That's better than having to deal with the issues that sex brings into a relationship.

Stay strong!

Answer 11

If breaking up with him is not an option... tell him to marry you then. Tips for staying strong, don't put yourself in situations where you'll be alone... couple date, the date ends after a public outing.

one question: why woud you want to stay with someone who doesn't take your wishes seriously? This is important to you.. he should respect you on it. Why make yourself doubt who you are and what you want because someone else doesn't respect you enough?