Is it right to date a 19 year old if you are a 24 year old youth pastor?

Question

I am the youth pastor at the church she attends

Answer 1

First, if she is in your youth group, or if she was recently in your youth group, then it is wrong; it is an ethical abuse of your position of authority. If I were your pastor, I would fire you immediately upon learning of the relationship.

If you just happened to meet a 19 year old and you both seem to like each other, then there is no ethical dilemma here. However, it is a really bad idea, for several reasons. At your ages, there is a very real difference in maturity levels. This relationship isn't going to go anywhere.

Think about how your parish will react to this. I realize it is none of their concern as both of you are adults. That has never stopped a parish from demanding the pastor fire the youth pastor in the past, and it never will in the future. Do you really think dating someone one or two years older than the ages of the children in your charge is a good career move? It will scare the *&$# out of the parents in your church! If you were 26 and the other person were 21, it would be different.

Finally, you know it is wrong, or you would have never asked the question. You're looking for confirmation of what you already know. It's an infatuation and it will pass. Look for someone closer to your own age.

Answer 2

19-24 is not a problem, you are both over 18, and adults.

Well, the problem is that you are a youth pastor, and if you date youth from your church, you'd be seen as a predator, and would lose the trust and credibility of your congregation.

Unless you want to marry her, its really not worth it. If there is a break up, I don't know the rules in your state, but in some, it would be open to lawsuits. Its dangerous ground there. Don't sleep where you work. You'll also lose the parents trust, and disappoint many people. I know though, she is hot, she is into you, and damn! I've had that at work, this guy that made prince william look like a bum. I had to be professional and say no. Now my collegues really respect me after I left, and I had a good reputation when looking for another job, and Lord knows I need a good reputation.

If you want to marry her and live the rest of your life with her, you can be friends, and you get a job at a church at another end of town and make a promise that niether of you date. You can spend time together and as a group, but as just friends. If you change your job and then court her properly, with utmost respect, you will be respected as well. Invite her parents out, and ask them if they would be okay with you dating their daughter, and that you are looking for a woman to spend the rest of your life with, and so far she looks like the best candidate for the position. Then tell her parents, you find the fact that you are a pastor awkward, and that if both of you were 49 and 54, and you were the main church pastor, it would be normal but BOTH of you are young. Accept limits they impose and earn their trust and respect. If they gush about how wonderful you are to your church, you are okay.

If she isn't wife material, but random hot chick, don't do it. Its not worth the heart ache and losing your job over in the worst case. Be very careful. Your reputation and job is at stake. If she will be your future family, mother of your children, its worth it! If not, no. If you marry her, and have only the best intentions, people will forgive you.

Thing is, whatever you, don't be seen as a predator. You'll be in a very vulenerable position if you date her, so be exceptionally careful.

Answer 3

As long as the attraction is healthy and wholesome. If the 19 y.o. is one of the youth you are pastoring too, no. You are there for their spiritual growth, not to feed your own desires.

Edit:
You have still danced around the question, are you HER youth pastor? Make your intentions clear to the congregation. Ask your church elders if your actions are appropriate. You are both adults, act like one...
As an authority figure in your church, you should be the source for advice. That's my problem with organized religion, no training is required to gain acceptance as an authority. Any fool who has truly found God in their heart can be a minion of the churdh regardless of how they live the rest of their life. At least the Catholics educate their ministers.

Answer 4

Hmm, well, my Brother in Law is a youth pastor and I have been in church most of my life.
It doesn't sound right...but I guess the best thing to do is think of these things:
1)Is she mature?
2)Would it cause a stir with anyone else at the church?
3)Does she go to your church?
4)Pray about it. It's probably not that bad, as long as there hasn't been some kind of weird history there.

Answer 5

sounds pretty shady to me, depends on the mental maturity of the 19 yr old. I'm 25 and dating a 21 year old who for a month was 20 after I turned 25 but she is a lot more mature than girls I dated that were closer to my age. You know in your heart if it's right or not, don't try to get yahoo answers to "let" you skip around that fact.

Answer 6

I would say that if you're not their youth pastor it might be ok to casually date, the age difference isn't so horrible.

If you are thier youth pastor then it crosses a line and I wouldn't recommend it at all.

Good luck

Answer 7

Are you saying you're her youth pastor, or a youth pastor?

If you're her youth pastor, I'd definitely ask permission from her parents to date her.

If you're just a youth pastor, not hers, then I don't see a problem with that.

Actually I can't see even one moral dilemma here.............

Answer 8

I don't see anything wrong with it. You're both of legal age (over 18). I'm sure you are both mature and responsible enough not to do anything foolish.

Answer 9

Don't you have at least a code of ethics? You need to grow up in my opinion. I don't care if she's 49. She's still part of your flock isn't she?

Answer 10

Both are old enough to be considered adults. It is up to those concerned.