I have been recently divorced, it was my choice but I regretted that we only had one child. I decided to give a guy who is younger than me the chance to father my next child, but he does not know this.
I intended that when I got pregnant that I would tell him and give him the fully optional decision to be involved or not. I would not ask him for support or nothing because it was my plan - not our plan.
The problem is that I now like him so much that I would have wanted to delay getting pregnant and turn it into a real relationship. Mind you, he thinks it is a real relationship, he is VERY good looking and ADORES me :).
If he leaves me when he finds out that I am pregnant, I will feel bad, and that was not part of the plan. Oh what can I do now? I won't know for another week if I am pregnant or not, but I tracked my ovulation and we had sex on every one of my fertile days, I left nothing to chance!
If I am pregnant, I am not having an abortion.
Advice, please!
2007-06-03 10:34:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And if you think I should be intentional making myself a single mother, then consider this: I got married, did the 'right thing' and am still a single mother now with an ex-husband who does not visit his child but sends a cheque every month. So the point is, there is no guarantee that you won't end up single anyway....
2007-06-03 10:36:55 · update #1
Well, you asked for it.
I would just wait. Wait the week and see if you are pregnant. If you aren't, then thank your stars and then let the guy know you really, really like him and dion't want to play any games so you want to tell him about how your last marriage damaged you. Let him know you still want kids down the road, but want to do it as part of a loving and sincere relationship. Then use birth control until you BOTH want to have kids. Make a committment to not mess over this guys life and also by the way, rob your child of the relationship every child deserves with their father. A child's interests should come before your own. You can deal with disappointment. A child is just crushed by it.
So what if you are PREGNANT?
Tell the guy. Give him the chance to step up to the plate. you don't know and shouldn't assume what he'll do. If he leaves, then you didn't really pick very well. I really pray that if you are pregnant he'll step up or that it will work out well for you.
What do I think about this?
I think it sucks. You are acting like a spoiled child who is only thinking of what you want. Either way things go though, don't tell the guy you initially wanted him just as a sperm donor. That is just cruel and is information that will just injure another person without adding anything. It may be cathartic for you but it would (once again) be completely self centered.
Sorry this sounds harsh, I just am not at all pleased by your actions. Do what you have to do to make it right. And try and keep your own self-interest out of this.
2007-06-03 12:53:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ummm, WHAT? You deliberately tried to have a child with a man who didn't know what you were doing? I don't care what you thought you would do if you got pregnant, the law says he would have to pay for the child. I guess it's a little late to change things now.
OK, so let me know something here. What distinguishes this from a "real relationship"? Honestly. He likes you and thinks this is a real relationship. You want it to be a real relationship. Doesn't that make it a REALLY real relationship? Develop the relationship now, and if you turn out to be pregnant then there's less chance of him leaving you.
If you've only done this for one month, the odds of you getting pregnant are fairly low, about 20% (I read that somewhere . . . the article said that couples trying to have children have about a 20% chance per month of conceiving). Don't do this again! It's not your right to coerce men into having relationships with you by getting pregnant. That might not be your intent, but it is effectively what you're doing . . . tricking the man into an obligation he must fulfill (whether that's your plan or not). You act like you're doing the guy a favor, but it could be the worst thing ever if he doesn't want children. Even if he does want the child, you did wrong here. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being harsh on you here, but it is quite possible that you could mess up this guy's life and make yours worse. Good night!
Oh yeah, on your comments:
"And if you think I should be intentional making myself a single mother, then consider this: I got married, did the 'right thing' and am still a single mother now with an ex-husband who does not visit his child but sends a cheque every month. So the point is, there is no guarantee that you won't end up single anyway...."
Well, if you marry the wrong person (which is likely, if you married because you got pregnant), you're bound to end up single. That doesn't make it any better to deceive someone into fathering a child for you. At least if they know upfront that you might want children with them (as is the case with marriage), it is almost certain that they will want the children in their lives.
Please, never pull a stunt like that again! It's bad for you, him, and the rest of us who have to foot the bill if he turns out to be a deadbeat. DEVELOP a strong relationship FIRST, and then TALK about having children before trying to get pregnant.
2007-06-03 14:10:56 · answer #2 · answered by anonymous 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he really believes that this is a relationship and you have really fallen for him then you are in a very real relationship. If he really loves you and cares about you then he has known all along that it is possible you might get pregnant unless you were lying to him by telling him you were on the pill. So I would wait and see if your pregnant and if you are just tell him and see what happens. If he really loves you then he isn't leaving and if you really love him as well then it is all good. I think I read the other day that only 40 percent of all pregnancies are planned so don't sweat it. Good luck...
2007-06-04 03:25:36 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I faced a somewhat simular situation not to long ago. First take a breather.... dont stress yourself out too much. You should let him now that you think your pregnant and let him feel apart of the situation by being there through the whole thing including when you take the test. Try not to think about all of the what ifs, just take things as they are and one step at a time. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just do what you need to do to be a good mother whether or not if he'll be there. Give him a chance, you never know.
2007-06-03 10:43:54 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
basically you're saying that you wanted a sperm donor...but you didn't even tell the guy that that was your plan.
I'm going to be honest...I don't like the sounds of it.
In the end, you have to tell the guy. Maybe not the first part, but obviously you have been deceiving him, and that's not fair.
If you like him, go for the relationship...if he freaks and leaves, then sorry to say, but you got what you deserved.
I really hope it works out for you...honesty is the best policy.
2007-06-03 10:41:01 · answer #5 · answered by Flower 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think children deserve at least a 50-50 shot at having 2 parents. Sorry but your post seems to be all about what you want and what you feel. You've made a lot of decisions based on what's best for you, not what's right for a baby.
Adoption would be my suggestion.
http://www.adoption.org/
2007-06-03 11:52:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
HAY BABY GIRL! I SEE YOU GOT YOURSELF IN A JAM. IF YOU LOVE HIM, TELL HIM THE COMPLETE TRUTH. IF HE ADORES YOU, HE WON'T BE SO QUICK TO LEAVE. I HOPE THINGS WORK OUT FOR YOU. HERES A TIP: IF YOU BUILD A RELATIONSHIP ON A LIE, IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S A COVER UP WAITING TO BE REVEALED AND A MESSY ENDIND IN THE MAKING!
2007-06-03 11:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by Mika 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell him how old is he if he is like 15 then tell his parent and if he is like 18 then just tell him maybe he will love you as much as that baby will mean to you ♥ !!! good luck
2007-06-03 10:41:15 · answer #8 · answered by ♥tawnyrose♥ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋