I told JW's mother in law that the Children will NOT be going to the Kingdom Hall with her anymore..?

Question

1st of all I'd like to state that I respect EVERYONE's right to worship. My husband is neutral, my children and I are non denominational christians and go to church. They're not to go with her nor is she to read any of the literature (some kind of JW children's book) I do not belive in that religion, nor do I think it's right and I do not want them to be influenced negatively, or get confused. So, why are we letting them go? (ah, because she's the grandmother) I would think she would be understanding considering they wouldn't DARE allow their children to go to another church! Instead she jumps on the defensive, gets all upset and really doesn't speak to me anymore. I stand firm by my beliefs, but our relationship is..to say the least strained. I never have to talk religion with her, I prefer to agree to disagree to keep the peace. Why can't she just be understanding..instead when I come to pick the kids up VERY early Sunday mornings I'm greeted with clipped tones and coldness.

What do you think? I'm hoping she'd just get over it, we are their parents it's our decision.

I was never a witness, my husband was raised as one, but not baptized. Myself, raised as a non denominational christian.

Answer 1

True Christians (such as Jehovah's Witnesses) recognize that the bible gives parents an extraordinary degree of authority to raise their children as the parents see fit.

While a Christian would understandably hope to share her faith with her grandchildren, the Christian must respect the plain instruction of the children's parents (where it does not conflict with secular or bible law). If a parent forbade attendance at Christian meetings or reading from a book of bible stories, then an alternate caregiver must respect that.

Interestingly, there is absolutely no indication in this so-called "question" that the Christian grandmother has ever actually ignored an explicit instruction from the questioner. In fact, this so-called "question" seems instead to be merely a thin pretext for complaining about Jehovah's Witnesses.

It does seem rather paranoid to forbid a children's book of bible stories.

Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/e/20041022a/article_03.htm
http://watchtower.org/e/19971208/article_03.htm

Answer 2

Yes, I firmly believe the parents, mother and father should decide where their child goes to church. I can say from experience it is very difficult on the child when two grandparents are both pulling that child in different directions. Most important thing a Grandparent can do is lead by example, when the child gets old enough to choose they will have that to fall back on. But I know for a fact that all kinds of people will push religion on people. My mother-in-law would wrap Christmas presents and give them to her son (not my husband) when he would come to visit even though he would not come during the holidays. He repeatly would ask her not to do that to him, his wife, and daughter. Every year like clock work there was one. Each time they would visit she would tell their child one day she would not be a JW because she was praying she would turn away. Funny thing is that he was a drug addict before he became a JW then stopped. One of her other son's died of an overdose, the other became a big-time drug dealer. She didn't care as long as they weren't JW.

Answer 3

Ultimately, you are the parent and your mother in law should respect your decision.

Contrary, to what many said in this forum the witnesses do not brainwash or force people and they are definitely not a cult. They are a legalized, recognized religion in over 200 countries, including the US. They have won many cases in the Supreme Court. Anyone who tells you otherwise has fed you bad information. If Jw were a cult, would the government allow them to try cases? What rights would they have. Lets think for a moment.

As far as your mother-in-law is concern she is upset with the fact that you dont want them to go to the KH. She shouldnt be acting the way you described. She should recognize your role in the family and respect your decision. Unfortunately, everyone is imperfect and you cant look upon this as the whole religion being bad.

As far as the book is concerned, that book teaches kids great things. It teaches them about Jesus and how he acted on earth, morals, being honest, hardworking, speaking up when adults touch them in inappropriate ways, honoring your father and mother (I bet you like that one), and many more things.

Remember, there are three sides to every story. Yours, your mother-in-law and the truth.

Answer 4

You have a major battle on your hands. The JW brainwashing techniques are very refined even if their tapes are badly produced.

One nasty habit they preach to their converted is that if anyone including immediate family members do not bow down to the JW point of view they must be cut off. The clipped tones and coldness are a good sign that she is prepared to bend her "religion" for her family and is not totally shunning you. At the Kingdom Hall she is probably being reprimanded "for allowing Satan near her."

Stand firm because today it is the Kingdom Hall, tomorrow the Moonies and then who knows which airport your children will end up begging for the Hare Krishnas.

Check that book - the threats of hellfire could traumatise your children at this sensitive stage.

Answer 5

The decision you made about your children in not going with their grandma to the Kingdom Hall, was a good decision to make. These are your children, not hers. If you do not agree with their beliefs, then you need to take action to protect your kids in any way. It doesn't matter if she is the grandma or if it is someone else in the family, they are your children.

If she still has a problem with your decision, that is her problem that she has to deal with. She is going to be who she is and you can't change her ways. It is too bad that she doesn't understand and she is using religion to not have that close relationship with you or your children. Children shouldn't be in the middle of chaos, but need to be taught to love one another no matter what religion you are. Hopefully, by yours and your children's example, your mother-in-law will show more compassion, understanding, and accept you for who you are.

One thing though, if she is acting rude or cold to you in front of your children, then that should not be tolerated. Because what you are teaching your children is that it is okay to be like that to other people....not a good example for them. You just be polite and show kindness to her, so they can learn from you on how to treat people like you would want to be treated.

Answer 6

I think you are perfectly right in your decision, after all they are your children and you will do what you think is best for them. I would not worry about her chilled greetings. Either she will get over it, or she will end up a very sad old woman who's grandchildren will have no respect for her at all. I think it is best to continue as you have been and tell her that for the sake of peace and for the sake of the grandchildren you would prefer that she not speak about religion in front of you or in front of the grandchildren and if she has any respect for you at all she will abide by your wishes. After all respect is a two way thing.. I'm sure you are a great mum..carry on..Good luck

Answer 7

Ok.I know how you feel, I was brought up (dragged up) as a JW but broke away at age 16 thank god! excuse the pun. I absoloutly agree with your decision and your request and she should abide by it.but I am afraid that she will just not help herself.you could call her bluff and say if she is insisting on showing her grandchild what she believes than in order to make it an equal arena....she comes to church with you and explores the Cof E beliefs.. and then you will allow her to share her thoughts..a child need s different views in order to make up its own mind, its a two way thing. I can garentee she will not go to another church ( I know you dont but it would be worth it for a couple of sessions, suggest a spiritulist church) she will back off. stick by your guns...................good luck

Answer 8

I totally agree with you. I used to be a JW. I left about 6 years ago. I have a daughter and my parents want to take her to meetings. I don't allow it because could you imagine me taking my nieces and nephews to church with me? Heck no! Her attitude is par for the course with JW. They can put down holidays, birthday parties and anything else they deem inappropriate, but how dare you view meetings and the religion as bad. Stay strong! You are the mom and you have every right to raise your children as you see fit. I would hate for your kids to be brainwashed the way I was when I grew up.

Answer 9

My two sons went with their Grandfather to the Kingdom Hall, when they were little...I had absolutely NO religion then, and I saw No reason to be upset about it...My son's are both older now, in their 30's, and they remember going with their Grandpa, and having a wonderful time...Grandpa is gone now, and his influence made them the men they are today...They are Both Christians now, and they both say, they would never give up that special time with Grandpa...
I just wanted you to think about this in a different way...being bitter doesn't help anyone...and I am very sure your children know all about your feelings..
Please just think about it...Good luck to
you all...

Answer 10

As the parent it is your decision. I think it is fair that you have allowed the grandmother to bring them to the Kingdom Hall, so they can have information about their grandmother's faith.
If it makes you upset, or you don't like it, then as the parent it is your choice.

She should be understanding since like you said she would NEVER allow her kid's to go to another church. Plus she should realize you are the parent and therefore it's up to you.
Now if the kids (I don't know their ages) asked to go, I myself would probably allow them, again depending on their age and reason for going.