My fiance and I have been together for almost 2 years, I found out recently he's looking at child porn.?

Question

I as a 2nd grader was molested and I absolutely hate that kind of crap. I got really mad and he knew I knew it was on his computer. He blamed it on his brother that is in his older teen years. Then later told me that it was him too. He spends $50+ on porn sites a month. ( I know i sit behind him when he checks his statements). We want to get a place of our own. I'm SCARED SHITLESS.

After reading several of the answers u all have graciously given, I see what I should do......and feel stuck. I love him, No Like A lot. He and I have talked about it......he says everyone explores.....COME ON GUYS are there actually some of you who dont do this CRAP.......I dont want to leave, i feel secure kinda......well not really but what if the next guy is worse.

Ok my bad. Reading that last one spurred some thought. I know I sound really stupid, (TRUST ME I FEEL IT) but this is hard to talk about. Violence has occured on two occasions. But he's said he'd never do it again. I know I should leave but things feel too deep and I really thought for sure (no ? about it before all this stuff happened). GUYS......or GIRLS....is this his way of telling me to get lost? I keep asking him that and he says no. He says he still loves me and wants a future with me......and yes I've thought about kids. Actually asked him if he would ever think about doing that stuff to any child and he just got really mad at me and asked how I could even ask him that question......MY G-d this is so hard to even think about. But I'm tired....I'm tired of worring about him getting in trouble. I'd rather c him get help then get put in cuffs and taken away. I've told him this is a prob....

Answer 1

Eject, Eject, Eject!!! Porn illustrates the way you swing. If a man is looking at man and woman porn then he is a normal heterosexual though not necessarily healthy. If he or she is looking at kiddie porn then that demonstrates what turns he or she on. Hopefully most people will not allow themselves to actually practice their fantasies, but what if they do?

Answer 2

Ok dude, you're being overprotective. Your sister has a different view than you. Women mature a little faster than guys most often. It's great that you're religious. And you're sister hasn't lost her faith, she's just discovering who she is. Ratting out your sister or bugging her phone will only drive her away. And you'll loose her faster. Take the advice. There are ways of positively influencing her decisions that don't involve parents or discovering porn on the computer or phone. And some advice, if the parents discover it on their own, take the hit on her behalf, no matter the punishment. Because you sister will trust you more. She's obviously not talking to your folks, you want her to talk to you at least. If you cover for her porn habits, you can let her know she can trust you. Which means when she gets older she voluntarily come to you first. As for influencing her decisions, reaffirm good choices, don't judge the bad ones. If she starts to date a boy who is a jerk, tell her : you can do better. If you see her dressing like a tart, remind her that she's beautiful in another outfit she owns that isn't as tarty. But don't judge. She's your sister, you're not her dad. She's going to need a friend more than often. Let that person be you.

Answer 3

This is truly a matter of great concern and anxiety from many angles. What he is doing is a crime and can go to jail is he gets caught. You should go to a therapist or a social worker who deals with these issues IMMEDIATELY, since there are many factors to weigh. You will be able to talk to someone in very private settings and be able to address all your concerns. Your fiancee may not be a terrible person, but for your sake and for his, professional help must be sought for both you and him as how to proceed. He will ultimately need counseling, even though he may not have done anything more than look at pictures (which in itself is a major problem). You don't want to get married, have kids, and risk the most heinous of thoughts running through his mind to perhaps find manifestation on your own flesh and blood (G-d forbid). He may just be doing something stupid right now, but it is a major concern and should not be taken lightly.
As far as your being scared, it is natural to be frightened by things that require us to take a stand, especially if we were once victims of similar circumstances. Those memories tend to cloud our thoughts and hinder our sense of responsibility. But you must find strength in yourself to discuss with someone of reason about your situation. Many people will be quick to judge and just say that he's a perv and should be locked away and that you are also wrong for associating with such a creep. However, since you obviously have feelings towards him, it is you who can approach this grievous issue with respect towards him and get the help he (and ultimately you) needs. Do not push it off, as the longer it takes, the harder it will be to muster the courage to do something. And lastly, do not under any circumstances victimize yourself in the process. It's bad enough that he has this problem. Don't get sucked into it more than you need to. You may be engaged to him, HOWEVER, if things escalate to the point of you getting in over your head (verbal abuse, threats, or violence), you must stay far away.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you can help both your life and his.

Answer 4

Porn is one thing, but kiddie porn is something all together different - and illegal. Not to mention, sick and disturbing. Personally, I once dated a man who had a fatish about a fantasy of finding this little girl (8-9 y/o) walking through the woods ad he became attracted to her and vice verca and they began sneaking round, etc. until finally she ran away from home to be with him and they had sex and he treated her like a wife. This was just WAY too much for me as he would fantasize abotu this alot and share this with me, want me to play along with hi on the phone and pretend to be this young girl. I couldn't handle it. I confronted him many times as to why he had this fantasy and what he was thinking, etc and even though he swears nothing like this has ever/would ever happen, I could not stop thinking about my niece who at this time is 7 y/o and how if someone ever preyed on her like what he is fantasizing about how I would react. I really had strong feelings about his man but because of the insecurity nad his hangup with this, I'll admit, I got out of the relationship. I can't accept this as just a fantasy when he repeats it so often, nor could I fatom possibly having children with him or having my iece around him.

Answer 5

Drop kick him to the curb! And tell him to get some help. You already know where this relationship is going. Buying an occasional magazine is one thing but spending $50 + a month to me is excessive. That's more than $600 a year which is equal to a nice piece of furniture to me. And I would be very vocal about why I dropped him if he doesn't go for counseling. I wouldn't want anyone to trust him with their kids.

Answer 6

Oh man. I (being only 13 years old) am actually disturbed and disgusted. Children should not be exposed that way, and even if they are, your fiance should not be looking. I know this may be tough, but I think you should sit down with him and have a long, sincere talk. If he really cares he will listen and understand. If he is selfish, then he will continue. I know you must love this man a lot for not leaving him as soon as you found out, but if he continues, you may want to consider it.

Answer 7

RUN. I know you love him and all, but there is no future here that you could possibly want for yourself or your children. If he's at the point where he's paying money to see children being hurt, then it means he thinks its okay and will eventually try it himself. Especially since its something that he discusses and shares with his brother. Do you want that brother to be the Uncle of your children? Do you want your child to go through what you went through? This man may have some wonderful qualities. But this is a deal breaker. RUN.

Answer 8

He may not be a child molester yet, but he will be. Honestly because you were molested you may have sensed that somehow and that's how you ended up with him. You need to get away from him as soon as possible and tell that sick puppy to go and get some help before he is standing in front of a judge telling his story.

Answer 9

Leave this individual. If you have children with him, you'd have to constantly worry about what he'd do to the kids.

Porn in many situations is harmless, but when it involves children I'd worry.

You, of all people, know that's unacceptable considering what happened to you as a child.

Answer 10

Ok, what he's doing is ILLEGAL! You need to get away from that as soon as possible. If he's caught, and the police find out you knew but didn't say anything, you could get in trouble, too. Leave him...he's not worth it!