Okay, as if I didn't have enough stress as it is. My parents decided to get a divorce after I ordered my invitations. The divorce still isn't finalized, but my dad has a girlfriend of like two months now. I barely know the lady, but from what I do know I don't really like her, she's 12 years younger than him and not very mature. My mom is mentally unstable and I could just see this turning into something very bad.. what do I do?!?!
2007-06-03 03:07:34 · 24 answers · asked by heathermarie56093 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Okay, an idea, what about coming her coming out to the dance? I don't want to be completely selfish here I guess!
2007-06-03 06:29:24 · update #1
Handle it as if you KNOW that your parents will rise above their own problems, and make your day as nice as possible...
Send them each an invitation that is addressed specifically to them, "and guest". Treat them just like everyone else.
Speak to each of them separately and tell them that you know how much strain they are going to be under that day, but that you expect each of them to act like YOUR PARENT and put your needs to have your wedding day the best that it can be, BEFORE their own feelings.
(This is NOT a selfish attitude. You are hoping that your wedding will mark the beginning of the rest of your life together with your fiance. YOU are not responsible for the fact that THEIRS didn't work out that way.)
DO NOT cut either of them out of their special responsibilities in the time leading up to, and during the wedding.
Make sure that pictures taken of the bride with her parents, are taken separately with each. You can have the bride and groom with all family members of both sides include both together. Make sure Daddy understands that his girlfriend SHOULD NOT have a place in ANY of these pictures.
Your Mom should have reached some sort of stability within herself by now. It HAS been a few months since the split. Maybe you should be making sure that she gets some professional help. No matter how strong a person is usually, there are always some issues that knock the feet right out from under us and leave us reeling. It sounds as if this is where your Mom is. HELP her by getting the outside help she needs. Hopefully she will recognize that she needs this help to stabilize her own psyche.
Good luck. You are going to have quite a bit more than usual work cut out for you before your wedding. Have you thought of getting a favourite Aunt in to help--if only to help steer your Mom in her role?
2007-06-03 03:27:10 · answer #1 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Right - here's the deal. This is not a problem, this is a really easy thing you sort out in two minutes.
Two questions you need to answer.
1. If your mum, dad, and g/f are in the same place will anything kick off?
If you answer yes then the g/f does not come.
2. Do you want her there as a person?
If you answer no then she does not come.
The bottom line is that it is your day, it is your future hisband's day, and NO OTHER PERSON'S DAY. You make all the decisions that are right for you. If you decide that the g/f is not to come then yourt dad wiol understand. His first priority on that day will be your happiness (it should be anyway). If it causes problems it says more about the other people involved than it does you.
2007-06-03 03:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by the_keys78 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't invite her!
Your parents could have waited a couple months to announce their divorce with respect to your wedding. I don't think your dad should even think that he can bring his lame girl friend. This is a family day about you, your fiance and the people you love. Don't worry about hurting anyone elses feelings besides you or your mom's. It will hurt you to see her hurt. And you don't want to damage her mental health any further. This is her big day to be mother of the bride/groom! Not her day to feel betrayed or stabbed in the back! Or to remind her about how depressed she is.
I was annoyed enough that I had to invite my sister's sister-in law's boyfriend of 1-2 months who is way older than her, and a divorcee with 3 kids, and he's a poker dealer. We just think she deserves better. Actually we didn't invite him, she ASKED if he could come, I grudgingly said yes.
2007-06-03 05:22:58 · answer #3 · answered by Eternal Love 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same situation, except parents were divorced awhile ago.... but my dad had a girlfriend immediately after, and still has the same one.
She is not invited to our wedding. I barely know her, and I want my mom and the rest of the family to feel comfortable. I know they wouldn't be with my dad's gf there (she too is much younger than he is).
Just explain it to your dad if you go the same route, and hopefully he will understand. He must have some common sense and know that it would upset your mom and her family.
Good luck with everything :)
2007-06-03 03:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Speak to your Dad very plainly. No transparent excuses about space or seating. Tell him exactly what you told us here and be upfront about how you don't want your Mom upset on this or any day really, but this day is the only one you have some modicum of control over.
If he balks at tearing himself away from his girlfriend for a few hours, then you can dig in your heels and say she is not invited, not expected, and not welcome at your wedding. For the reasons you stated above. If parents have been divorced for years I would say they have to suck it up, but it is too soon.
2007-06-03 04:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weddings are a time for celebration with friends and family...not time to socialize with someone who is going to stress you or your family out. I suggest telling your father that, after long consideration and stress, you'd appreciate it if he would not bring his girlfriend as you cannot handle any more drama. Tell him that neither him nor your mom will bring a date and you want the day to be about you and your fiance....not family issues all out in the open for the world to see. I'm sure he'll understand. Don't get personal and don't budge. Congrats!
2007-06-03 04:27:19 · answer #6 · answered by emrobs 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Me and my husband had a similar problem. The day my husband was gonna propose to me was the day his mom left his dad. Then his dad hurried up and got into another relationship and married to her 2 months before our wedding to "Out do" his son. Strange I know! but anyways by this time his mom was dating and so we allowed them to bring the dates but under the agreement that the "Other" people in their lives were not gonna be in the picture and they had to take a family picture together with their son.
2007-06-06 08:28:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't invite her. They're only going out for 2 months. Your dad should understand that it's not very sensitive to bring this new woman to your wedding. The wedding day is about you and your future spouse, so if you don't want someone to be there, speak up!
2007-06-03 03:11:33 · answer #8 · answered by bnagrrl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Put his name & guest. Yes let both of your parents invite a guest. But ask your mom first since the divorce isnt final yet. And if she says no call your dad and tell him that you arent comfortable with him bringing his GF since his divorce isnt final.
2007-06-06 16:52:41 · answer #9 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't enough of a serious relatioship where you should feel obligated to invite her. You should talk to your dad and tell him that you don't feel comfortable inviting her and that you don't want any conflict to arise with him and your mom during the wedding. I'm sure he'll understand and only want the best for you.
2007-06-03 07:26:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋