My husband is a mental bully how can I best protect myself?

Question

I have mental health issues and he persistently uses this to intimidate me and is trying to take my children away saying i'm unfit (I'm not) He bullies me and mocks both me faith and my mental illnees........how can I deal with this psycho who proclaims he will deliberatly drive me to suicide, as he boasts about doing it before, when I did crack up. I don't know what to do as he is such a psychopath he managed to turn my own family against me and has more rights over the children as I have been ill in the past? He is proper pscho, a mental health nurse who abuses vunerable adults. What would folk here do? He has good cards in his hand as I had a breakdown two years ago and it unfortunatly is still counted

The children are with me at present and im a good parent have worked so hard to get well and the kids are fine but he will start tricks and break me down and take the kids if I left, I couldn't bear it as I fought all odds to be with them.

Answer 1

Oh honey you sound in need of support, if you are in the uk please seek advice from a womans refuge centre, the people there are trained to help you. I believe that the phone directory has lists of useful numbers at the begining of the book. You might also like to talk to the samaritians, they aren't only there for people who feel suicidal, they will listen to anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on.
It's sounds as if you've overcome mental illness before so you must have some strength to have done that. Now take him on as your next battle, before long you may find you have won the war too.
Please seek help, not just for your own sake. If he was left with your children he might make them his next target.
You sound a lovely mother and always remember they love you. A childs love is unconditional for their mother,so don't let your self be defeated by this awful bully.
I wish you and your kids a very happy future. Take care x

Answer 2

I think that the first thing you need to do is get away from him like kylieM suggested. All the time you are in a negative environment it will be very difficult for you to heal. Do not show any reaction when he tries to draw you into a dispute, or mocks your faith. You do not need to justify or reason with or defend yourself against someone who is making stupid claims. Stay calm and think of what ever he says nasty about you as the opposite, example if he calls you selfish you are unselfish, dumb your smart. He wants to break down you self esteem and your will. Do not tell him what you intend to do or make threats, such as I will show you etc. Just quitely make your plans to move away fom him and make yourself a good home for you and the children. When others realise that you are good and getting on with your life, they will begin to question him. See a good lawyer or go to citizens advice, get what you are entitled to from the marriage, this is for your future and the children, then seek a court agreement for the children. Dont do any thing stupid to try get revenge as this will go against you in a court. The best revenge is living well. Good Luck and stay strong a much better life is there for you. You just need to take it. No matter how bad things look, there is always another way. If he is violent make sure you are very careful, have a emergency plan set up for you and your children, to get out quick, money and essentials somewhere with someone you can trust.

Answer 3

You, my dear, are in one helluva spot.

I take it that there are children - - - so you can't simply leave his sorry behind. Even if he treats the children properly, if you leave they may become his next target.

If you are still under the care of a doctor or counselor you should be sure that you talk about this at every counseling session and ask for help.

You should contact the nearest women's shelter and talk with them by phone. If your husband is being mentally abusive, it is only a matter of time until it becomes physical. You should find a counselor, through a women's shelter, to give you the right information about the laws in your area, your rights, and your options.

Lastly, you have a bit of responsibility here. It may be time for you to find your courage and tell this abuser where to get off. He bullies you because he can. Weak people always seek out someone weaker to treat badly. Once he understands that you are working on finding your own strength, he will put up a fight and try all the more harder to bring you back down. You simply have to become stronger. I know that is a whole lot easier said than done, but at somepoint, you have to decide to take your life back. Until you do, you may be stuck.

Good luck, sweetheart!

Answer 4

I am so sorry for the situation you are in and it sounds like a tough one to get out of. No wonder you have had mental health issues living with what you describe as a psychopath. I was once with a guy who was emotionally abusive and in my opinion was a psychopath also. The only way I could get peace of mind was to get as far away from him as possible. It sounds like he is the one who should be worried about being allowed to look after your children.

You need to enlist support for yourself in getting yourself out of this situation. I'm not sure who the best person could be but maybe a social worker, a counsellor, your local MIND, women's aid (emotional abuse is classed as a form of domestic violence) could help or at least point you in the right direction. Keep a record of his abusive behaviour to show to the authorities if and when you are ready to get away from this man.

Psychopaths do a very good job of getting people to believe they are decent people but not everyone is fooled by them. You certainly aren't. I know it is hard to believe people will believe/support you when you have been painfully let down in the past (your family taking his side) but believe that someone will. The people on Yahoo Answers are an example of this. Good luck and best wishes

Answer 5

You need all the help and support you can get!

Firstly (and I don't think that I'm saying anything that others already haven't) - start making record of EVERYTHING he does, says, threatens ect - these can be written but recordings, either voice or video would be better, and if you can get independant witnesses then even better.

Next - seek help - CAB, Womens Aid, MIND, Domestic Abuse services - anything you can think of - and don't forget people on your church, if you can trust them!

At the moment, don't worry about your family - they will come round in time, for the moment you need to concentrate on you and the children.

You also need to see a solicitor ASAP - it may be possible to get an injunction out agasinst him, to stop him coming to the house, or calling you - I think you'll need evidence for this - but the solicitor will be able to advise.

Once you have secured the safety of yourself and the children, you can then think about sueing the bast*rd - at which point his job would be under threat!

You say that he abuses vulnerable adults - is this just you, or does he do this to other people as well? If he does do it to other people maybe you could get together and prosecute him together!

What ever happens - remember that he is just what you said he is - a bully, and all butties get what they deserve in the end!

I wish you, and your children all the happiness you can, and will find.
If you want someone to rant at, please e-mail me!

Helen

Answer 6

I sympathise with you as I have a sister in the same position. You must first of all try to look after your own health. See your doctor/GP. Tell him/her exactly what is going-on and ask what advice and support is available locally. I know that when you have mental-health issues you may fear that no-one will believe you, so you may need to collect evidence. This can be difficult and people may think you are unwell if you start acting strangely. You didn't say how old your children are. I will be thinking of you good luck!

Answer 7

hi hunny i am sorry you in this but best thing do is go see the police and explain also go to social services and tell them he playing with your head and that you want there help and best of all get cameras and microphones and when he is due come round put them all on then when you do go to police they will here and see it ok you need some big friends right now cus if you were my friend he would be getting bullied of me and lets see how he likes it oh and did you say he was a nurse of some sort report him to the health department cus there is clearly problems with him good luck and hope u get rid of this sick man you doing great job with the kids and dont let him or anyone tell you diffrent

Answer 8

Firstly sweet heart, having mental health issues does not make you a bad mum, and he is the one who is crazy by the sounds of it. You need to find away to get away with your children, please talk to a lawyer about the children and where you stand. You must not let him drive you to suicide and let him win, can you change the locks while he is out, hav you a brother or good friend tht could stand by yr side for a while, you really need support to get through this one, dont put yrself in danger be with other people as often as you can and talk to yr doctor maybe he can put you intouch with the right people to help you. I wish i could help more, i really feel for you please stay strong. Good luck x

Answer 9

start keeping records on him of what he says and does to you and note any bullying he uses on the kids too .
tape him in a rage situation , call the police on him and get police records of such behavior .take your children to counseling to make sure they know his bullying is not the proper way to handle everyday life.
Get separated from him and get the kids custody under the abuse charges if you apply first you will have it to begin with.
Keep yourself on your medication and going to your counselor to prove your are receiving the proper treatment and are a stable individual .
turn him into his state board of nursing for mentally unfit to practice and he should be required to go through some psyche testing himself .
good luck in this awful situation also you must find you a good high power lawyer to represent you and your children ,

Answer 10

You wrote a little too much try making it a twentieth it's size next time. Okay there's two ways to stop a cyber stalker the first one is don't use the Internet. If you can't do that or want this guy away from everyone call the cops.