what is the funniest quote?

Question

just for fun......

Answer 1

Here are some of my personal favorites...

“I found you can cultivate a taste for anything as long as you keep on tasting.” – Johnny Cash, Man In Black

“You wouldn't worry so much what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.” – Dr. Phil’s father

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde

“It is only by not paying ones bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial class.” – Oscar Wilde

“Only the shallow know themselves.” – Oscar Wilde

“One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.” – Oscar Wilde

“I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.” – Jackie Gleason, Playboy, December 1962

“Common-looking people are the best in the world; that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.” – Abraham Lincoln

Answer 2

i have a few for you [: We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by. Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls. This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way. McDonald’s announced they will be adding 25 percent more beef to their hamburgers. As a result, McDonald’s hamburgers will now feature 25 percent beef.” A new study by the American Medical Association shows that having sex does not trigger a heart attack — it’s getting caught having sex that triggers the heart attack.” Men are like outhosues. All the good ones are taken and all the bad ones are full of crap Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. hope these helped [:

Answer 3

My brother was kicked out of the spelling bee off the word pollinate-I guess it is not spelled with the number 8 on the end.

-Larry the Cable Guy

Answer 4

At a somewhat exclusive society party, one of the guests commented about another that their money was "tainted". Mark Twain heard the comment and said "It's twice-tainted. T'ain't yours, and t'ain't mine."

As Oscar Wilde lay dying, he opened his eyes one last time and said "Either those drapes go, or I go." and thereupon died.

In one of the Marx Brothers movies, Groucho asked Chico "You love your brother, don't you?" to which Chico replied "No, but I'm used to him."

Answer 5

"none of us are virgins since life has screwed us all" and "help the environment, plant a Bush back in Texas" those are some of my favorite funny quotes

Answer 6

i can't tell you the funniest
but some funny quotes....

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
-- Albert Einstein

Most fools think they are only ignorant.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Answer 7

"Anyone can live to be 100, provided they give up the things that make anyone want to live to be 100."

- George Carlin

Answer 8

"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my Dad."

Answer 9

I have never been drunk, but I have been frequently over-served. George Gobal

Answer 10

Stupidity: It's an epi-DUH-mic.